A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, I have been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 amazing kids. In the past, I believe he has cheated on me several times, I could never get over it then though he hadn't admitted to it. I know in my heart he has, I had reliable sources. Anyway, I decided to forgive and forget. But I still couldn't let it go, so I felt that I had to get revenge on him and so I done the same thing. I know 2 wrongs don't make A right but at the time I was willing to do whatever it took to help me get over the fact he had done this to me. Of course it did not help. That was 4 years ago and I still want to punch him everytime I look at him. It still haunts me and I feel it's getting in the way of our relationship. I don't feel like we connect at all, we never have sex, of course he wants to but i am barely ever interested in doing anything with or to him, when I do I just want to get it over with. I feel like I do love him, but at the same time I don't. I need help, how do I know if we are meant to be or not, am I just staying for the kids? I really have mixed feelings, I am so unhappy all the time and can never figure out why. If anyone has any insight on this situation I'd really love to hear it.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 You cheated in hopes to even out the plain field, but it failed to give you a sense of peace. You stayed in the marriage for four years, yet you still hate him for his infidelity. 4 years is a long time to be unhappy and angry. It could be that you simply need him to admit the truth, but I suspect you're a woman who simply cannot forgive or forget infidelity. Do you honestly want to feel like this for another year or four? Maybe you need to admit to yourself that you cannot get past this and file for divorce, unless you really feel like investing your time and effort into marriage counseling.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Sounds like your home must be a veritable den of lovey-dovey!!!!!
IF you two have - or WANT TO HAVE - any chance of continuing in this so-called marriage I think you have to TALK to one-another.... put on the table those "cards" that you exposed herein.... and decide that you two aren't going to make it without some serious adjustments.
IF you (two) want to try, I suggest you seek out marriage counselling..... If you won't both do that, then I think the prospects for this marriage going in to the future are pretty dim....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (24 September 2011):
 There is possibility that he feels remorse over what he had done. To forgive him you need to allow him the space, the second chance. Not knowing the truth you may think it can protect you from the hurt but it hurts just as much not knowing, thinking that he could just get away.
You can tell him you have such wish to be able to communicate about everything but since he cheated you closed up your heart, you shielded yourself and all you want is a sorry and how much he really loves you. His reaction will tell you if he loves you. If instead he is saying you are the one with the problem because you don't trust him, then don't talk to him again for a few days. He should not get defensive, he should be there with you step by step towards healing.
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