A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok this is gonna sound really weird but anyways.i met this guy a couple of months ago and we both hit it off. a few days later he told me that he was a member of swingers club i was like oh cool. it doesnt really bother me i was happy that he was honest with me and told me out right. the reason i dont care is that im bad girl myself we have made it known to each other that whatever happens in these clubs stay there, its a kinda rush game sought of thing.well anyways 2 months ago he said he loved me i was a bit shocked and didnt know what to say.. he has now started hinting at building a future together and stuff like that. i also know that the last month he has not been to the club he phones and we talk or hang out together instead.now this scares me we r both free birds otherwise he would never even belong to the club, and he stopped going is that because he is so in love with me? is it possible that such pple could fall in love so much that they give away there thrills for one person?i mean im like that too and i like him alot if im really honest with myself id say i loved him back but i dont know if im willing to give up my freedom how can i? and it makes me feel a bit guilty too. that he has stopped and i still do. plse help cause i feel really confused
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 You've only been dating a couple months. That's no time at all to be thinking of a future together - which he has begun to do.
It takes time - like about a year, at least - to begin to get an idea as to how compatible two people really are. You have to allow time for the initial "rush" of infatuation to die down, because while its operating you will both have a hard time seeing each other as you really are - good qualities, not-so-good, and maybe (but hopefully not) any downright deal breakers......
You recognize its much too soon. The fact that he's given up going to the club, and you haven't is likely to be a source of real contention between you. You had better talk it over with him, and make up your mind whether you like him enough to pursue a possible relationship, or whether your freedom is more important to you......
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Well I would start off by telling him that you love him back. That would make him feel so much better and feel like he is excepted for being himself. When he says that he loves you and earlier before he said this he was aware as were you that you liked to play dirty which I find awesome. anyway it was his choice to stop going to these clubs and he hasn't asked you to stop going either so your still free. Maybe you can go to these places together and experiment that way to get some more thrills.
As for the question can they give up there thrills for one person, I would give up much more than just what makes me excited to be with the girl of my dreams. She makes me feel so good that nothing in the world even comes close. if it were between winning the mega lottery and being with her so long as she is happy I would be with her. She makes my world go round and what I love the most about her is she makes me feel like the king of the world. I want to show her off and love to just sit and listen to what she says and how her day goes.
Love does some strange things to people and mentally it has screwed me over sometimes but when you think of the person who is special to you its always worth it.
I hope this helps a little
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (12 November 2010):
 WOW!! I had to look around and think for a minute I felt like somebody was looking into my heart, and my soul! I'm going through this exact same thing. I think two people have met and know what both were searching for and have found it, in each other. Is it "LOVE" In the TRUE sense of the WORD? Depends on who's defining it. Only you and him can define what LOVE is for your relationship. As for me I think it's past LUST, I've been there, and this ain't LUST at all we barely talk about SWINGING. We talk about the things that lead up to SWINGING. Now that's sound like what I DEFINE AS LOVE! I sure hope it's LOVE for you!
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (12 November 2010):
Is it possible he wants to 'give away his thrills for you?' Absolutely. Maybe that's his way of proving to you he doesn't need or want anyone but you. But you shouldn't think of him as giving away something he wants because it's unlikely he thinks of it that way as well.
I think you need to have a serious talk with him because it sounds like he does have serious feelings for you. I mean he doesn't want to spend time with anyone else, he wants to spend it with you. If you can reciprocate those feelings, great. If not, then I think he deserves to know rather than spend his time going after something that might never happen.
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A
female
reader, woopwoop  +, writes (12 November 2010):
right to be honest with you love i think that you should arrange to meet up with this guy and talk. just say that you are really greatful for what hes willing to do to make the relationship but just tell him he doesnt have to give up and change anything for you as you dont really want to give up your freedom just yet. your young, you want to have a bit of fun. if he cares and really loves you as he as said then he would fully understand and wait until you are willin to be committed to the relationship you two share.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (12 November 2010):
I guess he's tired of the swinging scene or being with you is just more exciting than doing that. If he's already had the attitude that it's okay to share women he's involved with, he's probably not going to revert all the way back to being your typical jealous, possessive loser. If he asks you to stop going, then you're going to have a problem. Until then, there's no reason you can't build a future and fall in love and continue to be a swinger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): No, it's not possible that he's in love with you and has decided to change his ways. This man doesn't know what love is. His greatest priority in life is sex, otherwise, he wouldn't frequent a swinger's club.
I'd bet that something else pressing came up in his life or maybe he's short on money and can't afford the club right now.
As for you, you don't love him either or else you'd gladly give up your "thrills" for him. There are more important things in life than sex and thrills.
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