A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of fifteen years off and on has been spending an unusual amount of time with a couple that he calls friends.the cute younger girl and him are very flirty and are very close. The girls boyfriend now husband seams oblivious to this. I feel he's sleeping w her. I tell him to take me there and prove he's not cheating bit he seams to avoid it. Now I saw on his facebook that they were calling and messaging each other two or three times a day. That's just not normal.why else would he do that if he's not cheating. He claims she's like a little sister bit I can see by the way they look at each other its more than that. Could I be wrong?. Isn't spending sometime hours a few times a week with a.couple weird? And so many phone calls and mesages? He's got to be cheating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2021): Demanding he take you there and prove he is not cheating is dumb. He cannot prove he is not cheating. He can take you there and do and say all sorts, none of this proves a thing other than that he took you there! He could take you there, behave great and go back there and have sex with her another day!
The key to this is that your relationship was not solid and was off and on for a long time. Just waiting for someone more exciting to come along and turn him on. If it had not been her it would have been someone else. You are not married to him, you are not in a proper committed serious relationship so he can do as he wishes, he does not have to explain or justify or get permission to see other people or avoid seeing you.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (16 August 2021):
 Listen to your intuition, your gut feelings because these are normally right.
It does seem odd that he is spending a lot of time there, especially if they are flirting and sending messages as well.
You have asked to take you there to prove he is not cheating, but he avoids this at all costs, a major red flag OP.
Like WiseOwlE said, if someone accused me of cheating i would do everything in my power to reassure them that they were wrong, and i was not cheating. He on the other hand is doing nothing to prove he is not guilty.
When he is not with you, how do you know for sure he is actually there with them for the whole time, and not other places doing other stuff?. Do you follow him, or have a tracker on his phone?.
Apart from suspecting he is spending time with her, are other area's of your relationship being affected, closeness, intimacy, kindness etc?. If all of these things are floundering coupled with the fact that he is spending a lot of time away, and you have lost trust in him, then possibly its time to call it a day and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2021):
 It sounds shady and weird. BUT I don't think you judge too much on pictures on Facebook.
If you have been together for 15 years and you have never met her? NOW that would have me call it a red red flag.
Demanding he TAKES you there and PROVE he isn't cheating, IS not helping you in this case. It makes YOU seem a little nutty (even if seeing them together would make it easier to gauge if there is something going on or not)
Has he cheated before?
Do you trust him? If not, why are you with him?
I'm not saying this is your fault or that you are nutty - I'm saying there is more to this story I think?
Does it seem like an odd friendship? Maybe. From your perspective. Does that mean he HAS to be cheating? No. That doesn't mean he isn't either.
You don't have enough info here. We don't have enough info here.
But if you do no trust him to be honest with you then maybe it's time to cut and run. As in, end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): It's a tough call. Her husband is either oblivious, or doesn't have any suspicions. It's odd he won't invite you over with him; unless he just feels you'll misbehave and upset his friends.
If you don't trust him, and assume he's cheating. Why are you still with him?
You obviously snoop his phone, and spy on him. You're suspicious of his connection to the woman. Cheating is a very serious accusation. You need solid proof. You've read their messages, apparently they're inconclusive. Not sure how you'd know they're messaging, and have not seen the messages??? Spending hours with his friends is not weird. It is, if you suspect him of cheating. He doesn't necessarily have to be spending all that time with them. He could go elsewhere as well. Does he have to check-in, and account for his every movement?
If you believe he's cheating, what are you going to do about it?
Trust is lost. Therefore, so is the relationship. If my partner accused me of cheating, I would do everything possible to reassure them everything is cool. You said he won't let you near them/her. So...now what?!!
Stop spying, and just ask him straight-out! If you can't believe him; then you have no choice but to breakup with him. How long do you think he'll stick around anyway, if you think he's cheating on you?
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