A
female
age
41-50,
*onnah2214
writes:My boyfriend has been chatting online to strangers. I know that he has done it in the past and he promised that he wouldn't do it again. He has said that he hasnt and doesnt want to meet any of them but I feel I cant trust him. Should I try again and risk being hurt again or end the r/ship. We have been together for 6 yrs after meeting online!! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Donnah2214 +, writes (21 May 2008):
Donnah2214 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. We had a good talk last night and we have decided to try and make a go of it. He has said he wont drink alone any more and the pc is a no go area! So, thanks again x
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Online chat is very addictive .
It can be a compulsive and obsessive behaviour.
He needs help.
Try to ween him off the pc or ask him to seek counseling.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): hey there,i have more male frens than fmales. my frens share alpt of things to me. guys will be guys. they cheat , they manipulate n they cheat again. they do it without hsitation. many of my guy frens who already have steady relationship wit their gf still meeting up gals that they chat online. there are plenty of reasons y they do that. one of the many reasons is that they just want to have a one night stand. other reason could be they really like this gal n wanted to learn more about the gal n who knows from there...there will be a growing relationship. besides ..thats how he got u rite??? u have to decide. think wit ure brain n not ure heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, CinnamonSpice +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Hey there, just from experience, I've been thru the same thing with my partner of 3 yrs - we have slightly more to keep us together tho as we have a baby boy of 5 mths. I think you have every right to be wary of your partner chatting to these other girls online as I am... The last thing I want is for my partner to walk out on me & our son so he can go & have some fun with some floozy with one of these girls called who all seem to have names like 'naughty_girl' or 'shydizzayblonde89'!!
I'm feeling exactly as you are now & feel like the trust is slowly disappearing for me and it's not a healthy way to continue a relationship... I would suggest that you talk to your partner & explain your reasons for wanting him to stop talking to these girls - I don't think it's a case of whether anything will actually happen with any of them, its the fear that it will. Lying & cheating is totally disrespectful to you & I believe what he is do IS cheating (in an indirect form). I just hope I can take my own advice & pluck up the courage to talk face to face with my own partner! Good luck & let me know how you get on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (20 May 2008):
 It's a choice you are going to have to make.
The chances are that he can't understand why what he is doing is so disrespectful to you and why it is upsetting you so much. Equally, the chances are that it doesn't amount to any more than online "playing" - and I'm not saying you should accept it. Not at all.
Questions to ask yourself:
If he does it when he is drunk, is there a separate underlying problem you should be trying to deal with?
Can you accept it as part of what he does and not take it as being anything serious? (I wouldn't. Not the way he is doing it in secret and lying to you. But you need to consider whether perhaps you might, rather than split up).
Is there something in your relationship that is missing; something that you might be able to put back to drag him away from this silliness?
If he is doing it late at night or in the early hours of the morning, might it be that you could quite simply... um... be a little more active together on a more regular basis so that firstly he's too tired and secondly he's not feeling as much in need of playing silly games.
Lastly, but mostly importantly, do you want him? Do you want to keep him? Are you prepared to make the effort that's going to be needed for your relationship to continue in the future on the basis that you want it?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): You have made a threat to leave him, it is your decision if you carry it out or not. You have explained that you can't trust him, he's behaviour is devious. He seems unable to stop himself, and refuses to respect your wishes. The only silver lining is that he has told you he will not make physical contact with any of the women he meets on line....The choice is yours baby, it's your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Donnah2214 +, writes (20 May 2008):
Donnah2214 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis IS the 2nd time. I told him that if he did it again we would have to finish. I love him but feel i cant trust him now. I think he could have done it alot as it seems hes been downloading msn then chatting then deleting it. I thought our r/ship was good, we have a good sex life and spend time together but it seems he cant help it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (20 May 2008):
OK. That's a completely different matter.
No, you shouldn't put up with that. It's not so much that he "plays" online, but that he lies to you about it and tries to hide it. That's wrong. Completely wrong.
But six years is a long relationship to lose. Before taking drastic action, I would suggest you make absolutely clear to him how you feel about it, and issue a very strong ultimatum: either this sort of thing stops, or your relationship stops. IF he goes into defensive mode and waffles on about it not meaning anything and not being important, then call his bluff: say "OK, well do it while I'm around and I can see who you're talking to."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Ah.... now that's a lot different. The main problem that I see is not his online activity. But him being drunk and seperated from you at night.
If he would rather be alone, getting drunk, talking to "big tits" than lying down beside you in bed, I'd say you've got bigger problems than his online activity and you need to take a hard look at where this relationship is heading.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Ah, so you because you met him online, that he wants to meet someone else. This is faulty reasoning, and likely a result of some issues you have in your past.
The internet offers many facilities, e-mail, messenger, chat rooms. You are limiting his enjoyment of the computer world if you demand that he talk to noone else. Your behaviour is controlling and totally of the scale. If you have no evidence or reasonto believe he is physically cheating on you and if he is honest and open about his activities online, you have no reason to complain.
What will you do next in this relationship. Demand he stops talking to people he meets in the street at work. And how come you allow yourself the luxury of talking to us online, but deny this to him?
...............................
A
female
reader, Donnah2214 +, writes (20 May 2008):
Donnah2214 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI find that he does it at one in the morning drunk when im in bed and that he lies about it deceitful. It worries me that the girls he talks to are called big tits cassie etc. They also talk about sexual things. I dont think Im being paranoid.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (20 May 2008):
Chatting online to anyone isn't a problem any more than chatting to someone in a shop or at the bus stop.
Unless you have reason to believe there is more to it, then you really need to chill out and be a little more trusting. Are you going to tell him he can never talk to anyone ever again just in case "something happens"? That's not a relationship, that's paranoia.
Or is there something you're not telling us?
...............................
|
