A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have reconnected with a man, who a had a few dates with, a few years back. We really hit it off, but life sort of got in the way. I was an empty nester, but he was a widower with three kids home from 10-21. We started chatting in late September. He got Covid around Thanksgiving, he hot it from his middle child. His youngest, who is 14 got it as well. We did talk on the phone, once for almost two hours, but usually share short texts and check ins. We did meet, at the end of December. The meeting went great, there was definitely a spark! We did hug and hold hands, but he didn't want to do anything, that I was uncomfortable with, because of Covid. Ever since we have talked about once things get better and we get the shot, all the things we are looking forward to doing for ex. eating out, walking in public without a mask, weekend getaways etc. We were going to meet again in March, but he didn't feel well and had a fever. We had to cancel. He did get a Covid test and he thankfully tested negative. I told him it is best to wait for the vaccine. So, we have continued flirting and talking about fun things, to look forward to in the future. I am fully vaccinated and have been telling him how happy, that I got vaccinated. I have been hearing about so many people getting vaccinated, but he hasn't talked about it. I thought maybe he was going to surprise me. I find just asked him. He admitted to me that he is unsure, if he is going to get the vaccine. He talked to his doctor and was told he had natural immunity. He feels that he doesn't need the vaccine. He then on to tell me if it is a deal breaker we will have to discuss it further. I was totally shocked! I told him, that I didn't know what to say and needed time to think. I was first angry, disappointed and many other emotions. He does have the right to make his own decisions, but in the case of Covid-19, it isn't just about him. I feel he is being selfish and not thinking of others. What about the greater good for the community? He sent me a my saying he understands, that everyone has to do what is best for them. I took a few days and contacted him. I told him, that I am ready to hear, what he has to say. He told me he couldn't talk the particular day. I mentioned another day, but he hasn't answered back. He sent me a message wishing me good morning and have a good day. Tomorrow is the day, I mentioned we discuss things. I was going to ask him again. I getting a vibe that he is avoiding me. I feel that he is leaning towards not getting it. If he is not getting it, then I don't see continuing on to develop a relationship. He knows how I feel about geo vaccinated. I apparently am not important enough, for him to want to get vaccinated. I just want to hear his reasons and know where I stand. If he doesn't get vaccinated and we date, if he ever doesn't feel well or has a fever, I would demand a Covid test. So, we would have to cancel and he would go and get tested. I feel that is so much work,bye might as well just get vaccinated. Relationships are hard enough, with not adding another stress. I feel like telling him it's over if he doesn't get the vaccine. He knows where to find me, if he changes his mind, but I am not going to wait. I can't afford to take the chance of getting sick. Am I being irrational? How long should I wait for him to set up a day and time to talk about it?
View related questions:
flirt, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2021): If he is not of the same opinion as you and you feel so compelled to force your opinions onto others, then this is obviously not going to work. Whether he's right or you're right, no-one can tell and the fact that you are being so dictatorial towards him, does not bode well for this, or any other relationship you enter into.
I don't think you need to worry about how long you need to give him to discuss this with you, I think he has already made it clear that he is avoiding the subject (because he doesn't like being told what to do) and I think it likely that he is also avoiding you.
Problem solved!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 May 2021):
 Considering that the manufacturers have admitted the jab neither stops you getting the virus nor passing it on to others, why are you so hell bent on him having it? Considering how many people have suffered serious side effects, including death, after taking the jab, why are you so hell bent on him having it? He has already contracted the virus and his doctor has told him he will have immunity (as is normal), so why are you so hell bent on him having the jab? If you believe in the efficacy of the jab, and have had the full course, surely you must believe YOU are protected?
This jab is not a vaccination. A vaccination stops you getting the illness. According to the manufacturers, this jab merely helps you fight the illness IF you contract the virus; hence, by definition, it is a treatment, not a vaccine. Why would someone take a treatment for something they have already had and against which their doctor has told them they now have immunity, especially considering there are other tried and tested treatments on the market, including ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine, not to mention very successful clinical trials using high doses of vitamin C and D to combat the virus? All these points considered, why would he risk taking an experimental jab? All this information is easy to find if you bother to look for it instead of blindly believing what the mainstream media tells you. (Try using alternative search engines to the usual ones like google, who are exercising serious censorship on anything which does not agree with the mainstream media line on this "pandemic".)
If I was in this man's shoes, I too would back off from you and find someone who was capable of more logical thinking. What gives you any right to demand he undertakes any medical procedure his doctor has told him he does not need? You are not even in a relationship. God forbid what you will expect from him if you ever start dating. Do you never leave your house? If you go out shopping, do you demand people in the shops have the jab for your protection?
Leave him be and find yourself someone who thinks like you. He should not have to risk his wellbeing to be with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2021): I think it would be more responsible of us here at DC to refrain from being lulled into a political feud about vaccinations. We have enough to deal with the rantings of the divisive media; and I refuse to be baited into such a discussion.
OP, if you feel strongly enough about vaccinating; then follow your heart and your conscience.
Covid 19 killed 500,000 Americans. Meanwhile, like all viruses, it is mutating.
That's all I'll bother to say about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2021): You have three kids.Do not risk your lives for a man.Not worth it at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (7 May 2021):
 If its a deal breaker then walk away. I understand where you are coming from, but the man has right to do what he wants, feel like he does, just as you do. If you aren't comfortable with the way he is handling things, then its time to end things. This whole vaccine thing is very much like the wear a mask/don't wear a mask and it really can raise the blood pressure in some people because of how they feel about the matter.
