A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,It's been a month since my ex of a year and half broke up with me. I've tried to move on so hard, but I can't. I can't stand her absence in my life.I gave her everything I had. I gave up on everything for her. I've gaven up on my life and studied so hard to become a responsible future husband for her. Now I don't have any dream, hope, strength to struggle.She seems to move on so fast. I stalk her web page once, she seems so happy with her life after the break-up. There is a guy I always was jealous, I found that he finds my ex attactive... my ex will most likely date with him... it hurts me too much.I don't have a real friend, my ex used to be the only my friend. I don't have a life. My ex was the only connection between me and the world. Now, all I can do is to call my mom and cry... then my mom cries too. My parents now wants me to drop everything (including college) and just come back home in Korea.I'm in a good business school and am double majoring in accounting and finance; if I keep studying hard in college, the success will come along. Now I don't really know to do with my life anymore. My parents want me to come home, and yet my business school wants me to take summer classes as I'm double majoring. But I don't know if I have any stength left to go through another 2 years in college.Some people tell me to find another girl, but I can't trust anyone anymore. I'm so scared of people. I'm so scared if they'll break my heart again. I never want a broken heart ever again.I'm so confused and messed in my brain. My depression is getting deeper.Dear Cupid, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Should I give up everything and go home, or should I push myself and stay in the US? Please tell me how to move on, how to live for myself, love myself, and take care of myself.I really appreciate for your time,Thank you
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broke up, jealous, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 March 2009):
 I hope you can too. Take care, and have a great Spring Break trip.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear rcn,I'm having a random random destination trip for spring break now. Although my ex has been trying to reach me in contact, but I'm trying to cut her off from my life now. Well, I hope I can find myself from this trip.I really appreciate for your help, I mean it. I thank you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 March 2009):
You know, I still wonder why I was born. I know I have purpose, but I'm not always sure what that purpose is. Over the past 7 years, I've gone from corporate management, to going back to school for law, became a reverend of a church, and began working consistently with researching behaviors. Many different directions and changes, but the direction those changes may be taking me, intertwines a portion of each direction I went. So, purpose may not always be noticeable, and it may come from directions which you aren't familiar with yet, but when the pieces fit, you'll recognize it.
I'm over 10 years older than you are, and I'm now starting to recognize what I'm suppose to be doing. During this time, I've been heartbroken. I still love my daughter's mom. Our daughter lives with me, and her mom lives 1000 miles away. Even though I desire being with, she's a good parent, and that's all I could ask for at this point. It takes time. Healing isn't a quick process, but it's necessary. I've been on depression pills as well. At times we need some assistance during the initial process. I'm now grateful for who I'm becoming. Take your time to heal, keep going in a positive direction, and the pieces will start fitting together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice, both of you.I understand everything what you say in my brain, but I think it needs a more time to accept this through my broken heart.I haven't talked to her since the break-up, but my ex called me tonight, asking me how I've been doing. We talked for an hour and a half; she wants me to live my life without her. She wants me to be happy and all. She says she still cares for me, but only as a friend now. She says I deserve a better women, and she doesn't want to commit because we're so young.Now she wants me to keep staying in the US, rather than going back to my family. She wants me to study what I wanted to study, film or 3D art rather than finance and accounting. She wants me to stop taking depression peels, for her.She does not love me anymore, I can tell from her voice and tone. She wants to stay this relationship as just friends, but if I do that, I don't think if I will ever take her back.My mom says I'm yet too good, too soft, and too weak to become an adult. I just want to get rid of this pain.Yes I need to love myself first. Now I'm wondering what I was born for?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 March 2009):
You do it because you're overcoming a challenge. We've all had heart aches. Their not easy, but they are part of learning and developing who we ultimately become. You speak high about school and getting your education. I don't think that's something you should be giving up.
We all have ways of dealing with issues, heart ache and pain. You go to a business school. Think of life somewhat as you would a business. To be successful their has to be a plan, to go from point "A" to point "B". Plans don't always work as originally written then has to be critiqued to incorporate the changes. If you have a plan to improve yourself, you'll begin to love yourself, people will be drawn toward you for friendships, and you may find the one who gladly takes you as her husband.
Ask yourself this, how can you truly love someone, if you don't first love yourself? Quite often we enter relationships to fill something we're missing. It's like a new car. Great for a while. We may feel excited and have a false sense of happiness for a while, but the car soon becomes old. When this happens in relationships, what we're missing before entering into the relationship is still present. So, then we have good intentions, but seeking the wrong outcome by being with the other person.
You're the only one who can set you in the right direction. Once you're happy, and "whole" then you can share happiness and love with someone else.
I hope this helps. Keep moving forward and live your dreams and school for yourself. If your work ends up benefiting someone else, that's a benefit, but don't do it for that benefit.
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (15 March 2009):
 Its all part of life man. Breakups happen and they hurt very bad. You need to build some self esteem and not put all of your hopes and dreams into a woman, and not expect a woman to make you happy.
If you want the blatant truth on how to heal, own up to your mistakes and responsibilities.
Never give up your life for a woman, never give up your friends.
What you need to do to move on is make some friends, start doing activities that help build your self esteem, and stay motivated in school. Living a good life is the best "revenge" for a broken relationship. Do not let this woman control your feelings anymore. You are free now to grow as a person, consider this an opportunity.
Time will make you feel better. Expect it to take half as long as you were dating, in your case it might be up to a year before you feel good about life again.
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