A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm really starting to develop feelings for this man I work with. We talk during the week and on the weekend but I am giving him mixed signals not on purpose I have been stressed it's been three months since my engagement was broken off I could not deal with my ex even though I love him his lifestyle was too much for me though as soon as that was broken off I felt like a weight has been lifted and I felt happier but still stressed. Any how two months ago this man at work I've known for 4 years now offered me to come and have a drink with him not to get drunk but just a drink and talk, no sex. Since then we've been hanging out every weekend our conversation is growing we talk (politics, non-possessive love, happiness, kids, life as a whole, etc..) and he asked me last time if I had feelings for him and if I thought about him I would have been able to answer both questions but I wasn't ready to tell him at first I said no then he said "tell me the truth", so I told him that I do think about him and I do have feelings. Now when I go visit him he asks me to help him out with cleaning up putting things away and he drives me around be cause I have no car. He wants to introduce me to his child but I am showing him I am not ready to meet his child, until I am ready and I know he sees that. Two weeks ago it was a long weekend and when he dropped me off he asked me what I was doing after going to a play.Any ways what is a good way to tell him I have gotten feelings for him while at work (where no body else knows), and ask him if he would like to spend a weekend together this weekend?I need to make this better and explain to him
View related questions:
at work, drunk, I work with, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): I'm a bit confused here OP, you already admitted those things to him when he asked.
OP this reeks of rebound. I mean I can smell the rebound from all the way over here in Ireland.
One month after you break up with a fiancé of how ever many years and you jump straight into building a new relationship with this guy?
Very, very soon, very messy too, how can you be sure of any of your feelings this soon out of a relationship OP?
OP I don't get what you think you need to make better and what you need to explain. Do you honestly even know yourself what it is you want here other than to spend a weekend away? Are you ready to get head long into another serious relationship only 3 months after ending your last and with only 4 weeks of being single before he pounced?
You may feel you are OP, but your gut is telling you to be cautious, you refused to meet his kid with good reason OP, things are progressing quite fast here for woman only barely out of a very serious relationship.
OP by all means if you want to spend a weekend together go for it. But as far as feelings go be very careful. I've been on the rebound, you get false feelings you firmly believe are real for anyone who pays you time and attention for at least the first few months after such a major break up. The only way you'll know whether you're rebounding or whether you really do like the guy is to take your time and wait and see.
It's possible you're not on rebound and this is real for you, but the chances are so very slim OP I'd put my house on you being on the rebound with this guy.
OP you honestly seem very confused here. When he is with you you're not sure, you're extra cautious something feels a bit off and when you're not with him you're very sure of him and you definitely like him. That's rebound all over OP.
Slow down about talk of feelings, tell him you need to take your time and see how things develop, tell him you need to make sure this isn't just a rebound and you can't force this only to realize nothing was real and it was just the after emotions of your last relationship.
Honestly OP, this must be your first rebound because otherwise you wouldn't even need to be here and ask us any of this. Because when you're free, single and ready for a relationship none of this stuff is confusing.
Be careful with his heart here OP, you work with the guy. He doesn't deserve to have a woman who is only half sure of him or is only sure of him when she's alone and not in the company of a man. He deserves you being 100% sure this is real for you. because if you jump into this when you're not ready only to realize that you don't actually feel anything, that it was only part of your need for male company, affection and emotions after the loss of those from your last guy, then you're going to make working there very difficult and you will basically have used this guy to fill an emotional hole.
|
