A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We went out with my boyfriend and my parents for lunch. My parents are visiting from another country. They have met 3 times.. At lunch I asked the waitress for the check, my father wanted to pay. My boyfriend quickly left and I saw he is paying the bill. I asked the waitress to do not accept it but she did. It was nice of him, not a big deal in my culture and in fact that's how it is. So my parents were uncomfortable and didn't want him to do it. Anyways we got back and he kept asking me I hope I didn't offend them. I said no worries and thanked him again. By the way we are both in our 40s and have good jobs. Today I found the restaurant receipt in my car in the cup holder. So basically he put it there. I thought he may put it there intentionally so I see it? When I go out with him I always offer to pay and I do pay. I don't know how to read this just I'm not feeling good. Why he should do that? It wasn't an upscale restaurant, it was, just around 100 bucks. Should I mention it to him asking by the way you left the receipt do you need it? Something like that? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2017):
 Wow I really cannot believe him leaving the receipt in a cup holder has you wondering is he cheap. There must be more to this than you are saying, either that or you are completely over reacting. It was a nice thing to do, he did it discretely and did not need to be asked or told to take the bill. Are you sure you are in your 40s? It looks to me like you are picking faults where there are none.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): You seem to have inferred a lot from this event. How could paying for dinner and leaving the receipt somewhere random mean he's cheap and trying to cover it up, especially when he's not shown any actions like that before? Are you sure there's nothing else in this situation, or are you comparing to past partners?
In today's society, it's a minefield for the guy to do the 'right thing' as every family and individual has their own interpretation of what that right thing is. If I was him in that situation (and I have been) then the 'right thing' would be to offer to pay. Not for any reason other than that's what's been conditioned into us.
It's too easy to look for little signals and interpret them in ways that go far beyond reality. The mind always goes for the negative interpretation. Don't let it become an issue, discuss it and talk about how you would prefer him to act the next time you're in that situation, and ask him his reasoning behind why he did it. You'll get to understand each other some more as a result and that's a good thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2017): OP- Thank you aunts. Just to clarify we went out to lunch with one car and I was driving so he was sitting in front seat that's how the receipt ended up to the cup holder. Anonymous 123 I do appreciate what he did and in my culture we do the same that's why I said it's not a big deal and it's common to impress the future in-laws but I got a feeling that he thinks he did something very special and leaving the receipt there just made me feel he is rubbing it into my face. I just want to make sure he is not a cheap person because I absolutely can't be with a petty person. I haven't seen anything suspicious during our 3 months dating. He makes as twice as me and we never split the bills, I just hate it and it has never been mentioned. Whoever gets the bill pays it and I pay half of the time usually. So my concern was just I wanted to make sure he is not cheap and faking it being generous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2017): How does leaving a receipt in a cup holder mean he wants you to see it? I leave receipts everywhere, no big deal. Don't make an issue out of something that doesn't seem to be an issue. Carry on as normal and only if he actually says something to you about paying or mentions it to guilt trip you or anything then you can treat it as an issue.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 April 2017):
 He did a good thing and anyone else in your place would have been happy.
Exactly what isn't a big deal in your culture? Being decent and polite to elders or caring for your partner's parents enough to pay for them? As far as I know, this would be appreciated everywhere! I honestly don't understand what you aren't feeling "good" about! It would have made sense of it were the other way- your boyfriend sitting there at lunch, behaving like an upstart and not offering to pay!
Ask him though, if you're bothered.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2017):
 I wouldn't.
He MADE the choice to pay. I think for most MATURE men it's a way to SHOW the "in-laws" that they CAN take care of their partner.
Your parents need not be uncomfortable, he paid the bill in a VERY nice and discrete manner without causing a big fuss at that table (unlike you...)
As for the receipt in the car, ignore it. If he wants YOU to pay half or whatnot, he can speak up.
I honestly think it's more of a "pride" thing than a rub it in kind of thing.
Don't make a big deal out of this. IMHO.
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