A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A girl I am seeing recently revealed to me that she tried to commit suicide before over a guy. She claims he lead her on, thinking they were going to have a relationship but he only wanted sex. In the end, he dumped her and said he was never really attracted to her. She had low self-esteem and was depressed, so she tried to kill herself. A friend talked her out of it and she went to therapy. I really do like her but I feel like this is too much. She's doing better now but I'm worried if we date but end up breaking up, she might try to kill herself. A person's mental state can change drastically and I feel there would be too much pressure to stay with her and I couldn't handle her death on my conscience.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2021): What she told you may be true; or it's just her way of holding you as an emotional-hostage. Put you on a guilt-trip, just incase she doesn't get what she wants.
If you're not capable of dealing with a person who suffers from mental-illness; it's better to nip the situation in the bud. She was all too forthcoming about how she reacted and why. He got the blame. That makes it sound more like a warning or threat, than sharing.
I won't tell you what to do. Instead, I'll say what I would do. Dating is getting to know people and establishing a romantic-connection. It's not being committed to someone straight off the bat. She's trying to corner you with a threat; whether intended or unintended.
I am always straight-up with people. I won't deal with people I have to handle with kit gloves; or undergo undue drama for their benefit. That keeps me on eggshells; while they get to go about life as usual, with a built-in booby-trap.
I would have told her, I will keep what she says in-mind; but I will not feel obligated to commit to a relationship under the fear she'll hurt herself. I'd make it abundantly clear, I will not intentionally hurt her. Neither will I feel responsible if she decides to hurt herself; because she is unable to manipulate me. If she shared that much, ask her if she is seeing a therapist and currently under treatment?
If she's still emotionally fragile, she's not ready to enter a relationship; and you better not lead her on! Especially, if you're worried about upsetting her!!!
All in all, I'd end it right here. That's just me. I don't like being emotionally blackmailed. Whether she means to, or not.
Suggest that she see her therapist; if she feels any anxiety triggered by you. You are not a therapist, you do not have the credentials to deal with her issues; so you might be better-off seeing your way out now, before she gets too attached. Other aunts or uncles; or maybe some readers who suffer mental-illness might say that's not fair. Maybe not; but you can't develop trust in a relationship that you feel trapped in.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 August 2021):
 Being of a different generation to you, I find it difficult to keep up with the terminology used with reference to dating these days. What is the difference between "seeing" and "dating"? In my day, these two terms were interchangeable (along with "courting") and meant the same thing. From your post I am assuming "dating" is more serious than "seeing". Not sure what "seeing" entails but this girl obviously felt close enough to you to open up and admit her past.
If you want out of this relationship, such as it is, you need to finish it kindly. If this girl is of fragile mental health, she is likely to see this as rejection (which it is after all). IF you want to stop seeing her - as you say "I feel this is too much" - then perhaps blaming yourself will come across as less harsh. Something like "I don't think I am in the right frame of mind for a relationship at the moment so I don't want to string you along."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2021):
 You ask: "What should I do?"
I'll ask back, what would you LIKE to do?
So she didn't really TRY to kill herself, she TALKED about killing herself and the friend talked her out of it.
I think if she is still "raw" and in a fragile state mentally dating shouldn't even be on the table for her. She should prioritize her mental health first and foremost.
OTH she wanted to be open with you, so YOU know that she IS mentally fragile. I hope she is still in therapy. I think it was brave of her to be this vulnerable with you.
You only said that you are seeing this girl but not for how long. So if this is still very new, it IS OK to tell her that: "I feel there would be too much pressure to stay with her ". Or to tell her that you don't feel the two of you are a great fit. YOU do not have to elaborate. You are NOT a bad person if you feel this is too much responsibility to put on your shoulders.
Dating someone with a mental health issue is scary. And while I think we are all a little "off our rockers" one way or another, it IS OK to decide that you can't handle dating someone this fragile. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is not ideal.
But if you think you can have a future with her, then be open a gentle about your concerns. They are valid.
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