A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I have never ever done this before! I am always a good girl who hasnt slept with many people. I never sleep around and i always make sure I am proctected. I have this neighbour who i find very attractive! I life at home with my parents and i have grown up with him living in the same culdasack as me. He lifes with his mum, and gran. His younger brother moved out. He is older than me but i dont think thats the issue. A couple of weeks ago i asked him for some non strings attached sex. Just the once cause i always fancied him and finally built up thec courage to ask him but he said he couldnt do that because, our mothers are best friends! He also told me he was in a situation before where another girl offered him the same thing but then she feel in love with him and he doesnt want that again especially with his mums best pals daughter! I can totally see his points as to why he wouldnt do this but he did tell me i have a good set! I think we all know what that means so he must find em attractive. The thing is i dont want a relationship with this man, i am having a year of fun! :) I just wanted him once to say to myself i done it and its really frustrating because, the more he says NO the more I want him! I need to get this out of my system. I just need to convince him that it will only be 1 time and my parents or anyone else for that matter will find out!!! If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to reply. thankyou.
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best friend, moved out, neighbour Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGod I look back know and think "why did i even like
this guy" I got bored and after months of not caring I clocked on this site. I realised that I did deep down like that guy. And i didnt just want sex. thats not me. I was trying to be someone I am not. I think deep down i still like him but I knew it wasnt good for me to be with him.
So thats what i tell myself. When i started uni and work etc i stated focuing on other stuff and not him anymore/
I jsut wanted to update people whp gave me advo. And also say sorry for going on and on. Trying to get my point out there. I know i ignored cetain peoples nice words of wisdom but I didnt know what the hell i was doing tbh.
Everythings great know. thankyou
I just find it really sad that theres cetain people
who are sick in the head. Who come on these sites and
be nothing more than rude people. I am not gonna name call here. But i think everyone can read what was said in the last comment dated in May. I was upset. But what if someone really needs help. And they get a reply like that? From someone who clearly doesnt give a shit. I think this site should be monitored more. Thats all i have to say.
Thankyou.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (26 May 2008):
 OMG Are we still discussing this boring and tedious matter?
Dear Poster, You are obviously not going to take the advice of us Aunts, so why don't you go and bore someone else to tears with this matter? We all said you are acting like a BITCH ON HEAT, but you do not take the slightest bit of notice. Why don't you go to a club..... pull a guy.... and SHAG HIS FUCKING BRAINS OUT IF YOU ARE SO DESPERATE FOR FUN.
Then I know doubt you will be posting us in about few months down the line whinging that you have caught a STD.
YOU MY DEAR ARE ARE THE MOST ARROGANT AND BORING PERSON WANTING THIS POOR MISFORTUNATE GUY TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.
He is probably getting sick and tired of you making a COMPLETE SLUT of yourself. SO HUN WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFE THAT HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN A MINGER LIKE YOU!!!!!! THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
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reader, Deema +, writes (26 May 2008):
 There there. Is that OK? And by the way, I'm not American. Old Fool is right. Take your problem elsewhere and see what the response is. We all tried to help you right from the word go, but you weren't listening. You wanted someone to say it was ok, so when we gave our opinions that wasn't what you wanted to hear, so it seems everyone is getting at you. We aren't love, really we aren't. You're just not listening, not matter what anyone says. But you know as well as me that girls are really not after one night stands - come on face it. Most of us start putting a guys surname after ours on date 4 or 5, some before that even. Why do you think we get so upset when our men cheat on us - when they say its just a one night stand? Its because we know that the girl involved will not have wanted it to be just a one night stand. Unless we're really drunk or on something, we don't give ourselves up that easily. We want more. You KNOW you really like this guy. He's not interested. I still say the same and I'm not saying it anymore, its getting boring, FIND SOMEONE WHO DESERVES YOU. SOMEONE WHO IS AVAILABLE, SOMEONE WHO GIVES A SHIT. He's dangling you love. I just hate to see that. Anyway, thats all I will say. Like I said, its boring keep saying the same thing when someone doesn't want to hear. Good luck. Come back and tell us when you've found the man of your dreams. Sorry you had such a shit year. Most people do at some point in their lives. You will get through it. Take care of yourself. You're not fighting the world here. Take it easy. Lots of love. xx
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reader, oldfool  +, writes (26 May 2008):
 Hey, calm down!
This isn't an "American-British" thing. And the people on here all have a lot of experience trying to analyse (sometimes second-guess) what the real problem or motive is. They don't always get it right, but they do try to give advice that they feel is appropriate.
