A
female
 ,
*ackie69
writes:I have a dilemma.... I have been talking to my ex throughout my new relationship.I am 27 and I met my current bf in sept last year.Do I tell my bf that I met up with my ex even if was last January ?That we kissed and he been trying to get me bk since? Or should I not say?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 September 2013):
Hi there. No-one ever goes through life and have nothing at all go wrong for them.
It just DOES NOT happen.
In an ideal world, yes.
Real life isn't an ideal world.
So your ex left when times for you got tough, you had financial problems and you lost your business, and then you naturally felt depressed over that.
And he couldn't take you being emotional.
So he was okay when things were going well, but got out when the going got a little tough, and it was no longer smooth flowing.
This on it's own says something about his character, doesn't it?
You say your current boyfriend supports you and has never left you.
By the way, are you working now, or are you still looking for work?
I noticed in your earlier response to people's comments here, that you said your current boyfriend is being a bit controlling at the moment.
I'll tell you why this is.
It is clear to me, that now he is aware you have been in contact with your ex, that your current beau is feeling a little insecure, and this is why he is coming across as a bit controlling.
What is behind this seemingly controlling behaviour of his, is that he has a fear he might lose you - to your ex.
And this would be a normal reaction of knowing this, and especially, if up until he found out about it, he thought things were cruising along pretty well.
So I have no doubt whatsoever, that he has a REAL fear, that he could lose you.
Just by the simple fact you have been speaking to your ex for most of the time you have known your current boyfriend.
I am not at all surprised.
In fact, any man who was in a relationship for 1 year and happy, and then suddenly finds out his new girlfriend is still talking to her ex - WOULD be very worried, as to what was going to happen next!
It isn't any wonder at all.
He probably feels rather THREATENED, like an endangered species, I would think.
And in a way, he probably is - just because he knows about you still talking to your ex, behind his back.
Who WOULDN'T be?
A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (29 September 2013):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi dd,
My ex split from me- I had financial troubles and I got quite depressed and he left when I lost my business and cus I looked at a job away. I never went away because didn't want to leave area. He said I was a shit who would leave go work etc but I never did!
Now he seems to realise I'm not such a bad penny.
All I ever really did was love him,.
Now my current bf has never left me n supported me when ex had vanished, I tried to get my ex bk b went it c him close to when we split n he rejected me. He has never once tried to come c me and make amends.
Think I know who is really the best guy dont I!?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (29 September 2013):
Hi. You need to scroll down and read my first posting - right near the bottom - first, as I don't think you have done this up till now.
There are quite a few answers from various people here, which you really need to read, before deciding what you need to do.
Well that's something, I guess - that you haven't cheated on your new boyfriend, with your ex.
As you are in regular contact with your ex, well then it's just a matter of time before it becomes more than just chatting, don't you think?
And so you are seriously playing with fate here.
And putting yourself in a place of temptation.
And I think you already realize this for yourself.
No-one can tell you what you must do, because this is your life. And therefore, your decision to make - and ONLY yours.
It really comes down to who you want to be with.
Your current boyfriend is a 1 year relationship.
The fact that you have been speaking to your ex all this time, says something about that, don't you think?
The other important thing to consider here, is what was the reason you broke up with your ex?
Was it something that could be fixed?
Or was it something much more serious?
And who broke up with who?
If you believe in your heart that it could really work well with your ex again, well then think about it and talk to him about it - and see what he thinks.
You both need to be on the same page.
It's no use if only one of you wants to give it another try.
And also, your current boyfriend needs to be given a fair chance of happiness as well.
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (28 September 2013):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHave not cheated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): Your cheating is catching up with you and you'll probably end up without either guy.
You held out for your ex to come back, and now decided you're ready to ditch the guy you took in on the rebound. He's not letting you dump him so easy after playing him like a fool.
You're playing two guys against each other, and it's caving in on you.
I believe he will let you go realizing you've been cheating on him, and want your ex back. I also believe your ex is just in it for the sex, and will dump you again eventually. I don't believe there is anything healthy going on here; because of the nature of your relationship to either guy.
They'll both realize how flaky you are and move on to other women.
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A
female
reader, jackie69 +, writes (28 September 2013):
jackie69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told my bf he's been texting me and trying to get me back.His answer was he's not letting me go even if I want my ex which I don't know if I do, because he may not be the same as he was but my current beau is being very controlling. I am in limbo land :(Feel terrible
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): Stop wasting your boyfriend's time. Break up with him and focus on healing and moving beyond the breakup with your ex.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 September 2013):
Hi there. It sounds to me like there is still some unfinished business with your ex.
Because, if there wasn't, there would be no reason to be in contact would there?
And it doesn't really matter who first contacted who, but that you are in contact with your ex at all.
And all this time, and then the kiss.
It is possible, that your new relationship started too soon after the breakup with your last boyfriend.
A rebound, perhaps.
There is no point in telling your current boyfriend, until you know what you really want to do.
And it is unfair to him, because he trusts you, to go on speaking to your ex like this.
It sounds like it is time for a bit of soul searching.
And until you know what you want to do, well then you re going NOWHERE with either relationship.
In fact, everyone's time is being wasted - including YOURS.
You are not being completely present in either relationship, are you?
You need to make some decisions, and you need to make them soon.
I think you are going to have to meet up with this ex of yours, for a heart to heart chat.
Talking about what he wants, and about what you want - as well as both of your expectations.
And depending on what was the cause of the breakup in the first place, whether it is possible that a reconcilation could happen.
Because if the cause of the breakup wasn't resolved, - or COULDN'T be resolved - well then it will continue to be a problem if you ever got back together.
And so this is something you need to consider, before taking any action.
And if you are still thinking about your ex, well then what does that say about your current relationship?
It seems to point towards, something it doesn't have that the other relationship did.
Something missing in the new relationship.
Food for thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): You are holding out for your ex, and using your boyfriend as backup. It doesn't matter whether you tell him or not; your heart is with your ex. You're with your boyfriend only in the event your ex doesn't take you back.
Do what your conscience tells you to do. If you love your boyfriend, you'd cut off all contact completely with your ex.
Bet you're not going to do that. You're being dishonest to both of them, and yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): well, i can tell you this. you dont have to tell your boyfriend anything. you need to be honest with yourself.
if you still love your ex, end with this new guy and thats all. you dont have to make a drama when you have the answer. respect the new guy feelings.
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