A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had a boyfriend for 16 months and it had a rocky start (never having had "i love you" from parents, grandparents, siblings or past boyfriend). His ex-boyfriend from 2 years ago has non-stop been a real pain in the @$$. Constantly texting rude comments (we even changed phone numbers again and he got them from someone!), have had numerous police interventions because of stalking and it still doesn't stop. His father is a local sheriff and it always finds a way of getting swept under the rug. We went to news media and they refuse to run the story because of the father and his influence in the town. It is seriously affecting us to a point of me wanting to pull my hair out. The stress it has placed on both of us has negatively affected our relationship. The sexual side has really slowed down to once every 2 to 3 weeks, if that. I try to start things he just rolls over and goes to sleep. I want this relationship to work. We have seen counselors to help avoid other issues and we discussed these issues but no resolution. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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his ex, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to each of you for your advice. It is greatly appreciated!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): Go the police
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 November 2011):
Your boyfriend should document every time he calls/texts whatever it may be--he needs to make clear in his phone calls/texts that he does not want him to contact him anymore and to leave him alone.
Unfortunately, I don't think you can even get a restraining order on someone unless they've already tried to harm you (probably depends on the state); and his dad being a sheriff doesn't help at all. But I think if your bf can build up enough evidence against his harassment, then he should be able to do something legally eventually.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 Can't he block his ex's number? He does not have to open text messages. How serious is the stalking? What is the lawful definition of stalking? Unless there was past physical abuse, emotional harrassment it could be difficult to stop a person from entering a premise. Have you sought help from lawyers?
Your boyfriend needs to focus on healing. There are two things you should focus on, and not sex. He has to move on from his ex, he has to heal from childhood issues. When you are in love with somebody, pain issues arise not because you are in his life to bring him pain, but you become a mirror to him, you remind him that he has issues to work on, before he becomes a whole person to love you. It's like peeling layers of an onion until you have no resentment, hatred left. For right now you have to let go of the idea that regular sex means love. What he needs is time and space for him to heal from the drama, so that he comes out of the situation more loving, and not just feeling okay, dealing with you and feeling obligation to stay with you. Your resolution is to stick by him and tell him you are there for him whenever he needs to talk.
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