A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So...where do I start? I will make this short and sweet. 1st love comes back into my life after 10 years, 2 kids and a soon to be ex husband. She married him because like a lot of girls she got pregnant blah blah blah. So now she decides to tell me she always loved me etc.. anyways I turn down her advances as I am big into the whole karma thing. Long story short I have been single and livin a fairly drama free life.. Thoughts? Can a bachelor actually be part of a ready made family if love is the center? Or is this just another chick from my past asking what ifs? A part of me thinks hey ya never know man...this really could be some movie type shit.. And yes. I do still care about her, i just don'tknow if she and i are doomed.in any case i will repeat nothing has happened between us! Those papers are Still not signed..lol.. I apologize for any typos I'm writing on phone.
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female
reader, SallySoMe  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Short answer: you have become accustomed to & relish your freedom & 'drama-free' life too much. Karmic connotations aside, how soon will you start resenting her for 'cluttering' up your life after consenting to be with her & her kids?
Huge responsibility = big lifstyle changes & requires careful head-based reflection
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Hi there, many layers here, first why did you two break up in the first place? You say you care, but do you love her, somewhere inside? Next, big question, do you like children? Can you see yourself being a part of helping to raise her children, with the ex-husband in the picture, as they are his kids as well? Next of all, you are used to your freedom, being involved with an automatic family, is a big difference, than what you are used too. Then to your honest judgment, do you have the patience to deal with sharing this lady with her children, and her ex-husband, if they do divorce? What do you want out of your life? These are all things I would write myself a letter to answer, then review them and see where you stand. Growing into a family after marriage, with your wife and you getting to know one another first, and then after a period of time, having one child, letting that child grow a bit and then maybe having another one, would be the normal process, not in all cases but a lot. Ready made families take a great deal of adjustment, for the one who comes into the family. The are questions of discipline, and the children's resentment, if you tell them to do something and they don't want to, then they play you against their mother, what then? Think about your life now, would you be happy with the entire addition? This is your call, so think hard and long. Lot's of drama could be involved. But if you think you could or do love this lady, enough to be a good husband and a father to her childred, then there you may have your answer. Start writing, and let me know what you feel. Stay in touch. Take care. Big decision here.
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A
female
reader, blackroses2989 +, writes (15 December 2008):
 I think maybe you should get to know her again, ten years can change a person so you never know. Thats smart to not do anything with her, why dont you just be her friend for a while and start fresh. Dont date or do anything till those papers are signed I hope everything goes well for you!!!!3 merry christmas
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