A
male
age
30-35,
*ight_switch
writes:ok so. i got this on again off again relationship for about the last couple years. shes 20 im 23. seems every time we have a drink together we end up in the sack together. shes always telling me im the sweetest guy she knows. and stuff like that. i really like this girl. and i know if we got into a real relationship i could see it going far. but seems like ever since she turned 18 she's just been looking to have fun. wich is fine with me. i like this girl enough to wait. our last hookup we where both drinking with her mom to try and forget about her moms current divorce. we agains wound up together. next day she calls it off. i didnt see her again for about 3 months. till this morning. when she called me. she's pregnant with someone else's kid. the father of the baby in her belly is a "dead beat dad" so she says. now she wants to be in a relationship for me. i cant help but feel she's been keeping me on the back burner while she goes and frolics about until she's ready for a serious relationship. i was fine with it until the baby daddy thing. i dont want kids. i dont like kids. i know the type of father id be. and i dont like it. my own parents kicked me out of the house at 14 after i got into some legal trouble. i dont wanna be like them. i told her no. gave her my reasons. now im stuck feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. i could never ask her to abort. nor could i ever bring myself to be there with her helping with a child that isnt mine. i know i show sign's of cowardice but i feel wronged and at the same time i feel im wronging. what do i do? do i get with her? even tho she went out to be her own woman and came back with someone else's kid. or do i tell her the truth? that i cant be with her and fix everything for her again. (oh btw i say again because ive talked her mom out of kicking her out, got her out of trouble numerous times. basic situations like that) please help!
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (31 May 2013):
Coward? Are you kidding me? I think you spelling "smart" wrong.
You are in your early 20s and have your whole life ahead of you. Dont waste it raising another mans kid. She was the one who thought itd be a great idea to get pregnant by some loser. Her bed, let her lie in it.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (31 May 2013):
you sound like a caring and very reasonable person. to be honest you have been good to this girl, you talked her mom out of kicking her out and you have been there for her, not using her but really been there for her. its sad that she got pregnant from someone who shes not with now, but you have done your bit for her and more.
good luck in your life x
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (30 May 2013):
Dear OP,
Your friend is responsible for her own life and her pregnancy. She can choose whether or not she wants the baby and there's no reason why you need to help her with this problem.
YOU did not get her pregnant and you weren't asked if you want a kid - or a relationship. To ask you to get together now just sounds like she's desperate and that's no good reason for starting a relationship.
You are not a coward. You just finally stand up for yourself and don't carry someone else's load anymore. You've proved that you are a really good friend to her but that's just too much to ask from anyone! You got her out of trouble a couple of times, that doesn't mean you have to be a daddy now. Really. No one in their right mind would do that.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 May 2013):
She made her bed and now she gets to sleep in it. Don't feel guilty, your reasons are very sound.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): "seems every time we have a drink together we end up in the sack together."
"what do i do?"
Don't go out drinking with her. Problem solved.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 You are right to take a decision that is what best for you and her. It would be unfair to take responsibility for a kid that is not yours and the fact that you never wanted a kid. You did all of yourll a favour. Just dont shacking up with her again, as its seems she is not taking precaution and you just may end up with an unwanted kid of your own.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (30 May 2013):
 She sounds very immature and flakey. I don't think you are doing anything wrong. She was promiscuous, kept you on the back burner and because she knows you're there for her, she came running to you when she got pregnant with someone else's kid.
Since you feel so strongly about not having or wanting children, I think it would be wrong of you to try to make a relationship with this woman work, it would only end up hurting you and the child. She needs to grow up and the "dead beat dad" may or may not be in the picture when he finds out about the baby, so that's more drama to deal with if you choose to pursue a relationship with her.
She needs to learn that you can't bail her out everytime she is in trouble. She needs to get a good head on her shoulders and deal with where her actions have lead her. Is she going to keep the baby? Is she considering adoption (I personally don't believe in abortion) but is she considering abortion as an option? Do you know?
You aren't doing anything wrong. You have no responsibility to this woman at all. She needs to deal with her own problems and leave you out of them. You aren't doing anything wrong by not getting with her.
Good luck to you!!!!
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