A
female
age
30-35,
*ikki21592
writes:Should I tell my partner my sexual experiences from the past? I know normally it's reallt up to the person to decide to do what they feel is right and comfortable. Normally I'm pretty open about my experiences and wouldn't mind sharing but the circumstances are a bit different in this one instance. to give some background info, one night years ago i gave a drunken bj to my sister's bf's brother. This was long before me and my partner started seeing each other but he also happens to know this person. They aren't close friends but he does see him occasionally. I've avoided the guy but am nervous about it somehow coming up by him saying something. I want to be open with my partner but also don't want to tell him and then make it really awkward or have him think less of me. Any thoughts? Should I tell him or just let sleeping dogs lie?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 November 2014):
 I forgot to add...and this is just as important as not volunteering information...
DO NOT LIE about your experiences. Even if asked, you're not obliged to tell, but you can be honest about declining to answer. Keep it brief, though because the longer your explanation the more fuel you give him (or anyone else) to work on changing your mind and the more it looks like you have to hide.
We gt just as many posts from men seriously upset to discover their wife or girlfriend lied (regardless of how small the lie is). Do NOT make this mistake.
Simply say 'I don't discuss those details and I prefer not to know yours' or something along those lines.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2014):
 The rule is that you DO NOT TELL unless asked. And if asked, you do not give away details, unless specifically asked. Those are the general rules that all go by. Giving out too much information does far more damage than good. No one wants to hear details about your past sex life...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): Leave the past in the past if you can.
If your BF knows this guy and still has some interactions with him in the present, then the guy is not "in the past" for your BF. That makes it your BF's business when you have a history with him. You don't have to get into the nitty-gritty details of what exactly went on but your BF has the right to know that you & this other guy have some physical sexual history.
The most harmful thing that can happen is the truth comes out too late and your BF ends up feeling like you and this guy have both been hiding the history from him. That would be BAD.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2014):
 I agree with Ciar.
Don't go there. You do NOT OWE your BF a detailed description of some dumb mistake from your past.
If the GUY brings it up to your BF I'd admit to doing it and tell him it was a mistake - WE ALL make those.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (3 November 2014):
 Ciar is right. Don't open up Pandora's box. You will be opening yourself to all kinds of trouble. Sometimes it is alright to leave things alone. The majority of people really dont want to know all the details about their mate's past. They may say they can handle it, but the truth is they can't. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (3 November 2014):
Please, do yourself and him a HUGE favour and let sleeping dogs lie.
Once you tell him, it will forever haunt both of you. He'll be here writing to us about how he can't get the images out of his mind and you'll never have another moments peace.
You're not obliged to tell him about this one.
And if you haven't already, you might want to re-evaluate your alcohol consumption.
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