A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!This isn't such a serious situation, just looking for some advice and guidance.I met a girl a few weeks ago, we exchanged numbers and she went back to her city 2 hours away. We chatted every day, she flirted a lot and we had a good connection, talking all day every day. Then one day she doesn't reply until 3am, says she just woke up and then the next day doesn't reply at all. now 5 days later she hasn't replied at all.At the time i thought probably she met someone else, was with them or was chatting to them and didn't chat to me until 3am, and then lost interest in talking to me due to them.This was more or less confirmed when finally today she updated her status saying her life has suddenly lit up (great for her) and posted photos of her with a guy on her instagram (which i dont follow but can see as she is in my contacts list).I am not really mad at her, i just feel a bit hurt as its not the first time this has happened to me.I want to message her and just see if i can ask her why, do you think that is fair?I'd just like to know why as this is a pattern for me, it has happened maybe 5 times in 3 years. Although it was only 2 weeks i had started to really like this girl and had no reason to suspect anything wasn't right, we got along so well. it just makes me feel lost and so unattractive.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (12 November 2018):
 I'm sorry, but you're getting bitter. Women don't owe you their attention.
You briefly spoke. Two weeks is nothing but, if you liked her, you should have asked her out. If you just keep talking and it's not really interesting her any more, then she will get bored. If you hadn't been on any dates, why should she tell you she's found someone else? You weren't dating and she may not have been aware you were into her, if you didn't express it.
Two hours apart is also not really practical. My former boyfriend and I were 2 hours apart for 3 years of him being in university. We dealt with it, but it was agony at times. We're just close friends for the foreseeable future now and we're 3¾ hours (public transport) apart - it's a nightmare. If we hadn't fallen in love when we did, it wouldn't be something I'd want to go through. Would I date someone more than an hour away in future? Hopefully not. Maybe she feels the same.
Date locally. If you feel you have a connection with someone, ask them out for a coffee within the first week or two - wait any longer than that and you'll probably lose any interest they have in you, just like most people experience if they do that.
OP, try not to take it personally. It's common. So, yes, it may be partly down to your behaviour or personality not being a good match, but it's also just common to talk to people you don't end up dating or staying with.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 November 2018):
 Perhaps she got bored of just chatting? If you had such a good connection, why did you not ask her out? Why did you not suggest meeting up half way between where you both live?
If this girl is looking for someone to date, she could have come to the conclusion all you wanted was friendship, which is fine if BOTH parties just want that.
You snooze, you lose. Next time take a chance and suggest meeting up. Chatting is all well and good but, at some point, you have to move forward.
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A
female
reader, CherryR07 +, writes (12 November 2018):
If you ask her why, you may come across as being needy and desperate. Next time you like a girl, and you think things are going well, ask them on a date. Perhaps she thought the 2 hour distance was too long for her? Perhaps she was just being friendly with you all along? There are a number of reasons. Bottom line is, she's with someone else now, so maybe you should move on too. And make sure you don't wait around when you realise you like someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2018): You've only known this lady for two weeks. You had a great conversation; but that leaves her no obligation to quickly reply to your every contact-attempt.
She's not your girlfriend; and no type of relationship has been established. You had a few nice conversations, and you happen to like her. That's where it stands. No more, no less!
You have seen she is interested in someone else; and she was friendly to you. You can't claim or expect anything more than that; because options are open on both-sides, and you don't deserve nor need any explanation. You weren't even dating!
I understand your feelings are hurt. Your ego is a little bruised, and she dashed your hopes. Don't let this get to you, nor those other incidents where the ladies choose someone else. The same options are open to you; and that's what you should do.
Sometimes you catch a butterfly; and sometimes they flutter out of reach, and getaway! There are still billions of butterflies left!
Don't take it personally, or harshly. Sometimes, there are angels around us; deflecting people away who would do us more harm than good.
Your destiny may be heading you in a certain direction; and sometimes certain people can't get in our way. Not until we reach a certain goal; or receive a certain blessing in our lives. You are being kept on-hold and in position; pending certain events to occur in your life, then someone meant for you will arrive. It takes patience.
Keep your eyes and ears open! It's just hasn't been the women you've met so far, and something else needs to occur first. I got blind-sided and dumped. I moved on. I've since met one of the best people I've ever known in my life, so far! I wasn't even looking, and love found me!
Maybe you need to mature more in your thinking, become more confident, or you may have an important calling not yet fulfilled. Meanwhile, keep dating.
You've got this! Just chill, brother!
It has no reflection on your looks or anything else. It is what it is! You're young, single, and free. Dust yourself off, and keep going!
There's an echo in the room! "Let it go!"
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 November 2018):
 It happens, we can’t be a good match for everyone we meet.
She wasn’t feeling it so phased out contact. Definitely DO NOT message her asking why. That will come off as creepy, just accept she wasn’t interested and move past it.
I’d say if you started to ‘really like’ this girl based off a brief encounter and two weeks of chatting then it’s very possible that you come on too strong and girls are finding that offputting. Maybe not and you just weren’t their cup of tea. We will never know, but we put those experiences behind us and move on.
The important thing here is that you’re putting yourself out there into the dating pool and dusting yourself off after a rejection. Just keep at it, don’t let it get you down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 November 2018):
 While I get that she could just have TOLD you that she met someone else, she really doesn't OWE you an explanation for talking to you, then not talking so much to you.
Someone living two hours away that you BRIEFLY met and then chatted with might just not have been serious about you. You were an "ego rub" and "entertainment".
Sure that doesn't feel nice at all, and again, I get that it's not very nice when someone can't just SAY I'm not interested but instead does this half-assed "I'm so busy" or just starts to ghost you. However, it's far from unusual. And I don't think it's YOU. I think it part of the "modern day dating rituals" - where people talk to more than one person at a time, until they decide who they want to go for.
If she had thought you were unattractive, she wouldn't have bothered talking to you at all. So pretty sure that isn't it.
Try again. Next don't pursue girls who live a couple of hours away and thus can't spend time with you in person that often.
And, SHE has every right to change her mind. If she is suck a "flitter-bug" that she in the span of less than 2 weeks talks and starts dating someone else... then she might be a bit on the flaky side, so NOT a great loss.
Just block, remove, delete and move on.
It was 2 weeks of talking, OP.
Let it go.
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