A
male
age
36-40,
*indful
writes:Last night my heart was broken. I found out the girl that I planned to marry and live happily ever after with, has fallen for some online with someone else and spends hours each day flirting with and getting emotionally close with him. I'm in shock, it's as though im in a bad dream i cant wake from. I cant even gather my thoughts. This woman was everything to me, and no guy will ever love her like I did. She played me, for 3 years! Made me truly believe she was going to be with me. All i'll get is lies and excuses like always. I need advice please
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Hi Mindful,
Hope you are feeling better....
I read your responses, sounds like you are controlling your feelings pretty well. Please, be strong, you will get past this, but right now you need answers, so hopefully the next post you will give us good news.
I hope you stay together, and hope your girlfriend can help you overcome this pain. Everything is possible if you both work together. You sound like an amazing man, very smart, kind, caring, and I wish you so much luck, and happiness. I truly hope your girlfriend realize what a great man she has.... Stay strong, and positive.
Please, let's us know how you are doing...
Best wishes...
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 you are on two dangerous trains of thought
1- you say that she is the love of your life.
NOPE. the love of your life would not do that. She fell for a guy online which is immature and stupid and unrealistic. There is no way to judge chemistry online.
2- you say that no one will love her like you did. This is a marty complex and a huge red flag of a clingy guy. Stop this behavior right now. Someone could very well love her as much as you but who cares. SHe will do the same to the next. Many people tire of their grass and want to look to the neighbors yard. Its very rarely a better yard over there and often is just spray painted dirt.
I know it feels like the end of the world but the best thing you can do for both your healing and hour confidence is to cut all contact and ties with her. I cought my ex cheating with text messages. I threw him out of my house and never looked back. His fling fell apart extremely fast and he looks like a fool now but I could care less. You have to be the one to walk away. It is awful at first but eventually you can hold your head up high that you are no one's doormat. I hope you can heal soon. My best to you
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A
male
reader, Mindful +, writes (24 September 2011):
Mindful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl - You made me a bit teary-eyed! I agree with everything you wrote. I'll do my best!
Other religious guy - That was a heat of the moment thing, literally hours after finding out. Surely you can understand that. :) Thanks for your advice though.
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A
male
reader, Mindful +, writes (24 September 2011):
Mindful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, i've read all your responses and they ring true. You may be strangers, but you're helping to keep my chin up. Mimi - I totally agree with you. Karma will come back to bite her and when it does, I wont be around to pick up the pieces. Chickpea - Im really sorry to hear you never got those answers, i really hope i get mine. Take care of yourself. The guy was an idiot to do that to you, you sound lovely. Grym - I wish i knew what to say pal. Just hang in there. Thank you for your advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): To say no one will love her like you means you're the greatest thing or man she will ever meet. Not the right perspective. Yes you may have been extraordinary but many others billions share those same qualities n characteristics. Based on that comment alone she should leave you instead. Be grateful you didn't find this out after marrying and spending 30 years with her. Take what remnant of your heart that are shattered in pieces and move on. Thank God that he brought this to light for u so soon. FYI its a hugh deduction in points to make yourself out to be the greatest gift to any woman. Only she can compare and judge that, not you. And would you really want woman comparing u to their exs. I think she deserves better than someone like u who speaks such evil in her future that no one will love her as you did. Just simply move on without the destructive comments, sometimes things don't work out for a greater reason. My advice: focus on u, continue to be kind hearted and always have discernment. Best wish in for ur healing process.
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A
male
reader, Mindful +, writes (24 September 2011):
Mindful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just never thought it would happen to me, you know? You spend years thinking "I'm one of the lucky ones", and they tell you the feeling is mutual, only to find out that they're just like all the rest. The hardest part is not knowing if you'll ever find someone that (seemingly) perfect for you again. There are other women who want to date me, sure, and i'm not alone, no.. but it wont make it easier. I already suffer from anxiety and depression, so this is just what I needed! Ugh.. I feel so sick.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (24 September 2011):
Hi,
I was in a 10 years relationship with the man I love, respect, and more importantly trust with all my life, and soul. To me he was not just boyfriend, but i consider him my best friend. Just found out a year ago, until this day he never admit, gave me a proper apologie, any explanation.
