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female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I have been having issues for the last year re the amount of time he spends at work (most days 10 hours). We have 3 young children and I gave up my career to stay home and look after them. Christmas is coming up and so are all the work Christmas parties my husband attends without me. This drives me mad as we rarely get the chance to go out together ourselves. As my husband is a manager in this company he attends 3 or more parties in the weekends coming up to Christmas. He says he has to go and that they are not for partners but I know he laps it up because the majority of employees are young, single girls who, after being plied with free drink, are all over him. He has accused me of trying to control his life and stop him having fun, but I just feel totally taken for granted as a free babysitter and housekeeper. I am only 32 and feel like my life is shit.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2005): If your husband is trying to have fun, then I question where your husbands priorities are. Any fun should be with his family and family only. You should either be invited to the Christmas parties or think about if you
can trust your husband. Maybe he feels that he doesn't want his wife at the parties "keeping an eye" on him while he has fun. That is wrong, if that is what you sense then I would be very suspicious. But I would not smuther him too much as he would drift further away.
Communication is key! Trust is key! If you have not already you should tell him your feeling and thoughts and your intentions if any. He should tell you his thoughts and feelings and what he is trying to accomplish. He has to prove to you that you can trust him. If he can't do that it speaks for itself. Especially during Christmas time, come on, it's a party, who doesn't bring their spouse to a party. It's not like it's a business meeting.
Also I ask you if either of you have had any disception before this problem started? It doesn't sound like it in this case but that would cause a major trust issue for the current problem.
I know this is going to sound hard but, since your husband brings home the money, he is paying his dues and he may feel like he needs to be rewarded. And coming home to a "housekeeper" does not sound appealing for someone working really hard for his family.
I am not suggesting to stop doing what your doing, putting the kids first is what your doing. You have to find out what he is doing. Please take care of you emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually. You need that so your kids can have their mothers full attention when it's their time. Comminicate every step of the way with your husband and be honest, and he should do the same. Arguing gets nowhere.
I hope you find peace in your heart to know that you are doing the right thing by wanting to talk with him. Your husband is the one that has to fix his problem of needing to have fun without you. Hopefully this note was helpful!!
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