A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are due to have are first baby next month (29 days). I should be really happy about this but I'm just not. She wasn't a planned baby, she was a surprise as I have a medical condition. When I first discovered my pregnancy I was freaked out, feeling that I wasn't ready to have a baby. As time passed, I got use to the idea and was quite happy that she had come into my life. Then When I had my 20 week scan and found out that we were having a little girl, I was so happy and over the moon, I couldn't believe how lucky I was. As my due date is getting closer, I have this awful feeling coming over me. While most moms to be are dreading the birth (which hasn't phased me in the slightest), I have been shitting myself about the 18yrs plus commitment. I'm not worried about my abilites as a mother, I feel really confident with my ability to cope and recon I would make a really good mom. What I am worrying about is my commitment phobia and that I might reject her. I feel simply awful for feeling this way because I'm a really loving-natured individual so my behaviour is not making much sense. This poor little baby didn't as to be brought into this world and believe you me, I wouldn't choose to feel this way. I feel really guilty because in my heart I do already love her and want to protect her so much, but my head is going into rejection mode. Any supportive advice would be muh appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (22 October 2009):
 Hi sweetness,
I really think that what you're feeling is more normal than you think. Labor lasts for a day or two, but having a child lasts forever. So I actually think you're wise, thinking about this now and processing the reality of what will happen... otherwise, you could just deny, deny and then after you have the child be like, "OHMYGOD". So I think it's important that you think this through now.
I'll bet if you talk to some other Mother's - maybe your own, they will be able to give you some good advice and make you feel better about how you're feeling. And I think that once you actually see your baby and get to know her, you'll fall in love and rejection won't cross your mind again. It's easier to feel this way when you can't actually see her or experience her. And don't be surprised or feel crappy if it takes a little while for you to completely bond with her. Sometimes new Mom's feel horrible and shocked when they don't feel instantly bonded to the new baby, but that's a normal feeling. So if you don't get that "instant love", don't deem yourself a monster or cold, that feeling will grow and get there.
Contact your doctor and see if they recommend any good counselors. They often recommend counselors to take you through the end of pregnancy through the first few months to avoid postpartum depression or "baby blues". And, I'm absolutely positive that they'll tell you that your feelings of anxiety and worrying that you'll reject her are totally normal.
http://www.parents.com/baby/health/postpartum-depression/10-ways-to-prevent-postpartum-depression/;jsessionid=EE42KRJZQHWNQCQCEASCBHQ?page=2
I thought that list was pretty cool and helpful and might help you get through the first stages of being a Mom.
Good luck, sweetness, and congratulations!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): When you hold that baby in your arms, it will be instant love and all your fears will go away (at least for a day). Let me tell you what happened to our family today and perhaps you might feel more blessed.My son and his wife are expecting their first child, they are 5 1/2 months along. Yesterday, they went in for their first ultrasound and found out they are having a boy, they named him after his father, my son.Today the doctor called and informed us that the baby does not have a brain and is going to die. My son and his wife are the best people. They have done everything the right way. They went to college, got jobs, bought a house and then planned on having a baby. Yes, they would love and cherish a child and have so much to offer, and yet they have nothing to hold expect each other to comfort their grief. You are having a healthy baby and today you are sad. Their baby is going to die and they would give anything to trade places with you, but they can't. Be glad you are having a healthy baby and cherish and love her for you have been given a great gift.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (22 October 2009):
 Have you tried talking to a counselor or maybe taking therapy to help you?I hope everything goes ok with you and your baby!
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