A
female
age
41-50,
*eddexx1234
writes:Hi all,I am feeling so pathetic right now. So I recently got to know this particular someone through my work. He was like a father figure as he was very helpful and I felt like he treated me like a daughter-ish or you know, like he took me under his wing. And he seems pretty old, like 40 something.Now, my work with him has come to an end. And NOW, I think he is hitting on me.I am actually quite sure he is. I can't deal with this feeling. I just want to run away. It makes me cry in disgust every time I think about it.I don't feel right. Please help me deal with this emotion. Thanks for taking your time to go through/ answer this question. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Feddexx1234 +, writes (29 November 2011):
Feddexx1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am 26. I agree i took it too seriously. I think i was just a bit surprised. thats it.
Anyway thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): OP why is this such a big deal to you? Frankly I don't get it. You got to know a guy in work, you don't even know him well enough to know how old he is and you're an emotional mess just because he's gotten flirty?
Is this how you react whenever any guy comes on to you?
I think Chigirl may be on to something here OP. This really is a case of spilled milk, unless of course you are missing a father figure in your life and desperately seeking one, because I really can't see any other reason this would upset you so much. In which case you should go seek professional help.
OP this can't have been the first time you've met a guy and then found out he had a thing for you, surely you don't react this way every time do you?
OP a lot of your post makes very little sense, you have no reason to feel pathetic, in fact being desired is a good thing. So what if you got the wrong end of the stick? OP you should know by now that most random guys you meet that take the time to "take you under their wing" are after your sauce. That's what we do, that's how it works.
This is not a big deal at all, you don't have to do anything but find a way of being a bit more relaxed about it all. This happens all the time to girls and guys and is just a part of life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): You are 26-29 and he is 40 and you consider him as a father figure and you think he is old?! It doesn’t sound right! By the way nothing has happened even if he is interested and you don’t have any interest just ignore him.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (28 November 2011):
Express to him that you see him as a father figure and that you view your relationship as that of a mentor/mentee and father/daughter. Tell him you respect him as a person, but you cannot now, nor will you ever view the relationship between the two of you as anything romantic in nature. Tell him you are sorry if he somehow misinterpreted the nature of the relationship as anything other than what you intended it to be.
If that doesn't cause him to cease hitting on you, please try to let him go.
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Hello,
I think from what you say he behaved acceptable. He didn't try anything while at work and now that work has finished he is possibly looking at you as a potential partner. He would not have any notion that you saw him as a father figure. In all fairness, late 20's date 40's. 30's date 50's etc. I can't see how he is doing anything wrong to upset you in any way. What peobably happened is he shattered your ideal of a father figure and that is probably why you are so upset. However, he is not at fault. If he does try to further things, just use a polite refusal and then that's all understood. Hope things work out well.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 I trust this will let you see that people do not necessarily see us in the same light we see them. You may have thought of him as a father figure, but he didn't see you as his daughter.
Being older than he is, frankly I can't see why he should. The youngest you can be is 26. This website is full of people asking about relationships involving such age differences, and more.
It seems to me that the man waited until your common work was over to "hit" on you. That suggests he didn't rush things.
By the way, have you noticed the number of almost-30-year old women who "hit" on men 40 and older? I think your crying is an exaggeration.
Say something like "No, I'm not interested, sorry", and leave. It's not like you have to see him again, since your common work is over.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 What are you crying about? So the man is hitting on you, so what? Does it mean you have to marry him? No, it doesn't. Treat it like you treat anyone else unwanted who hits on you, give them a firm rejection.
If you are letting something like this get to you so badly that it makes you cry then you might want to look into yourself as find a reason for why you are taking this so seriously and letting it hurt you so much. It's not normal that you should react so heavy to such a small matter. Are you otherwise overly emotional? Are there other things going on in your life making you emotional? Your extreme reaction (crying) over such a small matter (a man hitting on you) suggests you have deeper emotional issues going on, and your feelings will not be calm unless you deal with his deeper issue.
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