A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I am leaving for the military in just under 4 months. I am older (mid 20's) and have been working for this for years and am dead set on going. About eight months ago, I made the decision then and there not to date. I wasn't in a relationship, and I didn't think it would be fair to me or a girl to get into one just as I was leaving. Fast forward to today. I am head over heels for someone. I feel more strongly about someone than I did a girl I almost asked to marry me. We aren't dating, we aren't having sex, but we have both expressed mutual interest on multiple levels and we are spending as much time together as possible. But we also have mutual worries with me leaving.So, my question is, what would you do in my position? Or, what would you recommend I do?
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male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (30 December 2011):
LDR's are definitely possible; lots of people in the military go through them. However, the person you are dating has to be very stong and willing while you are away. That may be something that's hard to gauge in someone you just started to get to know.
Have you expressed this concern to her? Maybe she has something to say on the matter as far as whether or not she thinks things could work. More importantly, do YOU think a LDR could work for you? If not, don't kid yourself into trying it out if you're certain its not something you can do.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 You've discovered that you can't control feelings...
How long are you going to be away for? I suggest you tell her that you and her can keep in touch while you are away and see what happens. If you fall for each other further, even through being apart, then get together in long distance. But go SLOW. Keep options open, don't tell her that directly, but tell her instead that if she meets someone else she gets interested in to just give you a heads up so you know. This will imply that you expect her to be exclusive (sexually), but still keeping her eyes open for other potential dates.
If you are coming back in a year or two, then you and her might develop something. If you will be gone 5+ years then cut all ties.
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A
female
reader, Charl.bri  +, writes (30 December 2011):
My boyfriends leaving for the army in eight months and we will try to make it work, it took discussing and compromise but if you truly want to be together you can make it work :) good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): Thats life for you!
I would definately not give up on the military,not when it's been your goal for so long.
You two definately need to talk, if this relationship is going to develop then the big question is - is she prepared to have the inevitable seperations?
.. and also, do you want to have a girl waiting for you,are you prepared to be faithful to her?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2011):
 LDRS CAN work when there is a GOOD reason for being apart (such as work/schooling etc) and there is an END in sight...
IF you are not dating and not yet having sex I think you need to
a. continue this friendship and see what happens
b. DISCUSS with the lady what you would both like to do
if the military is going to be your career now, then she may have to decide if she wants to follow you later on... (must be part of your discussion) and if so when... etc etc etc.
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