I think it's unavoidable that you'll get a certain bias in a community like this. This one tends to be supportive of underdogs and people who have the right attitude (people trying to save their marriage, for instance). They are sympathetic to human weakness, but are very quick to put down people who they feel have the wrong attitude or motives. It may pay you to shop around at a few different forums and see what different responses you get.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe only thing that is different about people in the UK is that we defend ourselves. i am open to hearing advice that maybe I wouldnt agree with but some people in hear go way over the mark! Its like you just want a right good bitch at other peoples expences. I am not asking for any cheers or and I wouldnt even post a reply on hear glowing with victory! I first asked a question on here for some advice from MEN btw! The problem with americans is that you dont see a life outside AMERICA! I love America and I have alot of friends in DC! However I am sick of arragant up your own arses rejects replying with nonsence that is no help whats so ever but instead rude steroetypical remarks! Thats all I am going to say here, I am not wasting my time. Thanks to oldfool for actually giving me the advice I needed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Wow is it different in the UK than it is in the US? There are snotty disrespectful full of themselves self centered selfish arrogant callous women everywhere, and you fit the bill...if you don't want to be open to hearing advice you don't want, like the truth,then grow up and solve your own problems. This isn't a brag book and frankly this is getting old and stupid.....what do you want a cheer when you finally nail him? NOne of us cares.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat the hell do you know? I think people answer these posts simply for a good bitch rather than to give some real advice! I am not desperate, a lil eager maybe! Your right rarely you find a girl who just wants sex! But after the year i have had thats all i want. After i get him ill be very happy to forget about him. So shut up and dont reply again unless you have something good to say.
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reader, Deema +, writes (25 May 2008):
Stop kidding yourself hun. You're desperate, admit it. You want him for you. RARELY does a woman want a one night stand - and the way you are trying to get your hooks into him shouts loudly that you are after far more than that. You're trying far too hard to be convincing now. Just go do it. Stop being so desperate. Its not attractive any more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn the Uk things are very different from the US! I know cause i worked in DC last summer at a ymca camp. I think things should be sooo much like america lol but there not. The only time i could ever see him away from the neighbourhood as you say. Is probarly at a nightclub! A trip is out of the question because, thats the type of thing he does with his guy mates and his brother. I really dont see him falling for me but what i think is that everything happens for a reason and you can only go with the flow! We may end up falling for each other. However the reason why i wanted it to be a one night thing is so theres less chance of any feelings developing for either of us. I think this is something that if it does ever happen it will take time. I have time. Thankyou.
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reader, oldfool +, writes (25 May 2008):
Oh yeah, one other thing. What happens if he falls for you?
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reader, oldfool +, writes (25 May 2008):
I also think that if it's going to happen it's likely to happen when his hormones get the better of him. One day he may let his guard down and think, "Why not?"
Do you ever see him away from the neighbourhood? Like, people often get into sexual liaisons when they're on trips because a change of scenery loosens them up and gets rid of inhibitions. I have no idea how easy it would be to arrange something like that. I'm sure he'd be suspicious if you invited him to lunch in town. Anyway, just a few stray thoughts. I'm not a great seducer... Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to say Thankyou to oldfool for actually seeing my point of view and giving me some advice I need! I can see your point about being patient and thats what I am doing. Before I started this mission (you could call it) I always sunbathed in the garden anyways. Only difference is know i have a reason to do so other than getting sun! I can understand how he is worried. I do respect his feelings! Its not as if i am some crazy slut who needs sex and needs a man! The truth is for the first time in my life I am happy being single! I dont want a bf for the next year atleast. I have been through the toughest year and I have just started feeling so much happier again! Its great! My neighbour is a conquest. Do americans have conquests ever? I have an american friend and i asked his opinion on this and he agrees with oldfool! Just let it play out! I would never go out my way to put my hand on his doodaa without his permission first so thats not even an option lol. I just want a bit of fun, no strings attached for once in my life. Why does sex always have to involve feelings. Thats where people get hurt. I am just a 21 year old girl who wishes some fun. Whats so wrong with that. Thanx Oldfool. xxx
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reader, oldfool +, writes (24 May 2008):
Damn, wish you lived next door to me! On the other hand, I might feel a bit nervous, too, if news of our liaison got round the cul-de-sac.
You know the old saying about not shitting in your own nest. That's usually applied to romances in the same office. In your case, it's in the same neighbourhood. One night of casual sex could cause years of awkwardness, depending on how it turns out.
Still, I understand how you feel. It's a pity that he lives next door rather than the next suburb.
If you are really determined to get this man, I can only suggest you take it easy. Keep up the flirting. Make it clear you're still available. Don't push it. Don't make it appear that you're desperate for it. Don't try to trap him in a sexual situation. But if he does make a move, be sure to let him lead. He'll know you want it from the way you're shaking with lust -- don't do anything crass like thrusting your hand on his crutch.
