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female
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51-59,
*iar
writes:We've all been through a lot these past two years, some more than others. We've had the pandemic, lockdowns, toxic news, job losses and business closures, personal tragedies and the like.During this, many people have given their time and energy to helping others with their struggles, often while enduring hardships of their own.To every single one of you, to those who have submitted questions, those who have answered them, contributed articles, a heartfelt thank you to all of you.If you need to talk to someone, but don't have a particular question, post something anyway. Sometimes these threads where folks can have a conversation can be the most interesting, and it would help us feel a little less isolated. Whatever you're going through, you're not the only one, and it won't last forever. And again, thank you! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2022): From the original poster, anonymous with hysterectomy and churg strauss. Ciar, most of the people who live near us are older than us. Yet they are also fitter and less frail and have more energy than us - as we both have chronic illness. We tend to keep ourselves to ourselves with them because they are the short who will go on and on for hours about their ingrowing toe nail, their latest cold, all little tiny health things that are of no consequence in the grand scheme of things, or expect us to help them to do their housework, this really is a cheek as they have plenty of money and there are a lot of people in our area who do that if you pay them. And they have big families full of youngsters who could help them with it. We don't. We sometimes have to pay for help ourselves. Anyway we both work full time and struggle to keep on top of our own things. They are only interested in us when it is to moan about their latest back ache or to rope us in as unpaid labour, so it is better not to bother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2022): From anon the original poster.Thank you wise owl, it is good that you understand. Though I must point out that most of our neighbours have a lot of company and are not that frail, despite being older than us.Where we married late in life and have no children most of them have a lot of children and grandkids and friends. Anyway, I am far more frail than them and struggle more than them physically. The trouble with mentioning you have an illness is that people automatically say "I know what you can do" and launch into a monologue about what will help you - even though most of the people who do this had never heard of the illness before and get it all wrong. It's better then to not mention it to people. Anyway I don't want to bore them. People always assume you are unhappy because you are waiting for them - your knight in shining armour to appear with all of the answers! Believe me I am astute and knowledgeable and so is my husband, we could work those things out for ourselves. You don't get far with a doctor when you have cs, it takes years and battering on doors and shouting to get them to understand you do not have just another cold, just a pain in the foot, just sores in your mouth etc. You get all sorts of symptoms which constantly change and most doctors never connect them even when you point all this out to them. In the meantime you get worse.I had to diagnose this myself and it took a long time for doctors to see I was right.wiseowl I am not religious. Meditation is great, so is mindfulness, so is knowledge - knowledge is power. Making the right decisions as and when needed is the key to any problem. Not just waiting to see how things turn out but to take control as much as you can. Wishing you all a happy 2022 and good health, especially wise owl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2022): God's blessing to you anonymous reader!
I can fully understand how you feel about discussing your medical issues with others, as I have a sister who deals with lupus; who has expressed pretty much everything you've touched on in your post. She doesn't need sympathy, she enjoys uplifting conversation. She has a doctor to consult when she needs medical advice.
Please don't be offended by the elderly folk, older-people who aren't as active, or don't get as much company as the rest of us have to spend a lot of time at the doctor; and some only have their aches and pains to keep them company. They mean no harm, and it's just what comes with age.
It's not necessarily complaining to express how you feel, it's also venting. That too is therapeutic and part of a healing process. No-one should suffer alone in silence. It's nice to be sympathetic of your husband, but he knows the reality of your illness; and bearing silence doesn't change that.
I pray a lot, because that brings me comfort. It gives me a divine peace; and I spend a lot of time praying for others. I will surely remember your post in my prayers, and ask our good Lord to bring you comfort and healing. You don't have to believe what I believe for me to pray for your healing.
If you do believe, include prayer and meditation as a part of your daily routine. God loves hearing from us, and He's the best Healer in the multiverse.
Peace be with you! May Jesus place his Healing Hands on you as you undergo your surgery.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2022): Anon who is having the hysterectomy and churg strauss says. Thank you so much for the warm comforting replies. It means a lot to me. There is only one medication for cs, steroids, you are supposed to take them for at least two years gradually lessening the dose until you stop or go on a maintenance dose. Doctors hate to give them to patients so you rarely get them. They say that they can cause all sorts - thinning bones etc - yes they can. But not if you educate yourself and take care. I make sure I take vitamin d, vitamin k and calcium so there is no fear there and so on. The meds you get for asthma are able to do the same harm and are a lot less helpful. I once got these steroids from abroad secretly and know for a fact they help while you take them. No there are no suitable forums for this. Everyone has it differently! Most in the forums are young and cannot relate to me. And keep trying to give me advice I do not need, despite politely reminding them I do not need it.I am in my 60s and work from home, own my own business.I could retire but choose not to, this gives me a purpose and means I use my brain. The people in the area are neighbours, mostly older than us. Family live abroad and we are rarely able to meet up with them, but we zoom.It gets pretty lonely. Hubby has just retired. Thanks again for your replies have a nice day.
