A
female
age
36-40,
*oose33
writes:I know this is long, but I would really appreciate your help with this. This took place over years and I have to put everything in a few paragraphs...Like many of the cases mentioned on this site, mine also involves a teacher in high school. However, I am not a high school student anymore. It's been a while since I finished college and nearly 5 years since I last saw this teacher. I had this teacher for the final two years of my high school career and I began to grow very attached to her. This was about the time that I was discovering my bisexuality and was coming to terms with it. This teacher would not only praise me academically (I was a good student), but also spend considerable time with me outside the classroom. By that I mean, lunch time, break, before school and after school. She also started the gay, straight alliance club at our school and held an "informational session" with her gay friends talking to students about homosexuality in order to "educate" us. However, she never actually said that she was gay herself.I admired her, I liked her and I believe that my attachment gradually grew into a sense of love (I know you'll call it infatuation). But I was pretty mature for my age, I tried to get to know her as a person. That included her ideas, her personality, her likes and dislikes. Gradually, I did not attempt to hide my feelings for her. I would stare at her and tell her that I "adore" her. She would smile back and breathe deeply. She would always look at me with adoring eyes, always attentively listening to what I had to say and my ideas. She told me in many occasions how "amazing" she thought I was (and a lot of body language signals that I cannot describe by words). One day my friend and I were talking before school and she was listening and laughed at something I said, and then she looked into my eyes and said, " oh you guys are so smart and funny..." and I could see that she stopped herself before saying the third adjective.My senior year was pretty much spent with her. She would allow me to skip my other classes just to be in her class and around her. And no, that didn't jeapordize my school. I was a senior and I was already accepted to a top university. She let me help her with looking through papers or helping her students with their essays and such...She treated me like an equal, and this was to an extent that one of the teachers in the school actually thought that I was a "teacher-trainee" and she was shocked to hear that I was in fact a high school student! The feeling she had given me was that even though I couldn't be with her romantically, she was my friend, a very good and understanding friend. But this relationship became strange at the end of my senior year before my graduation. The last day of graduation, she almost completely ignored me and that broke my heart. Later that day, she wrote me an email apologizing, an email that I deleted due to my anger. Something that was also very strange to me was that when other kids in the class gave her their pictures or their pictures with her, she would take them and put them on her wall behind her desk. But when i gave her our only picture together the last day of school, she barely looked at it and kept busy with her paper work. The sudden change of attitude the last few days of school made me very confused. But I tried to move on.Three months after my graduation, I went to visit my high school and well, her. She told me,"you can't just come here anymore." When I asked why, she paused, stared at me and in a weak voice said, "because I can't be friends with my students". I just didn't understand that. Here was a person that led me on to believeing that we WERE friends for two years...and in fact before telling me off that day she had just told me how two of my previous classmates had invited her to coffee and how she enjoyed seeing them again! 4 years passed and I had nearly forgotten about her, until I dreamed of her and everything started to come back to me slowly. (By the way, i am in a happy, healthy relationship now, I have a career and friends), but I don't understand why I couldn't stop thinking about her. It was as if there was something unfinished. So I wrote her an email asking if I could ask her to have coffee or lunch or something with me. She wrote back that she would love to meet up and catch up and she asked how i had been and how she feels old because I had already graduated from college and everything. Then when i wrote back to her, I got no answer. I wrote again, no answer. I waited another 4 months and wrote again, no answer. I even tracked my email to make sure that she had received them, and the system told me that my mail had been opened, but no answer. I was going crazy. Then I wrote her a long email explaining my feelings for her except for the romantic love part. I made it clear to her that I just needed to come into terms with myself and that I didn't expect anything. But no answer. Then I was about to go crazy, so I wrote her and told her that I was going to visit her at her school because I assumed that she wasn't receiving my emails. THEN she writes to me saying that "that would be inappropriate and unprofessional" and that she asks me to "refrain from further contact of any sort". I have been very confused in the recent months. I don't understand her behavior at the time i was back in high school and I don't understand her behavior now. Why can't she just meet with me and resolve whatever there is like adults? At the least, why can't she just listen to what I have to say?I would really appreciate receiving your comments on this. Do you think she loved me romantically? I cannot explain her irrational behavior in any other way...please help.Thank you.P.S. she's not married and doesn't have kids.
