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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi everybody please dont judge me too soon as i already feel very guilty. I was previously in a relationship and split up since then I have met up with a friend of ours. We are instantly attracted to each other and couldnt help ourselves from having a relationship. We have been in a relationship for 4 months however he has a fiancee who he has been with for 9 years. They have been unhappy for a long time and he does not want to be with her. I dont ask too many details about their private life as it is bad enough we are carrying on behind her back - not something i am proud of. I have never been so happy as to when i am with him and i know deep down i am very much in love with him and would give up anything to spend my life with him. He tells me he is in love with me too and when he is with me I feel it from him, we connect so well. He told me a couple of days ago that he told her he is in love with somebody else and all of his family are aware of this. He said that his family are all very angry with him. His fiancee is still clutching onto their relationship which he tells me makes things more difficult. For months he told me the reason he couldnt leave her is because of commitments, house, car and debt now he said they are on a break even though they are still living in the same house. This is making me very upset I wish he would just cut the strings and leave. He tells me he sleeps on the couch but how do i know this and he told her that he has stopped seeing me because apparently just leaving her for me would cause more trouble and he needs to leave her in a good way. (is there such a thing?) We have calmed meeting up down a bit in case she sees he is still seeing me but he doest always reply to my txts and doesnt always come over when he should. He says we will be together and he loves me and alot of times i believe him, i am just very insecure. Some of my friends think i shoud forget him and others think he will be true to his word. I am at a loss however the last thing i want to do is give up on him i feel like i need him. What should i do and how do you think he feels? Please give me your honest opinion and i will try to take it on board. Thank you. x
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female
reader, belladonna123  +, writes (19 August 2008):
hey babe. Oh yes what a tough situation this is.Right now the only thing you can do is to temporarily forget him. Give him an ultimatum. Of course it's hard for both of you, but you're adults and knew what you were getting into. Stop seeing him, and I mean cut off ALL contact. He will either do the same, but then at least you know where you stand OR realise he needs you in his life and do what is necessary to keep you if you loves you like he says he does. This is really your only option, otherwise things could get worse or it would just drag on for yours to come and I'm sure you dont' want that, now do you? Good luck and please give us an update.
A
female
reader, chloe71z  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Well you have gotten yourself into a pickle. Ives her he would basicly have to split everything just as if they were married once you have bought something with a person it is half yours. It sounds like to me that he is trying to keep from having to completly start over. They have to figure out how to split up everything. Also she is not going ot just let go of a 9 year relationship. But if he wants out he needs to move out not keep staying there with her. He is in a very delecate situation and he has to handle it the best way he knows how. What you can do is give him a time fraim like two months to get it straitened out of your going to move on and with your life. If he loves you he will understand. If he blows a gasket and gets all upset then you will know that he really just wanted you as a good F*** on the side. He dont want to loose that. I had a problem simular like that with my husband. I told him that I was contimplating divorce, Because he was treating me bad and taking advantage of me and yelling at me and I got sick and tired of it. He has since changed his attitude and started helping me out with bills and house hold chores. Hope this helps God Bless
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A
female
reader, marbella +, writes (18 August 2008):
Oh my dear,If he is with you all the time and you feel he is honest is OK...but if he start to do not show up when he should...be carefull, men are not attached to anything, there is no men attached to his kids, or to his house, men are attached by love, as anybody else. If he did not leave her is because he doesn't want to do so. To me he has convenced you for a while that he love you and you believed it, now maybe he is looking for a new reason to be separated from you in a very slowly way, to don't hurt you...be caerefull
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