A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been somewhat involved with a man who is engaged... We work together. I am 21 and he is 34. We started off as good friends.... im not going to get into it as everyone woman seems to have the same old boring story. Anyway, it has always been more of an emotional connection... we always need to be together, we listen to eachother, tell eachother everything... We love being around eachother - he is the one person i truly feel myself with. i feel we will never lose that connection.Right now - he is a mess, he is honestly all over the place. He is very depressed because he would like to leave his fiance as what he is doing is wrong... He wants to pursue this relationship with me. We both cannot believe how perfect it feels to be with eachother.He feels there is so much at risk. E.g Age difference, experience on my behalf, looking back and wondering if he made the right choice. I am not pushing him although i will not be waiting around... I need him to make the right choice. If he leaves her i need him to be sure... I want him to see what its like without her, then i want to take our relationship slow.Has anyone ever been in this situation? I am confused as to what my options are and how this may turn out. I love him dearly and we do not want to lose eachother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Been there. Done that. Didnt get the trophy. You think he will leave his security for you? - he wont. He says she doesnt understand him - he is making excuses for his guilt.
Leave this man before your heart is broken, and for some reason it hurts even more when they were someone elses in the first place, think it must be because you feel like you have lost the battle. Seriously, if he was going to leave her then he would have left, not saved time to weigh up the pros and cons.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Lose him. Reason being, you love him dearly but he's with someone else. What if you were in his girlfriends shoes, how would you feel. It seems as if he sure doesn't mind being with 2 at the same time. Let's say he ends it, and you get him, how long before you 1 and he add a 2.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (28 September 2007):
 No, I personally have not been in your position. So I may not fully understand the position you are in. However, I feel that if this relationship between you and him feels so right, and it is so perfect why hasn't he left her? They are not married yet, you did not mention any children. So why the hesitation on his part? I am not judging you or him but i think that is something you should think about. Sure everything is great in the beginning but the fun times soon end when you are the "girlfriend" and you have to trust him with your heart like she has. A person who cheats is not someone you can trust. You deserve to have a relationship where your happiness is the number one priority. This man simply can not give that type of commitment. Suppose he leaves his relationship with her, to be with you and things start to change. Who is he going to blame for the destruction of his engagement. It would be much easier for him to point the finger at you, instead of looking in the mirror at the "problem" itself. I hope this helps and that you take my advice and go out and date and have fun. Eventually you will find a single unattached fellow that will have a greater connection with you than you think you have right now. To be honest I do not think two people can have a sincere connection with a third party involved. While you two are connecting she is invading his thoughts good or bad so he is not fully connecting.
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