A  ,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,please help me! I'm a young woman of 20, size 10-12 clothes who used to be a bit larger and lost a lot of weight this year through being on the Atkins diet and taking some strong tablets which I had to come off because they made me ill after 3 months of being on them. The thing is, I am always told that I am really pretty, and when I'm at parties and social events I get a lot of attention from boys, but I STILL feel ugly! I wake up in the morning and feel like I'm getting really fat again and like I shouldn't go out. I'm still on the Atkins diet, and I have just started taking strong weight loss pills again after giving myself a break. I feel threatened by women who are thinner than me. Even though I only started dieting to lose a bit of weight, it has now spun out of control and I don't think there's any way that I can stop it. I'm in a safe place with my body weight at the moment (being a 10-12) but my terror of gaining an ounce is stopping me living healthily and I'm determined to reach size 8. I'm so critical of myself when I know I shouldn't be- everyone reacts to me the positive way I want and it's just NEVER enough! I seem to have this hatred for myself that I can't get rid of and I hate how self obsessed I've become. It's taking over my life.Thanks for your time everyone, any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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female
reader, Lzavmon03 +, writes (12 October 2005):
 Hi there, First of all you need to know and embrace the fact that you are a unique, multifaceted individual who has qualities that are very special. The question to ask yourself is how long are you going to put yourself down until you think you're "good enough"? You need to be your own best friend and dress and feel the way that will amke you feel good and the way you want others to treat you...and this is whether or not your body fits the rigid expectations you put on yourself and also the negative messages that society bombards us everyday. Skiinny mini's aren't the ones who ave all the fun--and they don't have fun because they're skinny--it's because they are confident in the way they look and are comfortable in their own skins. Any woman of nay size can have these qualities too. You just have to be healthy body and mindset about yourself--you're not obese and even if you were-change has to come from a base of love...that you wnat to lose weight because you will have more energy, be able to do work for longer periods of time, andimprove the state of your internal organs and alos give you a sense of accomplishment that you can make a goal and get to it. Change can't from hatred of your body or as a form of punshment--you'll only get negative results. To change your thoughts to positive ones isn't easy, but with practice you'll be able to unlearn all the negative hardwiring you've been so used to. I was or am in a similar situation such as yours--only guess what? I'm a size 8 and still not happy, lol, although I have accepted myself and know I'm morethan a worthy person, I know that being a certain size isn't going to open doors for you or amke people treat you any diferently. When you constantly compare yourself to other people you'll ALWAYS come up short--it's better to just develop yourself to the fullest because you are different---you aren't a girl in the assembly line of millions that all ahve the same ratio and oops! there goes a deective girl--NO WAY! We are all different from different backgrounds and cultures, colors, sizes...the variations are mind-boggling! Would it make sense to say a pineapple is better than a peach? No, because they are different fruits, yet both are delicious and have their own different qualties that make them so. Men are attracted to a woman with confidence, a person he would like to hang around with because she feels good about heself and doesn't need to compare herself to others or put others down to make herself feel better. She has an inner calm security--and that is very appealing. He's attracted to a woman with goals in her life, with her own talents, intellignce and heart. He'll love any package these qulaities are held in--because these are intangible objects that never get wrinkled with age, never die, and never lessen with time. He'll treasure you because of that and value and love his treasure. When you are confident, men will recognize you're not insecure about yourself or too self-conscious to notice anyone else--when you wlak into a room just think (and believe!) you are beautiful. Be interested in what other people have to say, be friendly, have a smile, don't worry about how you look--talk to other people and involve yourself with them instead of being hung up about yourself. Not only will you get to know more people (and possible love inerests) but you'll send the message that you are approachable, interesting and interested inw aht others have to say--een if you aren't 100% confident, people will know you are a great person to be around with--and will wnat to know more about you. Don't let yourself fall into a rut of self-loathing...be active, there's no reason for you NOT to participate in your own life---I made a list of things I like about myself (no physical stuff, just things like I'm kind and open minded...) and I posted it on my bedroom door so I can them and believe them everyday, maybe you ould try doing something like that to make sure you know and remind yourself you have beautiful qualties about yourself you're not recognizing because you're basing it all on weight and size...don't let these things stop you from enjoying life. God bless.
A
female
reader, Pinky Poos +, writes (12 October 2005):
Firstly honey let me just say how brave you were to write this all down.
I think you know what my advice is going to begin with and that is that you should go and talk to your doctor.
What if I could tell you that what you are feeling right now could disapear with medication, treatment or counselling-you'd want it to right?
It sounds to me like you maybe have a little depression and possibly signs of anorexia and although I still feel you are in control at the moment, I think you need to take action before that changes.
I'm no doctor and I have only read a short letter from you, which is why it's so important to see a fully qualified doctor.
You know as well as I do that a size 10/12 is healthy and you are also taking in the fact that you are recieving all this male attention, but no matter how much a person is complimented-you cannot love someone who does not love themself.....
Please talk to someone about this and learn how to find love for yourself before all you have to offer dissapears and you no longer recognise yourself.
Good luck sweetie.
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