A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:should i tell me ex girlfriend how i feel? we broke up 3 months ago for reasons that are honestly just misunderstandings. Ive told her before that she misread me but shes stubborn and just got mad that i didnt care about how she felt. Shes was a good girlfriend, but she had her share of emotional problems, and i had toyed once or twice with the idea about breaking up with her. but i realized that the benefits of going out with her outweighed the negatives and its hard to find someone who cares about you and loves you. and while maybe the relationship wouldve ended down the line, if it did i wouldve wanted it to be for reasons that were true. I dont know if she would even want to get back with me in the future (she said she didnt, but this is a girl that hated me in high school and ended up loving me, so i know things can change). Even worse i dont even know if i want her back or its just my ego thats been bruised because i was rejected so fast by a girl whose every other boyfriend cheated on her and yet lasted longer than i did. i wanna tell her how i feel but i dont want to come off as weak, but i also dont want to lie and say things are great.I dont even know if she likes me anymore, which would make any attempt to tell her pointless if she didnt. she recently texted me happy birthday and i was nice and tried starting a conversation. the only response i got were "lol"s, so it was like she wasnt even trying to continue the conversation. the only time she did was when i asked her how life was and then she got real chatty saying how shes stressed out because her boyfriend is too thanks to some baby-mama drama. Im being sarcastic when i say im glad she cares so much about him while she doesnt seem to care that Im (a guy she still loves and cares about she says when i ask) sitting here with severe depression thanks to being rejected by the only girl that knew the real me (although i dont know if she did based on the reasons she left me).I am slightly conflicted on what to do because she has a new boyfriend now, one she got only a week and a half after she broke up with me. so i dont know what that says about what she thought about me. What pisses me off about that is that while my ex is only 19, the boyfriend is 28 with a daughter with another teen girl and i dont want to see her get hurt again by another cheating asshole. Im mentioning this because even if i got her back i dont know if i would want her because of how fast she got over me, and how she went into the arms of a man almost 10 yrs older then her, which disgusts me (no offense to anyone around that age or older lol, im just saying that the younger you are, the more you should try to date someone around your own age because you really are in different places in life sometimes, even if the difference is only 2 or 3 yrs.)So what im trying to say is, i do want her back but at the same time i dont since she so easily got over me it appears, and already cares about a guy that i can tell is only using her for sex and the ego boost of dating a bright young girl. I wanna tell her how i feel, but i feel like if i do itll destroy all chances of her ever getting back with me because ill look "whimpy".i dont know if this has any baring either but when she texted me happy birthday she was using a spare phone of her mother's because she lost her own. Does it mean anything that she didnt email me/txt me/ or facebook msg me that her number changed?Also a side question: after we broke up i asked why she said she loved me when its obvious she doesnt and she said she did and still does, no less and no differently than when we went out. But she loves me as in doesnt want to see me hurt (AKA like a friend). I dont get how you can grab someones arm late at night, hold them, kiss them, and look them straight in the eyes saying, "i love you" and mean it only as a friend. explain that.
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male
reader, Ven +, writes (17 October 2010):
You have to realize that your judgment is clouded. Admit it to yourself. Until you do, you will make all kinds of bad decisions based on emotions that are based on what you perceive. For instance, you say she got over you easily, but the rational mind would tell you that she is probably rebounding and just making sure you don't see how hurt she is over you.
From there, you need to focus on you. What you need to focus on is becoming a more mature and satisfied person. If you aren't happy with your body, take the time to join a gym or get physical work or exercise. If you aren't happy with your job, take a chance and do something different. If you have talents that go in-hand with long-time dreams or goals, pour yourself into those for a while. The end result is that you will have done more of the things you have wanted to, your self-confidence goes through the roof, and you will be able to be honest with her and yourself, and not make stupid decisions based on feelings you haven't been able to deal with properly for months.
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