A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a little embarrassing to talk about. Well, my roommate and I had started experimenting with each other earlier in the year, and now we do quite a bit of stuff on more of a regular basis. Anyway, recently while we were messing around, I kind of ended up kissing him. I'm not sure what came over me. I just did it. Well, my roommate's response wasn't well received. He told me that he is all for "helping each other out" any day, but he's not interested in guys like that. He understands that I am bisexual as I know him to be straight. I told him I just sort of got caught up in the moment. He was pretty forgiving about the whole thing.The problem I have now, is that I just don't feel comfortable when we mess around like we usually do. Nothing's changed, and I just have this sinking feeling every time. I mean want to do it, but I just don't feel right. It's hard to explain. Any advice? I'm sorry if this isn't really a good thing to be talking about here.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 kissing is about an emotional connection. that is what he didn't want.
the behaviour you two have is bisexual BUT, that doesn't mean it has to be personal.
the reason you feel bad is as old as time.
one person has real emotions while the other person views it as pure sexual activity with nothing added. the sinking feeling is of being unloved while having sex with someone, and if you feel this way its best to stop.
and move on
A
male
reader, crazybeast +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Maybe you have feelings for him? kissing has definitely changed things. Maybe he is only comfortable with the set amount of things to happens and kissing crossed the line.
The way I read this you too are still doing things together? So it obviously hasnt phased him that badly to stop things.
If your happy enough as it is then do what ever you feel but if you wanted too, say, make something happen then I would stop and gage his reaction if he seems upset then he obviously misses being with you which could probobly lead to something.
If he is in denial as some people are saying then I would also stop anything also because it is not anything healthy to do for the both of you, him because it would only feed his closetted tendencies and you because you may feel more for this guy and really it's nit near what you think it is.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2011):
 in the movie pretty woman Julia Roberts plays a hooker... she will do ANYTHING with her "john" (Richard Gere) BUT kiss him.... it's an important plot line in the movie....
kissing is way more intimate than anything else... when I was in the open lifestyle I would have sex with others but NOT kiss them...
but your roommate is seriously in denial if he thinks that having regular sexual release with another man is just "helping a brother out"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Sounds like he is in denial. Honestly if you aren't sure, pull back from anything sexual.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Straight guys don't experiment with other guys. There's no helping a brother out in the sexual department. Plain and simple.
Your roommate is seriously in denial about his sexuality, or really confused. It's sort of expected, because at 18-21 you're still trying to figure out exactly who you are.
I would stop messing around with your roommate. Regardless of the gender, it's never a good idea to start something sexual, romantic with your roommate. For the simple fact if things turn sour or awkward, you're still stuck seeing them on a daily basis until someone moves out. This experimenting is sending the wrong message to you. That your roommate happens to be gay, or bi and wants a relationship with you. Which really isn't the case.
So tell him there will be no more experimenting, because it's too confusing. Then proceed to find a relationship, fling with whatever gender you prefer at the moment outside of your apartment.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (12 November 2011):
 he's in a little bit of denial here. he might think it's "gay" to kiss, but not to f*** a hole, but if it was just about physically using each other, he could just masturbate. I would stop messing around with him because sounds like you don't want to be a piece of meat to him and you're not just invested in the physical. you want it, but you want it to mean something, and you know it won't for him. you likely can't get him to change his mind, so it's best to find someone else who isn't so scared to own up to what he's doing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): Well, we've been on mutual level where he does me while I did him. We recently stepped in oral boundaries as well. We also tended to watch some female porn. That was actually how we started masturbating openly in the same room together.
Masturbating was something we could relate to, and we decided that we could share the experience together. We sort of opened up more as we learned we could help each other out. That was the point of it from then on, and when it started to happen more frequently.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (12 November 2011):
You're question is perfectly acceptable here. :-)
You feel uncomfortable because the kiss *did* change things. Whether you are ready to admit it or not you began to feel something more for him than just a roommate with benefits relationship over the course of time you two became more and more intimate. He either does not feel the same way towards you, or he is struggling with his sexuality and identifies as straight and the kiss crossed the line for him from a sexual relationship, to something romantic/intimate which he is uncomfortable having between himself and another man.
You feel uncomfortable because he essentially rejected the idea of a romantic relationship with you. Something like a simple kiss was rejected, and yet you two have been and continue to have far more sexual intimate relations with one another.
You feel uncomfortable because it is natural to feel this way after being rejected by someone who wants to continue a sexual relationship, but doesn't want the whole relationship package.
The best thing you can do is have a calm, rational, and non-confrontational discussion with him. You need to explain that while you were fine with your initial FWB/roommates helping one another out sort of arrangement...you feel you are becoming too attached. Explain that you feel it would be best if you put your arraingement on hold while you sort yourself out. Explain it isn't fair to either one of you to continue knowing that he will never be able to feel the same way towards you as you could feel about him if you continue fool around.
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