A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Last month when my b/f was away on business, I noticed that someone had tried to egg my car but missed almost completely. I wasn't sure at the time that it was even an attempt, but I found broken egg shells and a slime on my tire. I washed it off and didn't think more about it. Yesterday when I took my car to the car wash (I do the hand held kind) I saw a huge dirty spot near the back tyre on the paint that wouldn't come clean. After my car dried I discovered it was indeed an egging (small pieces of the shell still remained). I called my b/f on my way home from work and asked him if he had any products we could use to clean it. Instead of being like, "Aw, who would egg my pretty baby's car." he acted totally shitty about it and said it probably wasn't egg at all, because I usually jump to the wrong conclusions anyhow. I was so insulted I hung up on him. We ended up in a huge fight later because basically he would not apologize for the rude remark when all I was wanting was a little advice about how to clean the spot on my car. But as he put it, "It's your car, you deal with it." At one point during our fight (which believe me, was no longer about the egg!) He actually told me to move out. WTF? All I asked for was an apology for the remark he made, and he refused. Perhaps what I should also mention is that I suspect the egg came from a girl he works with who has developed a crush on my b/f (he claims she's a stalker) but also refuses to really deal with the problem. What do you advise? Was I totally over-reacting? I felt like he was being completely insensitive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): I have my reasons to stay anonymous, Grimreality, don't tell me what to do. I read you answers in several posts, and they are all attacking. Also I don't think you like women very much, you sound angry. I want to be taken seriously only by people who are dealing w.situation and looking for advice, not by you. who is always critical and judgemental.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Freddy58 and annon.Aunt. Your answers were compassionate and non-attacking. I appreciate both of you and your advise. I think all relationship are a growing process that some do not understand. And I want mine to work out. As for the female stalker, that was addressed somewhat earlier with the Aunts and I am trying not to bring it up and throw it in his face. So yes it is perhaps an underlying issue. My b/f has expressed a desire to change his behavior so I am trying to stick it out with him and help him get over his tendency to blow up. There are many good things in our relationship so I'm hesitant to kick him to the curb over something small, on the other hand I am aware that we both come from different backgrounds so we handle conflict differently. Even when I am angry, I keep a level head and are able speak to someone without shouting obscenities. I would like to see him improve in this area but it's hard to change old habits and patterns. On the other hand, because I do come from a different background I am not always able to see if I am being unreasonable so this was the reason for my post.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 Well Anonymous,
I take it you are referring to me about justification and telling the truth?
All I can say is that I have never had the need to post anything on an anonymous basis, nor will I. It is because I stand behind every word I write here. I suggest you do the same if you are to be taken seriously. It's real easy to condemn someone when you cant tell them your name, huh?.
So I suggest you have me let a look at ya...come on don't be scared.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Hi.Looks like there is something is going w/you boyfriend, if he had this angry reaction that was uncalled for. If my husband reacted this way I would be very upset also.You were right to demand apology. Sorr, that this became a huge fight, but that's how fights ussually grow out of proportion. People here sometimes don't understand the concept of this site. They immediately will tell you how bad you are and how you need to grow up justifying it by that they are telling the 'truth'. Some are also expressing their opinion how all your worries aren't worthy any attention, saying "get over it".I am sure for you it's a big deal, that's why you came in for and advice.
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A
female
reader, freddy58 +, writes (29 September 2009):
Your boyfriend is the egg!!! He feels guilty about not stopping this stalker girl because he likes the feeling of being chased. He is irritated by you asking how to clean the egg off because he actually likes the idea of a girl going to that extreme over him, no matter who it upsets.
Get rid of him - tell him to leave - change the locks!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (29 September 2009):
Quiet Echo and ask Older Sister:
You have heard me post many times about how people come here and fish for answers they WANT to hear as opposed to what they Need to hear.
The most telling part was when she responded that she was trying to "TEACH HIM". That said it all right there and proved my original point.
It does not matter whether it is male or female, for both genders are equally guilty of it.
This was just a glaring example of someone that came here hoping to get advice that they could grasp onto as opposed to looking into themselves as how to change THEIR OWN behavior. It happens every day worldwide. This was just another example of it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2009):
If you really feel that way, are you sure you want to be woth a guy who treats you so insensitively?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you for your advise, but I think it's interesting that we are now rewarding insensitive men by always being the one to take it in the butt when they are out of line. My b/f has a history of explosive behavior, usually followed by profusious apologies, and I am trying like hell to teach him that there are better ways of responding to problems (even trivial ones) but apparently I should just take it in the butt and allow him to walk all over me and do whatever he pleases. My apologies.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2009):
Wow! Not only was this blown out of proportion, but it really sounds like the both of you aren't communicting all that well. Sit him down and ask him where this relationship is going. It doesn't sound all that great. He wasn't listening to you and you ended up mad over something that although wasn't trivial, really wasn't his fault. Not a good sign. Think carefully about this relationship and what it;s doing for you both.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Get over it. Seriously. If these are the worst of your problems, you are a lucky woman. (But if you seriously suspect that there might be something going on between your husband and his co-worker, look into it on your own). Other than that, no I don't think it was right for him to snap at you, but neither was is smart of you to demand an apology, even if it is deserved. This kind of stuff is petty, and it's best to take the higher ground on stuff like this and let it go. Otherwise you will have no steam left (no positive emotional reserves) built for when you have real problems. You need to step back and look at the big picture. Think about it. If you argue about every stupid little thing and stubbornly defiantly refuse to back down, what is going to happen to you guys when you have REAL issues to argue about? You need to have some well-handled arguments in your argument bank so that when real serious stuff comes up between the two of you, you have the experience to handle them well, and not go ballistic over them like over these stupid little ones. Because a badly handled petty argument may not be the end of relationship, but a badly handled serious argument very well could spell the end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Maybe he was having a crappy day? I know when I'm in an awful mood even a "how are you?" Can annoy me. On top of that I never think its acceptable to hang up on someone. I hope you btoh get passed it.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (29 September 2009):
Sounds like you have some issues yourself. If you expect someone to give you a warm fuzzy over getting your car egged and then demand an apology over something so trivial, then I would say that probably is a pattern to your behavior.Not only did you blow this out of proportion, but you need top grow up and realize that not everything deserves for you to be handed a tissue and a group hug.Rather than blaming him, Id look into how you could change your own behavior
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