Its hard to move without any closure. But, I guess is part of life?
I know exactly how you feel. My first reaction was shock!! My hands couldn't stop shaking. I felt my whole world felt apart. It's shock, anger, felt betrayal, pain, hurt, embarrassment, disrespected. I just couldnt believe that was happening to me, either. Just like you said, felt like I was living a nightmare... Until this day, after a year I can't believe or understand.
What's more hurtful is the lie.. How can a person you've know for so many years lie to your face without feeling any guilt or remorse? It's so cruel... Right now, you feel overwhelmed, and I am sure you can't think straight. Try to make yourself calm down, and you need go talk to her. For personal experience, if you want your answers, you need to talk with her in a calm matter, without being angry, or pressuring her. I know it's impossible, but you need to control yourself to get your answers. Believe me, you need answers!!! That's all I want, it's very important to know everything you want to know, otherwise will make you more crazy.
Unfortunately my partner didn't give me the answers I needed, but hopefully your girlfriend will be a better person that my ex, have some compassion, and give you proper closure. Whatever you decide in the future, rather stay or not, you need answers in order to move forward.
We know your girlfriend is cheating on you emotionally, but how about physically? How much do you know? Are they just flirting online, or do they know each other in person? How serious are they? Etc...
Just know that if you decide to forgive your girlfriend, there's no shame... People make mistakes all the time, and takes a lot more to forgive... Shows you are not only generous person, but shows your strength. Hope you feel better, know that you are not alone. Be strong....
Keep us post
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 It is a devastating situation, we know. Most of us if not all of us experience heartache in our lives, some worse than others. People are being cheated on, fooled, tricked for years. And yes, it hurts like shit. But you aren't alone in feeling such pain, if that is of any comfort. There are many of us who go though the same, experience that the one person we trusted with our lives, or even worse, we trusted with our hope and our heart, has thrown us under the bus, cheated, and walked all over us.
You need to deal with this like we deal with other traumatic experiences. Remove ourselves from what is causing pain, and take one day at a time to heal. It will hurt like this for a long time. And it is hard to believe, but you can heal and find love again. It will be difficult, and you don't have to even think about that right now. Right now all you must focus on is to remove yourself from your girlfriend (ex girlfriend I hope), delete her phone number, delete her from facebook or other online places, delete her e-mail, cut all communication, throw away or lock away things that remind you of her, pictures, items.
There's no other words of comfort to give you. You wish it wasn't true, and I wish people never cheated either. They are selfish people who do not understand the hurt the cause others. It is truly a terrible thing to do, and oddly enough such a painful thing to do to another isn't even illegal. I wish I could tell you that it was a mistake, and that the world is full of genuine and loving people who are honest, and devoted to their partner. But it's not true. There are genuine people out there, but then there are also cheaters, liars, con-men, users and abusers of good trust and love.
I hope you find any comfort in knowing that you are not alone in experiencing such a horrible thing, and in knowing that you will survive and get through it as long as you take one day at a time.
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A
female
reader, mimisoph3 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 She is definitely not the girl you should marry, if she spends hours and hours online talking to a guy that she maybe doesnt even know who he is..its horrific,i believe that the best thing you need to do is move on. if for those three years she didnt realize and see how much she loves you,then she never will. Karma will bite her in the ass because sooner or later she'll either meet the guy or find out that the guy was never into her,and she'll feel lonely and come back to u,i do pray u dont go back to her.good luck and like i said IF YOU WERENT ON HER MIND WHEN SHE WAS ONLINE WITH HIM,IT MEANS YOU ARENT ON HER MIND PERIOD.
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