The answer in the face of question

A male age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Things were awesome at first! But my fears became true, the honeymoon phase ended and now all we seem to do is fight, argue, and not get along. I can't say that the problem is between both of us. He doesn't show affection towards me like he use to. He gets easily angry and frustrated with me everyday. Mad, angry, and mean towards me about normal daily stressors. Money, being the biggest, problems with his family, seemingly any problem that arises. He doesn't cope with stress at all. In fact he lets it worry him to the point that it controls him, his happiness, and his behavior towards me. I try so hard to show and tell him I there for him. All I ask him to do is talk to me-afterall thats what I'm here for right? We don't talk anymore, we're not playful like we use to be. I feel, well I know, that he has completely detached himself from me emotionally. Because of this detachment more disputes arise. Disputes about our sex life. He always wants it, but its a lustfull and selfish relaxation session for him. He isn't at all emotionally connected during sex. He won't even look at me in the eyes when we kiss-they're always closed. In fact, we hardly at all look at each other in the eyes on a daily basis- I miss that, my heart aches in missing that. I feel like my soul mate has fallen out of love for me. When I ask him I always get the typical response- I'm being paranoid, I worry too much, I'm anxious, I'm smothering him. I'm always told that we're ok and that he loves me with all his heart and that we'll be together always. Yeah, he tells me that all the time, and although I feel like the blame is always put on me (that I'm paranoid and anxious), I feel like he's detaching from himself with the situation. I sometimes feel as though he knows he isn't happy but tells himself that everything is ok and in return tells me, to make himself feel better. I am always telling him that I try my best to make him happy-all things materialistic at that. I keep the house clean, I don't spend money on myself, I work overtime, I buy him gifts, I sexually please him- but no positive outcome. Hell, I have one pair of shoes, and about 3 decent outfits. Unfortanetly, this all has been a processional to what took place yesterday, last night, and now. Yesterday we were cleaning, he was out in the yard, I'm inside. I had a 3:00 meeting at the hospital-comes with my career as a trauma nurse, told him about and he was cool with it. At 4:15 I called him to let him know I was on my way home and if he wanted me to grab some wings for an early supper. He said no and that he was on his way to his parents to cut their lawn and that he would be home shortly-being super sweet to me, I was ok. When I got home he had our male dog in the crate, and our female and her new 6 puppies in our master with the door shut. We commonly do this seeing that she made her nest in our walkin closet and don't allow the male to enter and stress her out. Well when I opened the door, she had ate a whole bag full-all 12 pieces, of dark chocolate. Being a truama nurse, I knew that I needed to induce vomiting or she would become severly ill-seeing that a ton load of chocolate can be fatal with such a small dog. Knowing that she is breastfeeding, I researched online to make sure giving her peroxide (used to induce vomiting) was safe and wouldn't metabolize in her milk, causing harm to the pups. I couldn't find anything, so called and asked the vet. They put me on hold, got back on and told me to bring her in immediately that other interventions would be required due to the large amount consumed. I called my partner and of course he immediately flips out then turns mean towards me. I take her to the vet costing us $300-concluding her positive outcome, still doing well and is out of the 12 hour period of anything happening. When I got home with her he said everything was fine, but he was a wreck, being mean to me, not talking to me, not looking at me, not engaging back when I held him or talked to him gently, trying to calm him down you know.-trying to be a good spouse, trying to make him happy. He finally goes inside, takes a shower, and lays on the bed naked and wanting some. Of course, being the good spouse I am we made love, I did all the work, but I enjoyed it. He actually engaged emotionally somewhat, but at the end as we were laying, but stopped himself by saying that he was going to fall asleep and that we needed to get up. Up we went, he goes outside to smoke, i'm in the master cleaning up. After I had the master bedroom cleaned up, I thought it would be nice to gather the puppies and put them in the doggie bed in the living room, so all of us would be together for dinner and to enjoy a relaxing night. I grabbed 4 of the 6 and heading down the hallway. My female got freaked out, ran under my feet and caused me to trip, dropping 3 of the pups on the hardwood floor. 2 of the puppies was completely fine, but one of them became brain damaged, showing signs immediately. He runs in from the porch to me and flips out like I have never seen before. He starts crying so out uncontrol and leaves in his truck. There I am standing in the closet, crying, upset at what happened, with a feeling of guilt so intense, well I can't even describe it. I didn't know what to do, so I started praying. Felt better, realized its just a dog (and I hate saying that), and realized I needed to worry and focus on my spouse so upset. I call him over and over, no answer. Finally he answers, screaming at me over the phone, telling me he can't handle it anymore and that he's driving to him parents, telling me how horrible I am. I let it go, giving him his space, but heartbroken upmost. I call his mother to make sure she called me when he arrives so I would know he made it home safe, since he was not in the right mind to drive- I was worried about him. She was so rude and mean to me, I was like whatever I don't deserve this and hang up. I go to my aunts, my spiritual role-model and we talked, making me feel good about things and my journey with God. He texts me and lets me know he is on his way back home, and asks if the puppy is really ok. I tell him that the puppy is alive, breathing, good pulse, but brain damaged, not feeding, screaming out, not acting normal. When he gets home he texts me, begging for me to come home, telling me sorry and that he loves me and that nothing would get in between us and that I'm his babe always. I feel good about things and come back home. Before I got home I was thinking about what I was going to do with the puppy-seeing that he had texted me that it was screaming out continuously-in pain. I guess it was how we were raised differently, and a cultural difference (i'm from the deep south, he's from the deep north). But I was planning on ending the pain and suffering for the little pup, crying and struggling