A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:The guy I'm seeing is always getting mad at me? We have an odd relationship, we say we love each other all the time. He says he's not ready to date (we've been in a like-dating stage for 3 years). I have fallen in love with him. But I feel like I'm always worried he will leave me and find someone else, or that he's going to hook up with other girls (he has before many times -he's a major party guy and cares a lot about his look - he never rarely brings me out with him and we only seem to hang out after he's done partying). He's not comfortable with me being with anyone else. I've had a couple guys friends that like to flirt with me but know I am not at all interested in them and that I'm with someone, but he gets worried and gets me to stop talking to them. I went through a really tough event (sexual assault) and he was the perfect man and always there for me. I was being stalked and threatened which caused me to lie to my guy (in my head I thought it was safer for him, and I felt safer with him around more often). (The guy threatened my guy, and I covered it up). I messed up big with it and he found out. Since then he seems to never trust me (a year and bit later). Things seem to be normal and then randomly he will get super angry with me thinking I'm talking to another guy (which isn't something I have done before). And he will call be a whore and liar and bitch and a number of things. He gets mad at me when I post pictures he doesn't like (but likes when other girls do (like summer bikini pics)). I get emotionally exhausted and I don't know what to do, I love this man more than I could ever imagine and I don't know how to move forward. I know this is my fault and is there any way I can earn trust back.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AllyJ  +, writes (31 October 2017):
Hello my friend. Much love to you.
You are dealing with a narcissist and all that comes with it.
I URGE you....URGE you to go onto YouTube and look up Angie Atkinson who has dozens of posts about narcissistic abuse, how to spot it, how to survive it - how it works. Hopefully, understanding what is going on with help you overcome and move on.
Get informed with what you are dealing with. You need to get out and you need to overcome this, which you can.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 October 2017):
 "The guy I'm seeing is always getting mad at me" - RED FLAG"He says he's not ready to date" - RED FLAG"we've been in a like-dating stage for 3 years" - RED FLAGOP, "like-dating" is BS. He's using you as his go to girl, whilst still seeing others and not committing to you.He's making you dependent on him. He's manipulating you and you're falling for it. You're not in love, OP. This isn't love and it's toxic. Please break up with him. "he will call be a whore and liar and bitch and a number of things. He gets mad at me when I post pictures he doesn't like (but likes when other girls do (like summer bikini pics)" - RED FLAG.... ABUSIVE!This isn't love at all. You really need to leave before he becomes physical. You will never be happy or safe with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2017): I meant to say:
"My saddest guess is that you don't; or they might be more protective of you!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2017): Please get yourself out of this situation! It is unhealthy for you in so many ways; and on so many different levels. You are very young, and if you aren't being counseled or receiving therapy after sexual-assault; you may be getting yourself into an unsafe pattern of behavior with the wrong guys.
Please tell us if you have been to, or are receiving, counseling for the trauma caused by abuse and sexual-assault!
This guy is displaying the traits of a guy who could potentially become a stalker, or has serious anger-issues. That could lead to physical-violence and abuse. He has already resorted to name-calling and verbal-abuse. That is a sign that you must get-out!
Nothing is more futile than trying to advise a young-woman infatuated with a guy who's bad for her. She will not hear or accept any advice suggesting that she should leave him. That's why they proclaim the phrase "but I love him." To deflect advice suggesting she should leave. Thinking her love will change him. That is sometimes the only purpose for asking for advice; to figure-out how, or find a miracle-cure to change him. Too much is at stake here. Your safety and emotional well-being!!!
I hope the aunts will convince you how unsafe and unhealthy this relationship has now become. It will get progressively worse; once he has established he has control over you emotionally and psychologically. You seek safety, comfort, and security in boyfriends; which is the worse habit a young lady can ascribe to.
I even speculate he's a few years older as well? His ability to manipulate is superior to someone within your own age-group. He shows early signs of a developing-narcissist. Feeding on our weakness, and keeping you spellbound by telling you he loves you. Then gutting you when you fail to be obedient and submissive to his will. He's not being your savior or protector. He thinks he owns you!
If he doesn't trust you after all this time. He never will. He simply feels you're his property. He was only nice to you for the purpose of gaining your trust and dependency. He knew you were vulnerable, and he learned how to exploit it.
He's holding you emotional-hostage; but hasn't even officially asked you to be his girlfriend!!! He feels you owe him your allegiance and loyalty like a slave!
Please get counseling and speak to your parents; if you need further comfort, protection, and support. How do they feel about this young man?
Do you even have a good relationship and respect for your parents? My saddest guest is that you don't; or they might be more protective of you! Perhaps through rebellion, you have distanced yourself from them; in order to keep him.
If you can't bring yourself to get-out; you need professional-counseling and intervention.
You are not at fault for any of this. It just may be symptomatic of what you've been through at such a very young and vulnerable age. He preys on your vulnerabilities.
You are 18, and this usually creates much concern for me. Once a woman is that age and beyond; she no longer cares to listen to the advice of her parents. If the ladies here can persuade you to consider getting help. I pray they can at least get you to consider leaving this young man.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 October 2017):
 Firstly, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Secondly, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
And lastly, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
The only thing you have done wrong is to allow this guy to treat you like a doormat, a plan B.
He is using you while offering you very little in return. He is not prepared to even commit to a relationship, let alone anything else, yet he will not let you move on and find someone else.
This is an abusive relationship. You should NEVER need to tolerate someone calling you names like that.
Wake up and open your eyes to how badly he is treating you. Your problem is that you do not believe you deserve better. Why is that? You need to work on your self esteem, then you will see this guy is no good for you.
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