My husband is a doctor and we are very strong advocates of being safe, wearing a mask wherever we go and respecting the 6 feet space between others. We both however have never been sold on the vaccine just because it has not had enough time to be tested and we are older and are afraid of the more serious side effects. I work from home, and he did too once the pandemic started. All of his classes were remote. We had every intention of not getting the vaccine until we felt more comfortable. We weren't hurting anyone because we only go for walk in a very remote area, never go to stores and have all of what we need delivered. And then 2 weeks ago my husband we informed that his college campus was going to open back up and EVERYONE who worked there must get vaccinated. My husband was not happy at all..and felt very forced and trapped. He even considered quitting his job. He felt that strongly about not getting the vaccine until more time had passed and he felt safe. We are talking about a man who works in labs and is very familiar with viruses. He did not feel safe getting the vaccine! I followed his experience and wisdom feeling he knows far more than the average person.
He eventually gave in and got the vaccine but was very unhappy about it. He got sick within 10 minutes of getting the shot. Just as he was afraid of. Luckily, it wasn't long lasting effects but still....he didn't like what happened. He cautioned me to wait until the fall if I want to get the shot. He just feels that strongly against it.
Are we stupid? I don't know...but its how we feel. I don't want someone telling me what to do when I know I am not harming anyone else. It would be different if I was out in the work force but I'm not. I wouldn't like someone trying to push me or talk me into something. I wouldn't like it at all.
Again, you are have a right to your feelings. Your boyfriend has talked to his doctor, its not like he's being careful. You just don't see eye to eye on how things should be treated. Find someone who shares your views. If I was with someone who didn't want to wear a mask or distance themself from others, I wouldn't want to be with them. I get how you feel but you can't make someone do what they don't want to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2021): Here's the thing. Immunity is tricky. Everybody reacts differently to the virus AND the vaccine. You could have had covid and still get infected and infect other people. You could have gotten vaccinated and still get infected and infect other people.These are hard times. The only thing that works is something that is not possible for all people and it's really hard - physical distancing and wearing masks. But, as I said not all people can always do the first part due to their work or private lives (if they live with someone or have kids!).You want reassurance and none can be given in this situation. A friend of mine recently asked if she should go to a family reunion - a dinner. I told her I didn't know. She then insisted that her uncle got vaccinated, her aunt had covid etc wanting to prove to me that no one there would be able to infect her. She desperately wanted me to reassure her and I couldn't, because there are no guarantees! The problem in this case was not seeing people. It was the fact that they wanted to hang out as if nothing had been happening - eating, drinking, no distance, not wearing masks. Funny thing is. She herself had not had covid or got vaccinated. She was counting on others to protect her, never worrying for a second that she could have infected someone else.As I said, tricky times, no guarantees.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2021):
 I also have had Covid and will probably not get the vaccine either. I also ASKED my doctor not the "court of public opinion) and based my decision on what my educated doctor said. I'm not anti-vax - I'm anti ignorance.
I know there are many people who are VERY scared about the virus and I get it, it's nasty. I still don't have my sense of smell back and it's been a month and a half. That is literally the worst that happened to me and again, I talked to my doctor who mentioned even with the vaccine you are NOT immune. Viruses mutate. That was the issue with the Flu H1N1, which killed 500,000 Worldwide (in the first year). The vaccine (flu shot) DID help the most vulnerable (in H1N1's case - kids) to have some resistance to the flu. Which has ALSO mutated over the years.
If you are in the VULNERABLE group or work with vulnerable patients/people - like nurses, doctors, caretakers - I think the vaccine is a must, or at the very least a really good idea.
But making DEMANDS that he tests or gets the vaccine when you aren't even dating in person? Kinda kooky.
Him CHOOSING to not get vaccinated is NOT about you. It's about HIM and HIS choices and the advice he got from his doctor. YOU are NOT his doctor and probably doesn't know more than the average person about what people should or shouldn't do.
Are you irrational? I think so. But obviously, you don't. So end it and move on to someone who is more on the same page as yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2021): Hi
It's all a personal choice with this pandemic and vaccination, but if he has been told that he has full immunity because he has antibodies then that is a good thing. If you believe that the vaccine is important then when you are covered by it then surely you won't catch it anyway or spread it. Nobody really knows enough about any of it at the moment. The most sensible thing is for you to make sure that you are safe by having it and take the necessary precautions.
It really is a personal choice when it comes to vaccines.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 May 2021):
 I can not understand why you think it is important that a person with natural immunity (his body built antibodies when he had Covid) Get immunized (given 2 shots a month apart to force his body to build antibodies that it already has). I don't understand how his immunization can possibly help the greater good of the community. His immunization will simply use up a dose of vaccine to immunize an immune person, when it could have increased herd immunity by being used on anyone who doesn't have natural immunity. Thus lowering community immunity by precisely one person.
A medical professional has advised him. If in the future either he or you get a fever, either he or you will be tested because either he or you could be infected with a new variant, which the vaccine will prevent neither of you from contracting.
Your emotions are that this man is not obeying you whim. He is in fact safely immunized. But because he has not done what you demand you are choosing to end the relationship. I find that a rational, if somewhat pushy, reason to walk away. I would suspect that in the future he will continue to consult his doctor and follow his doctors advice. You apparently can't live with that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2021): I think you should let him go. Not because I think he is at fault but you're absolutely right it's his decision and he shouldn't feel forced into it, you have no idea what his reasons are.
Quite honestly in his shoes I'd be put off by your attitude towards it, but that's my opinion, I've had both jabs but I feel no need to bang onto anyone else if they choose not to and that includes anyone.
So you are at a brick wall and all down to a vaccination, how would you manage other things, you do know there is more going on than just covid right?
I work in a hospital and honestly we rarely mention it, it seems to be people who have holed themselves away that are in a frenzy over it.
Yes we have all had to make sacrifices and yes it's a global pandemic but it is still his choice regardless so if you feel that strongly about it, let him go.
...............................
|
