A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:UI think I know the answer to this, but I’m looking for someone to confirm that I’m doing the right thing.I’ve been in my current job for a year, and have sat right next to a man who is around my age. He’s not my normal type physically, but as we’ve got to know each other it turns out we get on really well and I’ve started to develop feelings for him. I assumed it was only on my side as he has been nothing but professional, and as I have always lived by the rule to not date co workers, I basically accepted that it was just going to be a crush that would eventually fizzle out. However, today he called me up and told me he really likes me too and he wants to take me on a date. He said he’s been weighing up whether or not to tell me for a while, but he decided to go for it because he thinks we could have something really good together.Now on one hand I’m really pleased. I’ve been single for almost 4 years and this is the first time I’ve felt any proper connection with anyone in that time. But on the other hand, we sit right next to each other every day! I’m scared we’ll not work out and it will make things awkward. Or conversely, it might actually work out but our new relationship will change the dynamic in the office (which is brilliant as it is) and/or change the way people treat us when they find out.However, now it’s out there I’m not sure if things will be awkward anyway if I turn him down? I’m going to speak to him about all of my concerns either way, but I want to be clear in my mind what I’m going to say before I do.My instinct is saying I should tell him I don’t think it’s a good idea because I don’t want to blow up either of our careers, but I’m scared I’ll regret it because I do really care for him. Basically I’m just really conflicted about what to do and would appreciate any advice you can offer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2018): Wow people seem so puritanical in their answers! If everyone abided by the "no dating a coworker rule" I guarantee about 30% of families I know of would never have been formed. I work at an office that has multiple married couples working in it and they met on the job.
I vote that you give this man a chance. If he is a decent man (and I don't know about you, but usually I can tell if a man is decent and good), even if things go wrong, you two could still remain respectful. If you sense that he is not a decent man then that is a different story, but it sounds like you know he is.
You have to weigh what is most important to YOU.
This could be the LOVE of your life knocking, and a great solid family man catch for you. You have a connection, and you both felt it. Would you let the mere fact that you two work together stand in that way?
In your shoes I would definitely say yes. But I know myself and I know that if things went wrong I'd be strong enough to carry on and hold my head high. Actually I do work with one of my exes and I find it 100% fine.
What is worse case scenario? The guy turns out to be a psychopath so the breakup is awful? And in such a scenario, would you have any options to perhaps move departments?
I would definitely consider how much I value my work and staying in that one particular job in the office, vs transferring to a different section or place.
But I think if things aren't going well after a couple of dates you will know and can end it on good terms. t's only a date or two. Conversely, if it is going to be a long term relationship, isn't it worth the risk?
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 November 2018):
 I agree with the other posts. Dating a co-worker is not the best idea. I guess its ok when things are going good, but should things take a turn for the worse it can be a most unpleasant situation. Not only for the both of you having to see each other everyday, but for your co-workers too.
If you guys are really serious about dating i would advise one of you getting a transfer, or another job somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 November 2018):
 I too think this is not the best idea.
You desire to talk through your concerns is possibly a good way of explaining why you are reluctant to date him. I would also soften the blow by saying that, if one or both of you ever changes employers, then you may reconsider if he is still interested.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2018): I must also agree with the decision to take a pass on dating a co-worker. Considering all the worse case scenarios, and the fact he sits next to you everyday.
We're talking about your livelihood, where you earn your income, and have established your career. When horny thoughts arise, we lose focus; and all the precautions melt-away. How often have you justified bad decisions, and regretted them later?
Listen to your better-judgment and stick to your policy about dating coworkers. Better safe than sorry!
He's a big-boy, and he'll handle the rejection just fine. If he can't; then that's a character-flaw you've dodged. Disappointment is only a temporary state of mind. If it turns into scorn, then you've avoided a nutcase! He's professional, and he knows better!
A lady always has a right to say no, and doesn't deserve attitude for doing so. Especially if she's your co-worker!
Any retaliation or grudge becomes a personnel-issue; and ultimately a matter of termination. That's what sets your place of employment separate from your personal-life. It's everybody's business at the job, which may include those in-charge well above your head.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (12 November 2018):
 Your instincts are correct. Its never a good idea to date a co-worker because other people will find out and gossip and worse than that if things go wrong you are stuck working with that person and it can get really awkward. I know people still go ahead and try to date within their work force but its usually a mistake.
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