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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with a compulsive gambler for 21/2 years (I didn't realise until the past 6 months that he had a problem)
I am not a young and didn't think naive, I am a 37 year old professional but this man who I adore has manipulated me to feed his gambling habit to the tune of £31k, I sold my home in the south and am now in rented accomodation in Scotland. I have lost touch with my family and friends.
We hit rock bottom early this week when my partner admitted to using my card to play roulette on Sky digital, this has left me penniless. The bank left me with no choice but to report it to the police. My partner now hates me deeply and I can't help feeling guilty because I know he has a problem but didn't know what else to do as he does not think he has a problem and feels that I should have understood that he was under pressure and NEVER EVER have involved the police. Obviously he has left me and I am feeling hurt, lonely and confused because I love him he is refusing to answer my calls. I really do not know what to do and cannot speak to my only friend about it as she just thinks he is a waste of space who has consistently taken me for granted. Help I really do not know what to do?
Thank you
D
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female
reader, Alison111 +, writes (8 July 2005):
His addiction is gambling - yours is a selfless love because of your needs which you should confront. When we go as far as to sell our homes to be with someone - we have a bigger problem than them. He left you. After all you did. But that is it. What you did was fed your own habit - dependency. The last thing a dependee needs.I advice councelling to get to the bottom of your need and what you will do to keep that.Good LuckAlison
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2005): leave him be for a few weeks and let him calm dowm after that try to explain that you didnt mean to hurt him and express how you feel
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A reader, Jenny, writes (15 January 2005): Dear D,I have been in a similar situation myself and can really understand where you are coming from.Unfortunately you are the victim of this sorry situation but yet made to feel the guilty party.A gambler is like a drug addict the more you help them the more they will carry on gambling.Obviously your partner has a problem who needs help 'The gambling Association' is the best place to start with as there are people from all walks of life in a similar situation who are able to openly discuss their problem.Give them a call they are brillant!Try and write a letter to your partner offering your support and explaining you had to choice in the matter and had to report the matter to the police otherwise you would have got into trouble for aiding and abetting. Try and make him understand that his gambling which has driven you apart and if your relationship is important then he should admit there is problem and get him some professional help. Things will not get better overnight but you have made a head start. Tell him to cancel all his credit cards.Its best if he can get a loan and pay off all his cards so they are manageable.Then get him to cut up his cards.You have to wean him off gently like giving up drinking or smoking. Let him gamble but have a limit of say maximum £5.00 per week. It will be hard but he will get there in the end.Maybe this will revive your relationship or maybe it will not but at least you have done your best to help him but he has to realise that he will also need to help himself and not get tempted because the real winners are the casinos and the bookmakers its we who are the ultimate losers.I hope this helps.Kind regardsJenny
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