A
female
age
36-40,
*heaboo
writes: I met a guy on Plenty of Fish, we texted back and forth for a month with pretty standard 'get to know you' questions, e.g.: what would you bring on a desert island, what are your parents like, etc. After a few weeks of texting and establishing that we enjoy the conversatins we have with each other, we became facebook friends. That was my first glimpse at how cute he is! I was interested in his personality and willing to date him even if he looked like a mailbox, but then when I realized that he was smart, funny AND gorgeous, I started investing a little more emotionally. We continued texting and started talking on the phone almost every day. He even went so far as to say that barring any major problems like one of us having a serious gambling addiction, he was "borderline in love" with me and the kind of girl he'd like to marry. We live about an hour away from eachother and after 6 weeks of texting and calling, we decided to meet in person. I met him on campus at the college we both attended (but didn't meet at) and showed each other our favorite places around campus, we played hide and seek with some freshman messing around by the library, laid in the grass and talked. Afte that we had dinner and met up with a girlfreind of mine from college for beers. The date was ok, like I said he's gorgeous and hilarious so I was smitten, but got the feeling he was less enchanted with me in person. At the end of the date on the ride back to my car, he said he found my answering my phone once on our date rude and I assumed that meant "have a nice life".. But then he kissed me and asked me to come back to his place (he would sleep on the couch since I had driven to his town to meet him). I went back with him and we ended up sleeping together. His whole attitude changed and he became really sweet and attentive, like any awkwardness from the night before was gone. The next week he texted less and called less, but asked me to come see his sister's play with him the next weekend. When I got there, he was flirty, introduced me to his sister, took me out to dinner and we had a nice evening. By the time we got back to his house, he was cold again.. even though we laughed the entire ride back from the play. At bedtime, he laid down facing away from me, but as soon as I snuggled up to him, he was sweet again. The next morning, he made me breakfast, but was cold the second we finished eating. Whenever I try and talk to him about the "mixed signals" of saying 'borderline in love' then not texting for 3 days, he says I over think things. I want to respect him having his own life, but feel like he ought to be acting more into me than he is. He's 25 but he's 112 in his soul. He never speaks without thinking, is often brutal with the honesty but I have conversely seen him be overly sweet and dedicated as well. Truthfully, I am tired of feeling anxious over him. I believe him when he says that there hasn't been a cooling off factor.. but not texting me for 3 days is pretty indicitive of lost interest. I can't tell if he's trying to "train" me to be less high maintenence, which he always teases me for, or if he's not interested (but doesnt want to hurt me cause we slept together).
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female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 There is no way you are being needy at all. I think it is reasonable to presume that he will at least text to see if YOU are okay and that YOU haven't been hurt. Anxiety takes so much energy out of the human body and i just don't think he is worth it at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): it does sound like he's hot and then cold and thats not fair. im sure you work hard at this and it doesnt make sense. if you're sure hes giving mixed signals then maybe you should step back and let him come to you. let him contact you first.
and are you sure hes cold with you, maybe hes just awkward but its definitly something you need to figure out. and figure out what he wants, is it commitment or fun. good luck
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A
female
reader, theaboo +, writes (20 April 2011):
theaboo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh no, I appreciate the humor :) I seriously think he's trying to "train" me not to be so needy! Not needy, but I do get kind of paranoid if he doesn't text me back after a day or so. I haven't heard from him since he texted me Sunday after I was leaving his apartment to let me know I forgot something. He hasn't been online, nothing. But I feel completely crazy! Even if something terrible had happened, couldn't he have let me know so I wouldn't worry? Or am I also supposed to feel crazy for being "worried"? Is it unrealizstic of me after 6 weeks, 2 24 hour long dates, and sleeping together to ask him to be more involved? I'm allowed to want him to call me daily, right?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): I think there were several things wrong from the beginning. a single guy who is really keen on you will not let over a month pass until he meets you and he'll drive down to come see you and take you out on a date. Not only was he rude to you but then you jumped in bed with him the first time you met. I know you like him but I don't see a relationship forming out of this, just more mixed signals and him pulling away after he found out how available you were for him.
A guy who really likes you won't behave like this from the start.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (20 April 2011):
I don't think this guy has, used you. I do think he wants to get emotionally involved but something is stopping him. Whether its a past hurt or past rejection whatever, point is he has to be wholly ready for a relationship 100% and not act hot and cold, it's not fair.
I'd be tempted to give him plentyofspace and take a step back. If he wants to be with you he needs to make a 100% effort to embrace this new and what should be exciting time in his life. If he's not ready then he needs to take plentyoftime to heal to be truly ready for a relationship.
Good luck!
p.s. sorry about the "plenty of" references, I couldn't help it!
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