A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have read some similar subject as mine but I need some advice, or get some idea of what this is or not? It is important for my future. My friend now for a couple of years has an interest in shemales. In fact, after four years of marriage -so far I get to know- (now divorced) and preparing himself to a business trip, he started compiling shemale information. For instance, all shemale information possible (bars, streets, places to meet, etc) and this all before this departure to very well known "prostitution" sides of the world. He's always had a healthy sexual appetite. But he was abused when he was a teenager by a male family member a little bit older than he (several times: put it on his mouth, ...). As far as I know, he regularly looked at porn sites as well as shemale sites and sex date sites. I do not know he if likes to dress in woman's clothing, but at a certain period when he was little he liked it. I do no limit myself to parameters and am open-minded but is this all normal? And acceptable?The latest occasion I saw he showed interest in a shemale, this person was rather masculine looking (for me as a woman it was disgusting) and he was giving a challenging comment on his/her position (laying with a vibrator on his/her anus) in an extasis position (it was the face of a man with long hair and lipstick wearing a sexy bra but recognizable to me that it was a man). Other shemales he dated when we were not together, I do not know how they looked (I think he told me he dated 3, but in reality, it might have been many more? 10?) Is this searching for a woman with a penis something that I should talk to a specialist about? What I tell is all too personal, but I feel I have to tell someone. He likes anal sex and I enjoy that, in fact I enjoy being together a lot. Only these facts I mentioned are very disturbing for me even though he says he stops as now we are together. I just need some opinions. Another fact, he likes not only anal sex with me, but he likes to have it himself. I really don't want to cause a big thing with us because I love him very much, but when I think about my future this is hard to bite, and I do not think I can trust that he would stop. He has been into shemales for more than ten years (so far as "I" know). Please advise me, thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I just keep this on because he is gently affectionate lovely tender but I guess he is so with anyone wearing a skirt.
Perhaps I want also confirmation from others, know what a man would think of this would also help me.
Is this a twisted person, a twisted relation? Perhaps yes I know this in my hart
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 I'm not a guy, but maybe more of them will respond.
Quite frankly, what you posted since your first messsge only demonstrates even more strongly (as if the "evidence" wasn't convincing enough beforehand) what poor boyfriend material he is - let alone as a potential husband!
You say he lied to one of these shemales? See, he can'tt be trusted. How many others has he lied to, including you? Remember: YOU found out about his fetish; he didn't tell you......
It may hurt to dump him, but just remember: you'll be saving yourself from a great deal of unhappiness......all you have to us make up your mind that you're going to tell him you recognize this relationship won't work and goobye, don't contact me again....
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 March 2011):
I really do hope that the "good feeling you have" does NOT continue to blind you to the grim realities of your situation!Face it: he is NOT going to change or give up his fetish, even if you get married. Not only that, you can't be sure he won't transmit an STD to you. You'll be absolutely miserable long-term.Is that what you really want? THINK about it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much. I wish I had more male feedback. Either move on, yes it is easy said and maybe I know I should. Repraising one of the comments: He doesn't sound like marriage material or the kind of guy you want to bring home to the folks! = He is a very smart brilliant person, astute I would say: maybe the reason why he can keep me still blind even though his only and greatest magic is his charming and softness. It is just behind the curtains where the problem lies.I wonder if all men act sometime like this? Also have to think that he also lied to a shemale he met, he said I was very emotional and therefore the had to stop seeing her/him and then he added something about a crash accident (?) I wonder why he would like to her/him also? Or maybe I know he only wants to project good image toward the others. But I think so would do many other people in the same kind of thing because of society rules.But as a real man, what would you tell me of this all? please
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A
female
reader, Laputa  +, writes (5 March 2011):
He will never change. That is his sexuality, and as you know it is controlled by a certain part of the brain. Solution: as he can't get a brain implant, leave him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Either move on, or get a sex change operation, whichever you think is more practical. He doesn't sound like marriage material or the kind of guy you want to bring home to the folks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous male reader, thank you
Commenting your your sentence "He's been truthful with you"= it is not true, it is me who has discovered these during the time being together and confronting him with it, he had to admit, but I know they were more; so in that he is not really being honest with me. I had a previous experience with a man who was always honest but not affective as he is. Are most of men always looking forward? I do not have a problem with trying new things experience new emotions but this is blocking me a lot. He is so lovely with me, but so he does with any other female or shemale or ?
I guess the good feeling I have together blinds me very much and I do not arrive to make a decision
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Indeed it is best to break up, for closure and to be sure that you are making the right decision, you should give him a clear ultimatum and express that this is not something you feel is healthy for you (or him). Say that if he feel this is something he can give up you would be willing to help him find a specialist.
If his reaction is not and you can not see a future together that will be your answer.
All the best with blessing to you both for a good life - together or not together.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 March 2011):
In my opinion, marrying him - or continuing to date him - is a losing proposition for you. As others have noted, its highly unlikely - in fact you can bet on it - that he's not going to change his behavior, and you'll end up thoroughly miserable.
Hard as it will be to break up with him, that's really your best bet........
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 March 2011):
In my opinion, marrying him - or continuing to date him - is a losing proposition for you. As others have noted, its highly unlikely - in fact you can bet on it - that he's not going to change his behavior, and you'll end up thoroughly miserable.
Hard as it will be to break up with him, that's really your best bet........
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): It sounds like you know exactly what you are getting into so it's just a matter of deciding if you want to marry a man who has sex with shemales. He's been truthful with you so don't go into the marriage being dishonest with him by expecting him to change his sexual proclivities.
It's alarming when you say you don't know if you can trust he'll stop b/c you will be entering a marriage with someone you want him to be and not who he is and that will cause misery to you both.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I don't think "is this normal?" is the question. I think the question is can you accept him for who he is. I think he'll try to change for you but I don't think he will be able to permanently change. If you can accept his sexual desires and appetites go for it. If you can't I think you should just tell him 'no more' and why.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): This sounds like a difficult situation that can only be solved by communicating with your partner. Are you positive he no longer is looking for someone with all the "qualifications" you mentioned? Do you think you can honestly live the rest of your life knowing, he may want/ need more than what you can give? The only way to solve this is by lots of communication to re assure yourself about his intentions and your feelings.
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