A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met some one over 7 years ago. We have had a loving relationship during that time, we live apart. He prefers staying single. I now find that he is going out and is part of a local swingers club with another woman, he is dating other women, and constantly surfing for porn etc, ithis finally pulling my heart apart. I cant deal with it, I told him this. His answer is that he loves me but I either accept it or go. So here is the question what do I do with my heart when I find that courage. It will hurt big time to turn of the phones, leave emails unanswered, to read his angry comments etc because I finally have thrown in the towel What do I do with my broken heart I almost 55 and I should have known better. How do I recover?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying, I never resolved my problem, but I did take up a new hobbie, to help me relax and forget.
I now have my motorcycle licence, it took 3 months and a lovely large maxi scooter, it takes me away and I relax and I know now that what ever happens if I get upset all I have to do is ride away and take time for myself. There are lots of other bikers I can talk to about anything but personal things so its a great way to simply forget. I know that some day I will be loved for myself in a 1 to 1 situation and if not.... perhaps its the other person that lost something special because Love you can only lose once. When its gone its gone.. and I am on my bike free and single.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 If you want to accept him , you will have to accept his philandering ways. It is either that or nothing.
If you cannot accept his gallivanting and philandering ways, there is no point in staying in that relationship.
He is just like a king and you are the queen and you close an eye to his nefarious activities as long as you can become his queen.
For a man , sex and love are two separate compartments. He loves you as his consort but he also loves sex , the kind that you cannot provide for him.
If you love him , you only own half of him and you just let the other half do whatever he likes.
That sums up your dilemma. Love him but close one eye.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate, well I still feel the same. I just dont understand this guy, I dont understand myself for even loving him and not really wanting to walk away. I have moaned, nagged, cried, begged (nah not really too darn proud for that). Ultimatums dont work so I guess here is where I need an input of a man. This guy says he loves me more than anything alive. He would do indeed anything for me, even putting up with intrusion into his sneaky private life. He is honest about money, in the town he lives, everyone takes it for granted that we are a couple and he carries me with respect and love as if I am a wife. Then comes the downside, he works away and he plays away with a regular local swinging partner. I heard them talk about me on the phone, he says sweet little things to my face, but to her he is very, as if he doesnot really want me in his life. As if I am a nuisance. So yes it makes me feel like a grain of sand, insignificant.So I say that I am leaving and he will chase me,call me, as soon as he realises that I mean it. Play hard to get and he is all over you. Once he feels safe- he is off scheming again. Literally within hours of being with him, he is arranging another date with this woman.I honestly think this is just about sex, not love. If I left him I expect some other woman will take my place very fast. So guys I need some input here. Men think different they seem to split love and sex. I would genuinely like to have advice of a male. Is this a situation that after 8 years I should just walk out of? He wont change that is the message he gives. Should I just walk out, turn that phone of. Inside me a girl is crying because she doesnot want her medicine. But I need to be cured I cant go on anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
If you stayed by the sounds of it sweetheart you would have had a broken heart anyway, My heart does go out to you but 55 is a number and you still have lots of love to give when your heart is not so fragile...
Its so hard to leave the one you love even when they turn out to be the person you didnt really no, Ive been there with my second husband. These were different circumstanses but the love I felt for him was over powering and to have to tell yourself that no matter how much you love this person, And to deal with what they may be and want to be is to much for you, This is another over powering emotion that will tear you appart. Its not in your control so you argue with yourself about the pros and cons, Not that I should have argued at all, But when you do love someone so much its there and you try to find the good points, But sometimes hunny it comes to a point that you no its going to make you very unhappy or very ill...
You have to be extremely strong and if I can do it I always say anyone can because at that point in my life I didnt feel strong at all, But I did it.
It wont be easy to not pick up the phone or have any kind of contact but every time you feel like doing that do something else, Find new activitiys go to the gym work out all that hurt.
That will make you feel alive..You do have friends? I hope so, Take the time to talk with your closest friends and start going out or invite them to you, Find an interest you can do at home so you wont be stuck looking for something to do and then your mind will wonder back to him love. The most important thing is to keep your confidence and self esteem if and I believe that always goes a little when this kind of break up happens, Dont hesitate to see a counsellor its better to find someone to talk with than sit at home talking to your self, Have faith in your abilitys as a strong confident woman who can get this painfull period in your life sorted one day and will be back to fight another day dont ever give up on you. If you need a chat at anytime hunny message me TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, Laura1318 +, writes (23 January 2008):
Give your broken heart to God and get a new heart from Him.Think of others first and forget self.Go join those church groups or charity organizations and forget about your own problems. Help others and you will find your inner peace and happiness.
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A
female
reader, goodlistener +, writes (23 January 2008):
To be honest there is no easy answer, but of what i can see you do deserve better. You feel like you cant move on because of your age, but hun there is better out there. If he isn't interested inn what makes you happy, then really this isn't a relationship. He seems to be helping him self to what suits him and him only. I am not saying it won't hurt when you leave him, but do you really want to be used as a door mat? I know it doesn't mean anything when people say time will heal your heart, but you will get there hun. My mum always said to me, you never know whats round the corner. It is true, even though you do not feel like you will ever get over it or find love again, let love in hun. You do deserve better.
I hope i helped in some way or another,
Wish you all the best luck
Tracy xx
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A
female
reader, Katie003  +, writes (23 January 2008):
Hunny I'm sorry to say but Heartbreak is something that virtually only time can heal.
I know this from experience because last year I really liked this guy who I thought was into me, however I think he changed his mind for some unknown reason so when I finally got the guts up to ask him how he felt he was ackward and said he thought we should just be friends. I was crushed because I liked this guy for almost a year and had devoted all my thought to him without being stalker-ish. Basically what I'm getting at is that when you let your heart get in front of your head when falling for a guy, you end up with a broken heart that only time will heal...
Its the nature of the game and it sucks.
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