A
female
age
30-35,
*pache
writes:I desperately need advice. Please help :)I'm 20 and about 8 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend after 14 months together, within a month of breaking up with him my brothers friend *Anthony kissed me one night. Initially i didnt think much of it, but then he got my number off my brother and started to call me etc. and within weeks i was going to his house and started sleeping with him but no one ever knew. He is 26 and my close friends with both my brothers. One night another of my brothers friends saw *Anthony and I kissing and told my brother, but *Anthony denied it and my brother said that if he ever touched me he would hate him. I have been willing to tell my family about us in order to be with him since this all began but he was too afraid. Anyway, he went over seas about 2 and a bit months after we started seeing each other, (our relationship is very sexual and when we meet we always have to meet at his house and we spend majority of the time in the bedroom, and when he is staying at my house with my brothers we always manage to steal a kiss on the sly.) and while he was overseas he met a girl from Sweden. I knew about this girl and that he was going to go to Sweden and travel with her, but he denied that she was his gf and wanted to continue seeing me. So, we have been seeing each other, not as regularly but now he is going away soon and we have never actually spoken about our feelings towards eachother except for "I like you" etc. and the other night while I was intoxicated I told him that I didnt want to kiss him any more because he was going away to be with someone else, and that he was gutless for never trying to make our situation work. He got really cranky and told me he would love to be with me and that if we were together he'd want to marry me but it cant happen and that he cant risk not being friends with my brothers. So now I'm more confused. I don't know what to say to him. We have since spent the night together because I can't not, I love him and want to be with him so much, but at the same time I know he is going away to meet up with this girl and chances are they will get together, but I know if we could be together he would choose me. I'm just so confused... I dont know what to do, how to deal with it. I'm scared to tell him how I feel because I know that he is going and it won't make any diference now because I will always be his best mate's little sister. (but I know deep down my brothers would get over it if he treated me right) I know I should move on, but do I tell him I will wait for him? or that maybe when I'm a bit older if he is still single that we should try again...??please give advice. It's doing my head in.
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female
reader, apache +, writes (26 December 2008):
apache is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks heaps :)
ur reply made me think about things much clearer.
i have said good bye and ended things and hopefully now i can move on :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): This all sounds too complicated and sorry a bit superficial and mostly about getting together for sex....he never asked you to be his girlfriend, he is seeing other women and he has moved away....what is there to wait for. Love is not longing, it is not wanting what you can't have, it is based on a true friendship, and taking care of each other's needs what ever they may be and most of all it is declaring your love and commitment to one another and instead of just saying a bunch of words, there is ACTION behind it. It doesn't sound like the timing is right, it doesn't sound like it is based on something deep and abiding because your focus is on the number of sexual encounters he has had with you and the ones he possibly had with others. Sex doesn't make a guy fall in love with you, it makes him fall in lust...
My instinct is that you should continue to date others. If you think you like him alot, sure tell him of your feelings and see where you stand, however, I wouldn't tell him you are going to wait for him when he hasn't asked for a relationship. That quite frankly sounds desperate and rather daft.....let him be the suitor, go out and have fun with some other guys...date and have fun and be good to yourself and let a guy pick you....and he will and you will also pick him by giving him permission to proceed. You have the power, but when you have offered to wait, you have lost it and so will you loose his interest and respect most likely. Take care.
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