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male
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*harlie
writes: she dumped me 11 months ago for her married boss with 3 kids and i was devestated. Now im trying my best to move on but she keeps texting me virtually every week and finding any excuse to try and strike up some sort of conversation between us,i have never texted her first. This stirs me up as i wonder if she is having a good time with her new bloke etc.I feel like i should now be over it completely, but im only 75% of the way there. Why does she continue to contact me? it hurts me as i get my hopes up, its not goood for me! thanks for listening
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): She may be using you. If her partner is in contact with his ex over the children then she may be jealous of this and just using you to get at him. If not, and apart from wanting to get back with you, I assume you were together for several years and she is probably missing your company, input and advice. It is impossible to stay friends, and why should you for her benefit as it is causing you emotional problems. I doubt she wants to stay friends to ease her conscience for leaving you, and I would advise you have nothing more to do with her. She left you and you should continue to get over her and move on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): She is fed up with the new bloke, familiarity breeds contempt- and she is probably looking back at all the fun times she had with you and regretting her actions. She has broken your trust and your heart and she will probably do it again so my advice is do not reply to her, do not even text her to tell her to stop, just ignoire her and she will get the message eventually. Reconciliation is allmost impossible, how could you ever trust her again?! If you were to have her back (if this is indeed what she wants) she will probably do it all to you again. She has no scruples about cheating and loyalty and you must not forget this, even though you probably still love her very much. Ironically she is cheating now on the person she left you for, as her new bloke obviously wouldn't want her to contact her ex!! The last 25% of your feelings will take some time to go. They say it takes 2 months to get over every year of a relationship, having been dumped. I am speaking from my own personal experience the girl you first fell for has gone you have to accept that and fortunately you have your future back now, and you do not really want to re kindle a relationship with someone who utterly betrayed you. Be certain of one thing, if she wants to come back it is not because she is missing or loves you, but because it suits her to return. 11 months ago she was thinking only of herself when she left you, and you should be thinking ONLY about yourself now. Move on and forget her, do not text or talk to her as she isn't worth it. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 your just right it isnt good for you, im starting to wonder myself has she really regretted the decision she once made. If she has then she probably thinks that you will take her back if she continues to show an interest in you. If you are nearly over that stage in getting over her then i suggest that you carry on, dont stop dead in your tracks because she is texting you again. If she has decided to leave you for another man, of which has kids what makes you think that if you 2 do get back together that she wont do it again? you need to be strong for yourself and look out for number one, how about changing your number and not giving her it? she broke your heart, she cant expect you to be alright about it
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A
female
reader, Nay920 +, writes (23 August 2006):
Maybe she realized that she made a big mistake in which she did that man is not going to leave his wife no matter how many time he say he is she messed up big time what you need to do is go out have fun meet new people dont worry about her cause she should have not left you for a married man with children in the first place you write her back and see what it is that she wants but give in to her if she is writing you back to say sorry FORGIVE her and FOR GET HER.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (23 August 2006):
 You're trying to get on with your life and it sounds like you're doing really well. But the ball's in your court. You don't have to reply. You have a choice. You said you never text first, so I am assuming you do reply, so my advice is....don't reply to her texts at all. Or make your last reply a firm, assertive request that she refrains from contacting you again. I find it offensive that people readily invade private personal space with texts. I wager you wouldn't accept this behaviour if she was turning up on the doorstep as often or calling on the home phone, so why should you accept this? If you lay down the rule, you will hopefully get the next 25% out of the way. Whether things are good with him or not, that's not your concern. She left you and if she regrets it, it's her loss. She is controlling you and it's unacceptable after what she did.
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A
male
reader, guardian87  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 As for now, you should try to create more space between you and her. Being friends after a relationship is always a good thing, but not right after it. either delete her messages as soon as you get them or tell her off and that you will talk to her when you are comfortable with it
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (23 August 2006):
 Right is impotant that you don't get back with this woman as she betrayed your trust before and she could do it again. She is being completely unfair txting you all the time. I think that you should change your phone number for a start. Shes probably realised what she has given up and wants you back but at the end of the day she gave you up the day she started seeing this other bloke. Tell her to leave you alone and change your number. Good luck
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