A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,So my sister in law and I, ended up exchanging flirty messages and then it became wide open that we both wanted it. One thing led into another, before you know it we were having full on sex and everything in short order. It has been simply amazing. It's so hard because we are both unhappy and truly happy with each other at the same time. We joke about running away together, but it's so hard to make a leap in such a fashion. So, my question is, if we both clearly know the obvious, we are hurting those we love. Is our best choice to just let it bleed out and run off together? Or would this just end poorly even after we are gone. We truly are an amazing match and I am seeking guidance more on the positive way to be together, not so much on how awful a thing it is. We clearly are grown adults, and knew going in the trouble this would cause.
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affair, flirt, sister in law Reply to this Question
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male
reader, sleepwalker +, writes (29 April 2017):
You may be reading way too much into your sister in law's behavior towards you. Just because she is having a sexual affair with you doesn't mean that she is willing to replace her husband for you and even she is willing to walk away from her marriage, that she then would want to start a committed relationship with you. You may simply be in her eyes an "escape valve" from all the built up marital pressure that makes her marriage bearable. How willing is she to leave her husband and start a committed relationship with you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2017): Now I think you should do what ever makes you happy however don't run away show some respects to your partners and sit down and explain ...then go run off be happy but don't believe everyone is going to be happy or supportive to you so be sure cause it could be just the two of you
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (24 April 2017):
Yes you should run away together. Your spouses/partners deserve better than the two of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2017): Your SIL is new and exciting.
Give her some time and her shine WILL wear off.
Better yet.
Make her your WIFE and watch the fireworks fade away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2017):
 You write:
"We clearly are grown adults"
So why not ACT like adults? Sort out the MESS with your partners first, that means getting a divorce, settle financial responsibilities with that partner, BE single before getting together.
You SAY:
"We clearly are grown adults, and knew going in the trouble this would cause".
Did you really?
Did the both of you think that having an affair would FIX the unhappiness? What you two are doing is NOT taking responsibility for your actions, NOT considering ANYONE else but yourselves, NOT giving a SHIT about how this WILL (no doubt there) affect EVERYONE around you - family, friends, work etc. You are both off in some lust induced la-la land where YOUR own "happiness" or easy sexual gratification and fantasy is MORE important than EVERYONE else.
What would running off accomplish? Hurt the other people less? Fix what's not working?
FFS! try and think with the "head" to the North. IF you two REALLY are to make it work, don't start it off as SHADY as possible (like running away from your responsibilities). How are you both to continue a "happy" life when it's BUILD on lies and deceit? It might work for a little while till EITHER of you realize that maybe you can't trust your partner to not cheat again or cheat on YOU, and then what? Then you have to LIVE with the consequences of throwing a bunch of live hand grenades into your family and friends. They may NOT find it in their hearts to forgive you.
Is a life together realistic? Start with that. Then do the RIGHT thing and end YOUR own marriages FIRST. And yes, that will take time, but that time SHOULD be used to reflect on your own actions and maybe the future. Are you ready for the fallout? The drama? To face the music?
Family and friends are NOT going to appreciate either of you more for doing the right thing. But YOU two HAVE to live with yourselves.
You claim to be a grown up, ACT like one.
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