A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a married man - I just got thru a divorce that had nothing to do with him. I have been seeing this man for almost a year (four month break - his wife suspected, he got scared, we all tried to do right thing). Then the emails came, and then the meetings. He travels ever week for work, and it is very easy to me to get to wherever he may be. The sex is wonderful, but its not just that - we have had many times together where we just talk, laugh, hold hands, cry..etc - no physical anything - and we love those times. I think he feels the same way - he says it, and I truly believe it.He has been sick and was recently hospitalized for surgery - his wife took he kids and went on vacation in another state - he was scared to death of this surgery and I couldn't handle the thought of him being alone - so I waited in a waiting room, the urgery had complications - waited almost 12 hours, saw him briefly after. He is very sick but did find out his wife called the hospital and they told her I was in waiting room.So - now he is scared (he doesn't want to lose his kids), plus he is so sick and out of it that he is delirious. He called yesterday - told me he loved me - and I have heard nothing since. I will not call or text as I don't know if she has come back and I dont want him to have any more trouble. So I can bet that the next phone call will be the break up call and I can't handle it - I have given evrything - this hurts more that I can take.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Look grow up! You played with fire, and you will get burn. Didn't your mother tell you that? Men like him want the cake and eat it. Women like you facilitate it and you ask "why" and "what" must you do?Simple.Get out of this married couple's lives and stay out!Let them sort out their marital problems. You show the man any shred of hope that you will take him, the marriage will not have a chance.You want him? Then wait, until he is a free man, after he has done the right thing with his present wife and child.Women like you make it hard for other women who took the challenge to be a wife and mother.Get out and stay out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Personally, I am not married, I do have strong feelings about women that date married men however. When will women ever stop enabling bad behavior in men and start becoming supporters of women? In other words, you are a woman's worst nightmare and worst enemy.
You deserve to sit in the shadows waiting for tidbits to be thrown your way........why did you go after another woman's man in the first place? Stop whining, you knew he was married.
He is not going to leave his wife for you, he will only tell you sweet nothing bullshit and play you because he is a bad man. He is married, he took vows with the other woman, not you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 July 2008):
 The first problem comes with being with a married man. Can you ever expect someone who's already committed to be able to share the same level of commitment with a second person? His marriage may not be the greatest that exists, but it's still a marriage.
What would you do if you were the wife. Would you allow your husband to have someone else on the side?
I understand it's difficult, but when being with a married man, you assume the risk or it being over at any time.
I believe your problem comes from within you and not the issue at hand. In what you said, it seems as if you feel dependent on someone being there. These are issues I feel you need to work on prior to dating again. Build yourself up, and your personal strength, then you may just find someone who's strong as well. You shouldn't get into a relationship with a week sense of self. By doing so, you leave yourself wide open to being hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): If the break comes then I guess that you will just have to do what we all do in that situation - cry, feel hurt, angry, frustrated, lost, sick. And it'll hurt, oh boy will it hurt! But then, like any grieving process, without you even realising at first the pain will start to ease and it will get better and the sun will start to shine for you again (although I know it won't feel like it ever will at first!).
If the break-up call doesn't come then it's time for Mr Wonderful to make a decision about who he wants to be with. And if he won't then YOU, my dear, will have to. You can either endure the endless upsets just for those few moments of pleasure, the tension, the fear and put up with it until heavens knows when (probably when his wife finds out properly) and live a half life or you can make the break yourself and endure all the pain and heartache but know that one day it will ease and that you will be happy again and free to meet someone who can give you happiness and pleasure all the time.
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