with the idea all the way home, however knowing that it is the right thing, to not let an innocent pup suffer an agonizing death in screaming out pain. When I got home, he was amazing, I looked in his eyes, told him I loved him, and he told me so sweet he loved me. I went to check on the puppy, and of course it was suffering, screaming out in pain, stressing my mother dog out, looking up at me in confusion on what to do with her pup. I go into the living room and tell me what I was going to do. HMMMM, well, he flips out, this time at his all time biggest. He becomes so irate with me that he told me that I'm so irresponsible and that I killed the dog and that I don't think and that I don't have a brain and that I don't have any common sense (and his mother said so too). He told me that I would be a horrible father to a real newborn child and that I haven't grown up yet. Yelling, screaming, telling me that it was all my fault and that I was wrong for touching them. He told me I ruined everything. He brought up the time I accidentally made the x-mas tree fall down as I was trying to tightened it because it was leaning so severely it would have falled down anyway. Somehow the whole argument turned about the damn x-mas tree and that it was his pride and joy and that I had no business. I'm crying at this point, i told him I wasn't sorry and that it was a damn tree and freaking 5 months ago. I told him I'm suppose to be his pride and joy, I'm suppose to make him happy, not a damn x-mas tree. I said I didn't think before I did things. Are you serious, I did it because I knew how freaking important the tree was to him, being his pride and joy. I did it to make him happy when he got home. He still doesn't get it. I'm still being blamed for the tree and the puppy. I defended myself and told him he was wrong about everything and how he was talking and treating me. I leave and drive, headed to my moms. He texts me, says that if I'm going to ride around and waste gas and go to my mom and dad's that he would have all of his stuff out by the morning and we would work out dividing everything later. I call him, pull over and weap on the phone with him. I asked him if he was serious about everything, if a x-mas tree and a damn puppy is more important to him than me? I beg him to rethink everything and that I loved him and that all I ever do is try so hard to make him happy. He tells me to come home. I really think about it. Why? Why should I? I'm so tired of being treated like this when all I do is love, love and love in this house. All I do is try with all my strength to make everything work. I get home and he's in the bed, I come in the bedroom and tell him I'm home. No response. I asked him, babe, you wanted me to come, why then because your not giving me the time of day. Resonse was he's sick, has a headache and tummy ache and that he's tired and exhausted. Really, what the hell do you think I am right now, and have been for the last 3 months at that! I calm down, don't say a work, and crawl into bed beside him. His back to me, i grab my bible. I'm reading scriptures, pausing to pray, then the lord shows me the perfect prayer. I ask him so tenderly if he would pray with and and if I could love on him. He say's no for the first 3 times, telling me he doesn't want to pray anymore and that he prays too much and nevered answered. He tells me God can't fix us. MY HEART WEAPS! I look at him and tell me, baby no. Through God all things are possible, you can't give up on him, beacuse he has and never will give up on you. He agrees to let me pray, I held him and for the first time I let the holy ghost pray on my behalf, our beahlf, to God himself. It was almost a perfect prayer, seeing that there is only one perfect prayer that he taught us to pray. It was so well with my soul during that prayer I weaped in joy. When I got done, no response. "Baby, did you hear our prayer"? Nothing...."baby, so Amen". Nothing....finally he says, "I'm just tired, you just don't understand things". I get up, not saying a word and leave the bedroom. I went outside and prayed my heart out to God. Now...well, although I know everything will always be more than well with me through Christ, I am so heartbroken right now I don't know what more I can do than put it in God's hands. I have completely surrendered to him, I am no longer going to try and fix things-I know God will, he always does. I just love this man with all my might and soul, I knew from day one he was my soulmate-because of the love we had for each other, the love I have for him now. I so eagerly want to help my spouse through whatever strom is in his life right now, but I can't seem to get ito his heart to help him so. Or should I say he's not letting me into his heart. Needless to say, I know his heart backwards and fowards. Somehow I think he is scared and confused on his direction, because he told me he didn't want to hear that I was a child of God, when we were arguing earlier in the night when I was defending my integrity. He told me I wasn't a child of God because I am gay. I responded back, no baby, your a child of God too, we all are. He looked at me and said, "yeah your right because I don't know what I am, i'm confused". How do you end after that sentence. I guess where I am at right now is concern out of love for things in the natural realm that we as humans have no control over. We sometimes think we seemingly have control over the things that happen to us, forgetting that its not the things that happen to us in this natural realm that define us for who we are. It is how we live our life, how we love one another, how we behave, how we respond among the things that happen to us in the natural realm. Ultimately, it is up to us to decide how to live among things we can not control. When a person makes a decision to allow God to control our life, that person is always greeted at the door. For the door is always open unto you. When walking through the door, it is promised by him that we will live prosperous, in happiness, and in pure joy. It is up to us to live, love, and rejoyce in the understanding that in the spiritual realm, everything is controlled for us, everything is what it is, that everything that happens around us is for us. It was created for us, it was sacrificed for us, and it became life and light from the darkness of death to everlasting life, FOR US! When a child understands this, that child becomes heir to the throne, prince of the one true King, given what was given unto you, the kingdom, the glory forever. How can I continue to try to make it better. What more can I do to show my love, show the happiness I have and want to give to him? I can do no more, for I know my answer, as it is written unto me. Ask, and he shall receive. Knock, and the door shall be opened. Thus said the Lord. The word of God for the people of God. Praise be to God!

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