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reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 February 2022):
 Hey Anon,
I hope you get your surgery soon. I had a hysterectomy 4 year ago it made a huge difference. For one, I am no longer anemic and fatigued 24/7. The hormone patches are itchy and annoying but better than before.
I hope you find a doctor who can find the best meds for the Churg Strauss (I also had to google it) because that sucks.
Have you found a forum for people suffering from Churg Strauss? It might be an outlet to talk about it? And maybe some have tried meds that helped and you can talk to your doctor about it? It's an idea at least.
Hope you are doing Ok.
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reader, Ciar +, writes (18 February 2022):
Ciar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi anonymous,
Prior to reading your post, I'd never heard of Churg Straus, so I Googled it and from what I've read I can only imagine how much pain you've been in. Over time it can wear you down physically, psychologically, and spiritually.
That's a good idea you and your husband have to a 'meet to talk' agreement. It helps to both to know the option is there, while reassuring one another that no one is bottling things up, and letting something fester.
On top of your upcoming surgery and dealing with Churg Strauss, the pandemic has further complicated things, with delays and closures, and the sense that time has become somewhat blurred the past couple of years. A lot of people are feeling the effects of prolonged isolation, even me, and that says a lot since I'm an introvert who loves time alone.
I know what you mean about the unhelpful, irrelevant and inaccurate advice, which is why I tend to keep my own counsel much of the time. Fortunately, I do have a small, solid support network, consisting of people who, like me, tend to think outside the box. Hopefully, we can offer some of that to you, even if it's just the chance to talk about your situation and 'think out loud'.
You said most of the people you know are elderly. Are these people neighbours? I assume you're either working from home remotely or not working at all. Decades ago, when we were a young couple starting out, my husband and I lived in an apartment building in a smaller town, and everyone in the building was elderly, save us, and the people in two other units, so I can appreciate how lonely that can be.
I'm cautious about asking a bunch of nosy, personal questions, so I'll let you volunteer whatever you're comfortable sharing.
Know this, you may feel alone, but you're not, and you and your husband will get through this.
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reader, mystiquek +, writes (17 February 2022):
 A lovely post Ciar. The whole world as changed so much and every single person has had to adjust. Its really been a rough 2 years and we have all suffered losses in some way shape or form. Many have had to fight through anxiety, frustration and depression. The world will never be the same and its been very hard to accept.
I am so grateful for all the lovely people who come to DC and offer their time and their wisdom and care now more than ever. Its always comforting to know that even in this crazy world you are never alone. Just reach out and ask and some lovely aunt or uncle will be there.
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reader, Ciar +, writes (17 February 2022):
Ciar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe love having you, Kenny. :)
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reader, kenny  +, writes (17 February 2022):
 Thank you Ciar. Its a real pleasure to contribute to Dear Cupid. Love and hugs to all.
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reader, Ciar +, writes (16 February 2022):
Ciar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSame to both of you, thank you. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2022): It's a give-take situation. The uncles and aunts learn as we advise. We maintain a sense of compassion and share the joy, grief, and losses of our fellow human beings.
Ciar it's an honor to help, to be a part of the group; and even when others disagree, we learn from all perspectives.
I give you all my best regards! May God protect you, bless you, and always give you peace!
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2022):
*hugs*
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2022): What a heartwarming message, thank you so much. It would be good to have some support at the moment, though I do not need advice, I am waiting for a full hysterectomy, and also struggling with another illness Churg Strauss, which causes me a lot of disability, pain, hassle and worry. It has changed my life a lot, I often get times when it is too much of a struggle or too painful to leave the house, do housework etc and my partner, bless him, always jumps in eager to do it all - despite the fact he goes to work and is busy. I find it is counter productive to keep telling my partner how bad I feel, it just worries him and drags him down too, and changes the dynamics of our relationship if you are not careful. He has had his own worries and can do without hearing me moan every time we speak. I want him to look forward to coming home to me and enjoy the time we have. So we have a rule that we will have a "meet to talk" when one of us is struggling more than usual, but not every day. I don't speak to other people I know about this - they have no idea at all - because I find they always jump in with unhelpful, irrelevant and inaccurate advice if you say anything. Anyway many of the people I know are elderly and tend to want to go on and on about their latest visit to hospital / doctor. It can get very depressing and boring listening to all this and I don't want to add to it. I've thoroughly researched both of my illnesses so don't need information or advice on the health aspects and there is nothing more I can do to improve the situation butemotional support would be much appreciated.
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