A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I split up with my long time BF a few months ago but we met up today and we arranged to meet up again next week but I feel as though it's very tenuous. Is it best to take it slowly and meet up once a week and rebuild a friendship/relationship rather than rush? I'm a bit impatient and I miss him a lot but I can also see the sense in just taking it slowly. It's tempting to just jump into bed with him cos I still really fancy him but again, I wonder if it's better to take it easy in that area as well. I'm not sure what ist he best way to approach this situation. We agreed to meet up next week on Christmas Eve and he is spending Christmas day with his son and ex wife and we agreed to meet up in the New Year also so I guess things are moving in the right direction but I just feel impatient and I am worried about him going over to the ex wife for Christmas as she has split up with her partner recently but he told me that their grown up kids didn't want him to have to spend xmas alone so they asked if he could join them for lunch and she said yes ok. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): Hi, this is the original poster - thanks for your answers. To give more context, we broke up after a big argument which was really a big misunderstanding then we both said things re regretted - he was depressed because of all the money he lost in his divorce (when i met him years ago he was estranged from his wife and she was with someone else but the divorce only became final a couple of years ago) - he seems to have had some sort of breakdown over his divorce - he has been verbally abusive in the past - whilst we were apart i saw it as a case of us being 'estranged' or on a break, rather than properly split up and we spoke every day on the phone. Earlier in the year he had wanted to come back but i played it cool because of how he had behaved in the past and he took it to heart then the argument happened. I think he does have a bit of a slight mental problem and I have asked him to get counselling. We were together for nearly 8 years and went through a lot together and we both still care for each other. He hasn't seen anyone else since we last saw each other and he seems very withdrawn and insecure at the moment but I do love him and I would like to at least try again. I'm actually really out of sorts without him - and I do miss him. Thanks for taking the time to answer
A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (17 December 2009):
 This post poses more questions than anything.
I think many of us need a little more information to really get to grips with the question.
The bottom line is this. You are chasing your EX.
EX, as in your former, used to be, was, not any more boyfriend.
Whatever the reason you broke up, the fact is you broke up. Relationships are never, ever, ever, ever the same again. That 'special' thing is gone, I guess you miss him and he misses you. But more often than not, the thing that brings two exes back together is fear, rather than love.
Your fear is two-fold. What do you do without him? And what will he do, and with whom, without you?
I am not advocating that you cut him out of your life from now on, but I know that the same issues that caused you to break up will cause more anguish in the future.
People dont change much. Human nature does not like change.
So my advice to you is - live YOUR life.
If your ex seriously wants to come back into it, or you want him to do so, then why break up?
I have doubts.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 December 2009):
Very much so take it slowly. If he is an ex, then there were issues before, and there will be issues now. You need to resolve those issues slowly over time, and really get to know each other all over again. Yes, take it slow.
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