It may take time, but you have to be patient. That's how guys have to do it. If a guy appears over-eager or desperate, the girl usually backs off. I think the same may be said for this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): You asked, he said no. Of course that was a very brave thing to do. However the answer is still no. We have no advice to give you that will help you change this man's mind. Sorry.
You have very strong feelings for this man, and it's probably made you a little emotionally unbalanced and causing you to act out of character. You need to forget all this and move onto another partner who will be more happy to see to your needs, cause this sure dosn't sound like fun to me.....
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reader, Deema +, writes (21 May 2008):
Darling, I don't think all this is doing your self-esteem any good. To go lay in the garden - on his command - and still be rejected must be really hurting you. You're worth more than that. You're better than that. Forget him, find someone who is available, whose not just playing you along and getting off on that. Yu're giving him a great deal of power. Take it back. Own it. See you're worth so much more, and then go for it - with someone who deserves to be with you. Good luck xx
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reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Hi, I read your last post and the previous replies as well. The thing you're going to have to come to terms with is that you've asked for it, he's answered, and the answer is still 'no.' If you were a male asking this question here on the site, you'd still get the same responses, in fact, it might even be harsher. But the thing is, 'No means no.' It's not a conditional maybe, it's not a 'if I keep trying eventually s/he will come around to my way of thinking' kind of thing.
I know that it's difficult to be handed a rejection slip; most of us here have been through that. But it is part of what we all will face in life. We can't always get what we want, even if it is just a bit of fun. The trick is learning to take rejection gracefully, learning from it, and moving on.
I expect this guy is flattered that you would be so interested in him, but at the end of the day, he has to be able to look your mother and her best friend, his mother, in the eye and feel good about his choices.
Yes, you can be sooooo attracted to someone you become completely distracted, but there is a big difference between feelings and actions. And this guy has made it clear to you that he is not interested in any action.
I know you're feeling judged about this, but you need to understand why people are being a bit harsh. This is a grow up moment, one of those times when the reality of life conflicts entirely with the fantasy, you may soooo wish for the fantasy to happen but, in reality, it never would be a good idea.
So please try to understand this from his point of view. He's said he thinks you are attractive, but that nothing will happen between you. You've got your affirmation of your sexiness, please don't push him into anything further, like having to ask his mother to tell your mother to tell you to back off. That would be uncomfortable for everyone, right?
And again, if you were a male posting this question, you would have had your genitalia handed back to you in a sack.
No means no. That's what you have to respect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I understand what everyone has said. The only reason i posted a question on here is because, i havent told anyone about this. However someone said do i do this often. NO! I only had sex for the first time last year and i was involved with someone on a really tense level. Eveyone says you will want it again but I know i wont. All I want to be honest is to have some fun and ever since i broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago i went right off sex!! I kept getting offers from different guys i know and even though i liked them i just couldnt do anything about it. I didnt feel the need for it. This has only occured with my neighbour in the past week. I have spoke to him about it twice on msn but its not as if i am contstanly asking him to fuck me! The first time i asked him he did say he could change his mind if i keep sunbathing in the garden and i did. So when i saw him online a week later i asked him if he has changd his mind and he still feels the way he does. I understand exactly where he is coming from and I am not trying to hurt or manipulate him. I just wanted some fun! and thats all it would be. I just asked this question on here to see if anyone has been in the same boat. I get the impression from him that if i wasnt his neighbour then he would! So its pissing me off that I am his neighbour! Someone said I should start acting like a 21 year old. As far as I am concerned I am for once in my life. I am not doing anything wrong here, he is single! I just wanted to get his attention as i like him but not all girls are after trapping men. I clearly dont want a relationship right know. I have just got out of one. Its correct I am from Scotland and we are different than Americans. I am someone who has had a hard ride the past year and i just wantto start having fun! It took alot of guts for me to ask him this in the first place. Its not something i have ever asked anyone before. He is a conquest! A challenge and even though he said what he said i didnt want to give up. But i dont want to pester him so thats also why i posted this. To gain advice and not just hear leave him alone. Because, i am not stalking him. I have spoke to hima couple of times regarding it. Maybe i should just accept its a lost cause but i have never just wanted someone for sex so badly before and its a strange new feeling to me.