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male
reader, romance_boy18  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 glad i helped in someway. friendships come and go but the memories of the time spent together will always remind us of how great they were.
A
female
reader, moose33 +, writes (9 June 2009):
moose33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your helpful comments. The more I hear your thoughts, the more I am at peace. I guess the main reason why I have been so "agonized" was because I needed to know if the two years we spent together weren't all some kind of an illusion. I guess I needed to know that what she showed and expressed to me was real. Her recent behavior made me question the validity of her feelings and actions. But your comments have shed a new light on this situation, and I am beginning to come into terms with this and myself.
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A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (9 June 2009):
Because even the slightest hint of impropriety can cause her to loose her teaching position.
Even if you just want to meet as friends, chat, talk about old times and nothing about starting a relationship it can still cause problems with her career. I've known people who have been fired because of rumors that were started about them that absolutely were not true. It doesn't matter, even the suspicion of wrong doing can cause her to loose her job, and I bet she doesn't want to take that chance. Even if she has the same exact feelings for you that you have for her.
You know what else I just though of..... maybe something like this has happened to her before in her past as a teacher and she was warned. Heck, she could of been warned by her boss about the relationship you two had while you were still in high school.
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A
female
reader, moose33 +, writes (9 June 2009):
moose33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHolikdad, I appreciate your "logic". But last time I checked, there is nothing illegal about meeting your old teacher. I never told her I wanted to have sex with her. I don't understand why you have to take it that far... or why should she for that matter. We could have met in public, in an appropriate fashion. The fact that she refuses to see me or "hides" behind emails, doesn't make sense at all. Her behavior suggests to me that she, in fact DOES have other intentions. Otherwise, why would she consider seeing me inappropriate?
Others are welcome to comment on this as well...
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A
male
reader, holikdad +, writes (8 June 2009):
Of course she acted "weird". SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LOOSE HER JOB. Having a sexual relationship with a minor student would cause her to loose her job, teaching credential, and lively hood. She would never be able to work as a teacher again, and if someone filed charges she'd have to register as a sex offender. Even if you start a relationship now her co-workers will suspect that something was happening between you two during high school. For someone with high academic mark's you're pretty ignorant about societies laws and rules.
Move on, you're in a relationship so why jeopardize it?
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (5 June 2009):
 another teacher/ supervisor probably told her off for spending too much time with you, and so now she's afriad to resume your relationship.
i think it's a rather jerky move on her part. if she's not even going to explain herself you should forget about her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Hiya,
I actually think that you are in the right here. She should be adult enough to explain to you wht the situation is, and why she is acting like this with you.
I was going to suggest writing an e-mail to her, but then i read the last paragraph, and at the moment it does not seem like there is anything you can do, because you have tried hard enough. You have acted like an adult, and i believe you deserve to know why she is acting this way with you. This reply wasn't really to give you advice as it seems like you are handling everything well, but it was just to say that you are in the right, and i believe that you will be able to work things out in the end.
I think that you should keep trying, and don't give up as you deserve to know...
Good Luck xox
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A
male
reader, romance_boy18 +, writes (4 June 2009):
by the sound of it, she probably did have feelings toward you but she didnt want to act of them because if something did happen between the 2 of you, it could jeopardise her career as a teacher even if you did graduate. you have to look in her perspective if something were to happen if you had a relationship, you were her student and if any of her friends found out, think of the ackward situation she would be in. a teacher that fell in love with a student. by the way both of you had a close friendship and her involvement with the gay/straight club thing, theres a good chance she is bi or gay and if she was then she may have fallen for you. she didnt act on her feelings because it couldve conflicted with her job or another reason but in my opinion, she did grow feelings for you but ignored them and didnt act on them.
hope i helped hun!
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