A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 7 month...he's the love of my life, and I want to spend my life with him. We've talked about Marriage, and moving in together.Eric is the best friend anyone could ever have, and its not in his character to ever-EVER cheat. He's been hurt in the past really bad, and so have I. He's a genuinly GREAT guy. My dillema, however, is...He went out of town for a week to see his family, and I was all alone and really bored, so he told me to call Brian(his best friend) and have him come over to hang out. I wasn't really up for the idea at first...but then I figured...what the heck, lets call him. So when he came over, I already knew something bad would happen, and so did he. He always flirts with me, and I kinda liked it. ( Is that wrong?) Well, we were watching a movie, and I had my feet in his lap (where they shouldn't have been in the first place,) and i felt he had a boner...I slightly rubbed my feet over his lap to verify my question...and he pounced on me. He started grinding back and fourth on me, and although I was a little freaked out, I wanted it. (Lord HELP ME!!) Then he said, " I knew it..." and I replied..."What"? and he said, "You know what..." While he continued to grind on me...then he started shaking really bad, and sweating, and so did I...then he was questioning whether we should do this...I said I don't know...(VERY confused) Then I excused myself to the bathroom, and when I came back we came to our senses and went our seperate ways, and I went to sleep in my room, and he was in the guestroom. Well, in my stupidity, I got up to go talk to him about what just happened, and I sat on the bed, and we talked a while about trust, friendship, Eric, me , him, his feelings for me(he had feelings???) and then we got really comfortable...and he kissed me. I knew when i was doing it that it was wrong, but I wanted him so bad, so I gave in. Then we had sex. I felt guilty afterwards, but also sympathetic toward Brian, because he has feelings for me, and was so lonely for so long. Well I took a shower and cleaned for like 4 hours, then layed down to take a nap, in my bed, and he was still at my house, but I didn't mind. He layed behind me and we cuddled and held hands while I slept...When I woke up I was happy to see him. Since that day, Eric came back, and after Brian and I talked about all this on the phone for hours...we all went out to dinner lastnight. I got a minute alone with Brian to ask him if he was okay, and he could barely look at me. He was scared, and looked like he was about to cry. This morning when I left Eric's house...I called Brian to make sure he was okay...he told me that he really isn't, and that he's fallen for me and got really jealous, and angry lastnight. I feel so bad, but at the same time...I'm worried that I am falling for him too. But I love my bofriend so much. What can I DO????
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Oh dear. I have to be honest. I really, really think you were just infatuated with Eric and that's it. Infatuation will eventually give way to love in a lot of cases, but sometimes it simply doesn't get beyond that and it dries up. This is why you cheated on Eric. You weren't at the love stage, yet. You possibly couldn't have loved Eric to do this to him. Love is self-control, restraint and remembering who you do love, when someone else tries to have sex with you. And remember, love doesn't exist beside deceit. The best thing to do. Tell Eric what happened and hope he forgives or go it on your own. I think you should do the latter...go solo. You are not ready for a commited love, you need to learn more about life, you need to learn life skills and mature. And what about Brian? He has learned something about himself, he doesn't like and he's learned something about you. He has learned that he and you are cheaters. It's likely he doesn't like himself very much right now. Don't you wonder if he's wondering about your faithfulness. Not a good solid base to start a relationship with him, on. There will be big 'trust' hurdles. Get out on your own and learn about empowering your life , becoming an more mature, person and using self-control, in all you do. When you don't use self-retraint and clear thought--other people who care you ..get hurt real bad. So accept you made a mistake, get out there and live a happy, genuinely quality life. And please hun, remember...sexual passion will not carry you through life. That only works if you keep the cycle of sleeping with new guys, to get that 'needy' feeling of infatuation. Find out what a true love is...don't look for ways to fill yourself up through cheating on bf's. Work on yourself and strive to be a happy person but be happy with yourself. Start setting goals and having dreams you can attain all on your own. From that comes accomplishment, from that come self-worth, from that comes the ability to make good choices in life, including all your future relationships. Good luck and take care
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): That is really mean to do to both guys. Next time you need to think about who you're hurting. Decide who you want more, and be with that person. But I would never tell Eric what you did. However, if you're going to be with his best friend, chances are their friendship will be over. Would you feel o.k. about ending thier friendship? If not, you need to talk to Brian & tell him that you like him too but you can't be the reason they are not friends anymore. Maybe you shouldn't be with either guy b/c if you're with either guy, there is going to be some consequence..
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A
male
reader, Guitarboy  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I agree with Ms. "Xx" about how you should handle this situation but, you're young - things like this are going to come up again in your life. Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson. Boredom is a dangerous place to be when you're alone, and you invite another guy - even your b/f's mate over to watch a movie. You should've just invited one of your girlfriends instead. Anytime you're attracted to your man's friend, or co-worker just know that it's okay to be attracted but the key to a good relationship is not acting on those feelings. I see attractive women all the time. They're everywhere, at bars, at restaurants, at the grocery store. I'm even attracted to my girlfriend's best friend, but that's all it is -- just an appreciation for someone who's beautiful and nice to look at. I would never take it further than that because I love the women I'm with and what we have is more important the potential for a fling or another pretty face. You have to be able to say "NO" to those temptations when they come calling. And if you're in a stable, loving, fulfilling relationship it's pretty easy to do. And if you're in a relationship that's lacking, then it's time to sit up and take notice of what's missing and fix it. The grass is rarely ever greener on the other side. But you're young, and that's what youth is all about. Just do the right now from not on. You'll be fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): well at least you know what you did was wrong. i think you and brian should just put this all behind you and if you cant then maybe you're just goin to have to tell eric and deal with the cosequences. if you do decide to tell eric, talk it over with brian and decide that no matter what the outcome he'll stick by you. if hes willing to do that then it shouldnt be a problem. good luck and i hope it all works out. sorry if i wasnt any help..im new =(
XxXxX
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