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reader, Deema +, writes (20 May 2008):
But what you're forgetting and he's painfully aware of is that YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR!!!!!! Poor bloke would have to live right next to the girl he just has sex with, and then she is going to forget all about it???????? I don't think so. It doesn't take a genius to see that wouldn't happen. I think he's being very mature and responsible here and knows the consequences of his actions. Why don't you try doing the same love? Find yourself someone you could really have a relationship with - but I personally think thats what you want with him - and I think he knows that too. So leave him be. It will make life very difficult afterwards for both of you, and possibly your families. Much better to have the odd wink and flirt rather than feel embarrassed or rejected for years to come. Plenty of boys out there hun. Go get one.
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reader, lexilou +, writes (20 May 2008):
 I think once you have him you will want him again and again and this will escalate. You are not too young in my eyes but are mature enough to want casual sex however I think this is a massive crush and its consuming you. Stop pestering the poor bloke!!! You may have scared him off a bit not all men like girls to come onto them but prefer the old fashioned chase. I think he is showing you a lot of respect here and also respect for his gran and mum and your mum. Leave it as it is he knows youre interested and if he doesnt want to act on it then you should respect his decision as hard as it is x x
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reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 May 2008):
Honey you are 21 years old, start acting like one! This man is clearly freaked out by your behaviour, if you want to get to know this guy be friendly not some PREDATORY DESPERADO. No one one this page has called you a slut, all Rythmn and blues said was stop acting like one.
Do you proposition every guy you fancy for sex? If that is the case then you should back off and treat guys like a human being not a sex object.
Put yourself in your neighbours shoes, if he pestered you for sex you would have reported him for improper behaviour. Would you not ??? So chill and stop making a nuisance of yourself or he will and has every right to get a court injunction on you for unsociable behaviour.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): As I said I understand. You are from the UK and are overage and capable of making your own decisions in life. Remember some of the agony aunts posting on this board are adults with daughters of their own of a similar age to you. Their laws and values may also be very different than in the UK. It is only natural that they feel very protective about you.
You feel your old enough to have sex with this man (fair enough) But he dose not want the hassel (I got bad spelling too) of having sex with you. Your angry because people judge you for this. This is good, this is an example of how people will judge him if you continue your attempts to have sex with him.
One thing about your actions gives me cause for concern. This man has already told you clearly that he is unwilling to risk sex with you, yet you still seek our advice in your attempt to manipulate him. This is not nice. He is a grown man, and has feelings, and choices about things that he would like to do with his life. You are treating him as your own personal sex object and are determined to have sex with him no matter what he wants, and this is not right.
As I said, I understand. But by your current actions I wonder what kind of person you are and feel this man may be sensible to stay away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor a start I am 21 years old not a 13 year old imature little girl! Just because, i am a young girl no one can call me a slut for wanting sex with my neighbour! A slut is someone who sleeps around with alot of guys where i have been with 4 men in my life! I only lost my viginity last year and since then i was involved with someone complex. I am starting to get my life back on track and have some fun. I know my neighbour wants me from signals he has given me he is just unsure but i know it would be a one time thing and then i would have it out of my system. I asked for advice on how to convince him of this prefabrly form other men. I am not a great speller but we all can't be good at something!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Based on the spelling mistakes, I'd say your around 13 and pulling our leg. Close?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I think you need to get your hormones in control and stop propositioning men or boys for sex, it is very unattractive and predatory females have deeper issues.....do you get off on controlling men with your sexuality? Gives you a sense of power and desirability.
This is not the currency that you want to trade on with regards to your relationships. It will eventually lead you to feeling used and abused as people will lose respect for you and treat you accordingly. Perhaps you are trying to rebel against the authority your parents have over you since you are on the verge of leaving the nest. Find some more productive things to do with your time, like get a real hobby that doesn't involve sex, become INTERESTING instead of just loose and the guys who are worth something will flock to you.
You have most likely been a real turn off to your neighbor and he wants you to leave him alone....where is your self respect, you are going to keep trying to convince him to have sex with you when he has bluntly told you NO and he has given you a reason to try and help you save face with him, your mother's are best friends. He shows more character and CLASS than you do, in fact you are behaving like a slut, ugly word for ugly behavior....so stop it now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): You want to have sex with your neighbour and your looking for a bit of fun. I can understand that. But remember he's right to be carefull because he has much more than you to risk. You may not think it's an issue but other people will think because he's older than you, he's taken advantage. If they find out, your parents will hold him totally responsible and take their anger out on him. He's reputation will be damaged, and people around will start to look at him funny and protect their daughters from him.
You may be willing to risk all of this for a bit of fun, but he is not. As he's told you, young p..ssy is always on offer. He prefers to keep his skin and find somebody to have sex with that will cause him a lot less bother.
My advice is that you find someone else. You can approach him later when your a little older and noone can interfere.
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