A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd just like to know your opinions on "teen mums". If the legal age to have sex (in the UK) is 16, why do parents age 16-20 get frowned upon? Also what age do you think is appropriate to be a grandparent? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BethBabes +, writes (25 March 2009):
 i agree with what others have said but just thouht i'd say that my nan was a nan at 34! and my mum ot prenant a 17 and she doesnt reret it one bit, my sister was the makin of her. so it depends really. its all an opinion thin tbh :)
A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Sex and having a baby are 2 different things.
A child cannot support a baby because they do not have the following:
Maturity
Real World Understanding
Financial support
Education
These are all very important things that any parent should have before having a child. The first 3 being absolutes with education being important for child development.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Very wise, you'll never regret it! Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the opinions, my partner and i have decided to wait mainly for these reasons, i have a friend who unfortunately is one of these mothers who lives off the state. And although her daugher makes her extremely happy (and i know it sounds awful) but i look at her and think how can you be content knowing tax payers are looking after you and your family!
My partner and i are settled in our own home and both have jobs we enjoy. We have wanted a baby for years but i dont want to fall into the "teen mum" category & hope to have savings behind us, a nice car and are financially (more) stable than we are now.
we had already made our decision before i posted the question but before i do anything i usually ask advise off so many people! I guess im just nosey.
But thanks to all who gave the time to reply even though there are many many people on here with problems
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 March 2009):
The age of consent is 16 in the uk, but that doesn't mean that a 16 year old is not a child.
And a since having a baby is such a terribly difficult thing to do, we don't trust children to do it right.
Also, what 16 yearold is working enough to support a partner and baby and pay rent and bills and for food and nappies?
They are not. You show me a pair of even 17 yearolds who are living alone with a child and supporting themselves, and I will show you a thousand who are living off state handouts and / or mummy and daddy.
Another thing is that when you are a teenager you should be going out into the world and learning, travelling, finding out who you are, going to university, establishing a career, meeting people making friends.
Not sat at home breastfeeding and being bored out of your skull because all your other friends are out and you can't get a babysitter.
You should also take a look at all the questions on here along the lines of "We got married at 18, but now I'm 21 and don't like him any more." You change a LOT between 16 and 22. So if in that time you go and tie yourself to a boy by having his baby, then you are stuck with him for 20 years and you may really grow to hate him in that time.
There are just far better times to be a parent than when you are a child.
And as for grandparents... you should be old enough to know your kids are old enough to be parents.
My dad is in his late 50's and told me that he doesn't want to be a grandad for a good few years yet.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 March 2009):
 I think the reason this gets frowned upon is because while techincally someone in that age range is legally allowed to have sex, they are still a teenager and therefore they should be at school, college or uni, or at least working towards a career rather than having children. If you are aged 16-20 the liklihood is that they wont have the money to support a child, the maturity and resonsibility to raise a child, they wont have a full time job to bring in the money, they wont be married or have a stable long term partner, and often they will rely upon their parents to support them when raising the child.
In some instances a young adult/teenager may be in a position where they are ready for a child but to be honest, I have never met anyone at this age who is ready. Even my friends who are 21-22 are still too young - they end up having babies, the guy leaves and they have no money and have to drop out of uni/work etc.
I believe that if you really want a child, then you will want to do the best for that child. And the best for a child is to have a mummy and a daddy who live together (ideally married), who love each other, who both have jobs that bring in a good amount of money and who have careers that will allow for progression within the job. It is irresponsible to bring a child into this world when there is so much uncertainty in their parents life - and uncertainty is the main theme of your teenage years and into your early 20's.
I can understand that young people age 16+ and into their early 20's might have a long term boyfriend/girlfriend and think it is a good idea to have a baby together, but this only works in theory not in reality. Too many things can change at this age, you dont know where life is going to take you. And there should be no rush to have a baby - it is such a serious responsibility and at a young age (16-20) you should be out having fun and enjoying life rather than being responsible for a baby. If you really love your partner and believe you will be together forever then a baby can wait a few more years, young couples should just enjoy being together just the two of them.
As for an appropriate age to be a grandparent, well this all depends on how young you have kids! I know I would hate to be called "grandma" before the age of 50, it would make me feel so old! But it is all a personal thing, entirely down to whoever you are speaking to.
In my opinion the ideal age range to be getting pregnant (once your married) is from 23-30, so you are young enough to enjoy your children and be able to run around after them! Yet you also have the maturity and responsbility, and the finaces (normally) to be able to provide for your child and bring the child up properly. So if you work off this age range, then your child might have a child at the same age (23-30) so you will be a grandparent at around 46-60.
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 March 2009):
I feel sorry for teen moms. Usually it was an "accident" and the fathers have bailed on them so they are forced to raise the kids themselves. A very hard job even with a loving father at your side. They miss the parties, dances,hanging out, just miss being a young person free to enjoy their youth. Sad.
I'm a grandmother of 6 so I guess I'd say the perfect age for that is when your children have had a wonderful young adulthood and have found the right person to settle down with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Well it's kind of like saying that if you have your period at 12, and your boyfriend is able to ejaculate proper sperm when he's ten, then you should be able to be parents. The sad thing is that bodies mature before minds do. Just having sex doesn't entitle you to procreate. Just having genitals doesn't mean you have to have sex.
Young parents get frowned upon because older people remember what they were like when they were that young (ie: how stupid they were!) and cringe at the thought that that person will now be a parent. Just remember, they have been both teenagers and adults. You have only ever been a teenager, and so you have only one way of understanding the argument.
Look, just read through all these irritating letters on this forum about girls who cannot even write the question out properly, but are saying that they want to be parents. They have no partner, no parental support, no schooling, no job, and yet they have this crazy idea that they should take on the responsibility for another person.
Something to think about: the average age of the mother when she has her first child rises the more educated the mother is. Children born to older mothers test as more intelligent. The number of children correlates strongly with low "socio-economic status", which means, bluntly, that people who are poorer, have more kids. Now these are really broad generalizations and the studies done to get these results are of course up for interpretation.
If you're trying for a baby, PLEASE think it through properly. Not by yourself, but with your parents and your partner involved.
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