A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with this man for 2 years now. He seemed very sweet and attentive at first and has always desired me more than I do him but I've looked past that and tried to see other qualities in him. He is 45 years old and had been living with mom and pa until I snapped about two months ago and told him I'd stop seeing him until he got his own place( the lack of privacy had been an ongoing issue and I just couldn't respect a man that still lived like a teen(his mom would even come down to gather his dirty clothes and wash them and clean around for him)He than decided he was going to get a place in my building. I felt guilty about this and somehow started looking at places with him and i gave up my place(big regret)and moved in with him. I now feel like I am living with a completely different guy than the man I met 2 years ago. I woke up( way before I was supposed to be up) with his penis in my face because "he was horny". He made me have sex with him while i was on my period because he did not believe me that it would be messy and didn't care that i was not in the mood or that i was in pain. He never said thank you or please or sorry. when i say good night at night, he sais......"yeah ok" This morning he was horny again and woke me up from a dream(way before my alarm) because he was horny. I feel like he has no manners or respect for me but I feel trapped because we signed a 1 year lease and if i move out he is either stuck with the entire rent or if he brakes the lease he will lose one months rent and 350 on top of that :(
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horny, in the mood, moved in, period, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mistresskiki  +, writes (25 July 2014):
No, sorry - after this update, I don't believe for a second you 'owe' this person anything. If you "feel like a whore" just up and leave. Explain exactly why you are leaving, don't listen to any of the inevitable abuse/abject pleading and find someone who shows you love, consideration and respect because this jerk doesn't seem to have any positive aspects to his personality.
I've met more socially and emotionally aware toddlers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your advice so far...
Yes, he didn't"make me" to have sex with him on my period but he nagged me so much about it saying that I am not normal and what's the big deal, etc, that yes i consented just to shut him up and hopefully teach him a lesson so that he might leave me alone in the future.
I feel obligated to stay with him until the end of the lease because:
a) he helped me get over my ex( big heartbreak)
b) he put up the entire deposit so I would not stand to lose any money and that would not be fair to him
c) i feel guilty because if it weren't for me he would still be living with his parents and be paying a fraction of what he would be paying if i moved out and stuck him with the entire rent.
He has a good heart but he drives me nuts because he wasn't well educated( never sais thank you, please, sorry, etc), thinks he should pay attention to his personal hygene(shave, shower and smell good) if 'i deserve it and if i've been a good girl(given him sex)
sexually we are very incompatible( i am very traditional and conservative, he likes pushing the boundaries with things like period sex, eating ass and anal sex(last two i firmly said NO)I feel like he is trying to overcompensate for his lack of sexual experience through weird sex. Also, often when he demands sex from me, he is not even horny(no boner).....he just wants to stick in his flaccid small penis and masturbate with me till he gets hard, then he comes. This of course is another reason why i'm not crazy about having sex with him whenever he feels like him and I'm not too turned on by him
Continuing to live with him for the remainder of the lease and continuing to have bad sex with him just so that he doesn't wake me up at 3 or 5 am kind of leaves me feeling empty and depressed and feeling like a whore:(
W
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A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (24 July 2014):
I would leave like a shot; it sounds as though he would be happier with a box of tissues than an person with feelings. Pay the landlord your share of the rent and cut your losses and get the hell out of Dodge.
Quite frankly, his attitude towards you is repulsive; to be woken up because hew ants sex 'now' and it doesn't sound as though he knows the meaning of the word 'endearment'.
Ick.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2014): Honey, This has been a learning experience for you. In hindsight, he should have lived on his own for a year before you moved in with him.
Tell him what your boundaries are, and he should respect them. You have to realize that in relationships experience he's at the level you would find 18 - 20 year olds. He' not experienced and you are his first grown up relationship from the sound of it.
If he is unwilling to accept your boundaries and treat you with the respect you want, than break the lease and move out. But you need to talk to him first and give him a chance to change his actions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 July 2014):
 Oh eww...
YOU do have a choice, REMOVE yourself from the leaser and any bills that are in your name pertaining to the lease/apartment.
Then FIND yourself a place for you once you have a place of your own, pack up your stuff and move out.
OR...
If you want to be with him, then you NEED to GROW a set of ovaries and tell him it's NOT ACCEPTABLE to wake you up with a boner and expect sex.
You said he "made" you have sex on your period. No he didn't. YOU ALLOWED it. If you don't WANT sex you tell him no, stop playing victim here.
This is not a ... you made your bed so you have to lie in it situation.
DECIDE what you want (and do NOT want) and go for that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 July 2014):
 The things he does are not uncommon and some women like it. It's just that you don't like his personality and don't have much respect for him. He doesn't stop even when he sees that you find him behaving like a dog.
I think he is who he is. His sexual style is serving it always when he's ready. Before you move out, ask yourself if you love this man. If he resumes being sweet and attentive, would you stay? You can try sleeping in separate bedrooms and only have sex when you feel like it. If you want to make him happy then you would have to initiate enough. I am not sure if I can say you impulsively moved in with him. You did date him for 2 years and it's about time you know each other in a more intimate setting. For me, I would have known if I wanted to marry someone after 2 years. For you, you moved in just because of the privacy issue, and that you can't stand a grown man living with parents. Those are not enough reasons to live with someone. Sounds like he just doesn't have too many good qualities.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2014): You have a choice to live out your lease, or get out of there.
So let him get stuck with the rent. He's being a total jerk, and it's time fended for himself. Just be sure you pay your share of the rent up to the time you leave. Don't expect to be compensated, if you paid part of the deposit on the apartment. You forfeit your share, if you break the lease.
You can say something if you don't like the way he has been approaching you, you know!!! Tell me how he's so different when he was mooching on his parents?
I just think you acted impulsively by moving in with him; and without giving it much thought. Now you regret it.
I don't think he changed. You changed your mind about being with him. Still living with his parents like a man-child, and all that stuff, should have given you a clue. After-all, he did exactly as you asked. He found his own place.
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