A
male
age
41-50,
*ragon69
writes:Okay so most of you know me as the guy who tried and tried to get his ex wife back to no prevail. Well I've somewhat moved on and am talking to a friend of mine that I've known my whole life. Now she just broke up with her bf like a couple months ago and we have been texting each other all the time. I've already came out to her telling her my feelings that whenever I get texts from her where we joke around about stuff she makes me happy, I went to chicago recently and said I was getting all my friends something from chicago cause they have been there for me through all the crap I put up with with my ex. Well her gift was a little more expensive than the rest. I got her a heart charm from Tiffany and Co. and she loves it. I had mentioned going out with her and she said to stop trying, that she's going through a really bad time right now. To me that sounds like ok there's a chance just got some bad timing. She called me the other day cause she had a really bad night at work and she needed someone to talk to, now she could have called or talked to anyone but she called me. After we were texting all morning she says I make her smile and I've done some things for her and we went out to lunch and I got the old "your a great friend" text after I listened to her on the phone. She seems to care a lot, she's always asking me how my night at work, is well most of the time. We talked this morning, she wondered why I was up and then she said she's glad that I am and we chatted for a little bit before she had to go to work. Now I don't mind being there for her and all but I want this to work into a relationship because she has told me she appreciates me and the things I do. I don't want to be stuck in the friend's zone forever. I'm willing to be patient right now cause right now we're both having a bad time but she also said we could hang out more after things settle down probably in the new year. Is there any way for sure if there is a chance? After all, she never said no I will not date you, she just said this is just not a good time. I've read articles saying that when a girl says that that it's not that she's saying no, it just means what it means. Any tips and advice to gently work out of the friend zone and maybe at least getting dinner out of it to attempt to show her what I have to offer? Thanks for everyone's help by the way with everything.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): I feel your pain, I'm kinda in the same situation now. The girl and I have been friends for about 2 years now and I,ve been helpin her alot through her breakups and such, there is a slight age difference ,, im 22 and shes 27, and she uses this to her advantage everytime i bring "us" up. She also gives me the tired line that,, " if I wasnt tied up between guys,, we would be dating" or somethin like that..Problem is shes a little promiscuous.. And i dunno what to do..as of now im locked in the friend zone, so much that she wants me to meet this "new guy" shes talkin to.. UG!! please pardon the rambling im gettin it out lol. Good luck I hope it all works.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Interesting situation and one that I am in myself (and at times it really, really sucks to be there). What to do? Well as much as you would like to say to her "here I am, please love me" you can't convince someone to love you or to have feelings for you. However it's obvious that this girl likes you and trusts you and you're in a good position to move on to a different level when, and if, the time is right for her (and even if you don't know it...for you as well). She's probably scared of getting involved again or has other problems going on in her life as she said. The danger is that you're just an in-between or that she will never move beyond a friendship with you. That risk is real but in the end you can't do anything about another person's feelings. All you can do is be yourself, do your best and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out for you at least you can say you tried your hardest. There are two probable outcomes to this: one is you looking back a year from now and saying "thank god I had patience and stuck in there because now look what I have." The second is ""thank god that didn't work out the way I wanted last year because now look what I have."
Listen to what she says, be patient (months), enjoy building a solid friendship which is an excellent base for a solid relationship, and if nothing happens in a reasonable amount of time, put all your cards on the table and be prepared to move on.
It's going to be hard but nothing worth having is ever easy. Now all I have to do is take my own advice ;)
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A
female
reader, Ravenxx91  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Hmm right now she just needs time to herself. Just let her knwo you are there for her, if you want her that much you will wait. Keep your feelings on the low until she is ready.
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