A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online about 2 or 3 months ago and we went on our first date a few days back. Had a great time and find myself attracted to him but I'm sensing that the feeling is not mutual. I want to start building a relationship that leads to love and I think he wants a fuck buddy. Do I become his lover and hope he'll start seeing me for more then just a piece of ass or risk scaring him off by telling him how I feel about him?That's problem #1. My second delima is that things between us are moving at a snail's pace. I've figured that his job takes up most of his time and I'll be selfish I demand it because his line of duty involves helping others. We don't talk on a regular basis at times he let two weeks pass before makes contact...once he was quiet for a month but he eventually called and explained why (it was a poor excuse).I'm not the type of girl who obsess about always texting and calling a guy until we become an official couple. I don't know if he's following my lead by not making contact or if it's just another way that proofs we're on two different pages in our 'relationship'.Once again I'm affraid that I'll scare him off if I start to seem clingy or stalkerish by calling and texting him often. The way thing are going feels like we're still total strangers.What do you guys think? It always helps to hear the opinion of a neutral, unbiased person to gain some perspective and make sense of a situation.Thanks for reading!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again! Thanks you all for your answers...they're are ver helpful. I just want to respond to the questions two of you asked me.@Bettyb I'm 99.9% certain that he's not in a commited relationship because he seemed sincere when I asked him about his relationship status. But I'm not as certain about him looking for other women on the net. He may be doing that because that's how we met.@TennisStar88, on our date he had this tendancy to lean back on his chair, look slightly away and smile shyly before answering something that seems too personal. I found this extremely cute but because he answered my questions even though they were personal, I don't think he's shy at all.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 If he's not putting forth the effort, letting 2 weeks pass before contact then that tells me he's not that interested. Now, if he's just looking for fun then you're not going to get past just sex..Sex=sex, it doesn't equal a relationship. You would be just fuck buddies, not strings attached deal, never anything more. That's up to you if you can handle one of those. However, in your case I'd advise against it seeing as you like him. Also, it's very possible there's not ENOUGH contact in this relationship. You seem to be playing the waiting game of who's turn is it to call or text..but neither of you want to make the first move. Did he seem shy?
I think you should talk to him, yes make the move, and see what he wants to do with this situation. You're not in a relationship, you're in the grey area of seeing each other. Get down to the bottom of this, and don't be afraid to say you want a relationship.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Hi well first of if you have a gut feeling that he is only after sex then dont give it to him to soon, because he will only look at you then as a sex buddy, you need to hold back and if he asks you tell him you want to get to know him better before you sleep with him this should tell you if he is only after one thing, if you give him sex to soon he is not going to appreciate you he is just going to look you up for sex thats the sad truth, so dont give it to him until you meet up some more and tell him you want to take things at a steady pace and you want to meet him more and have more regular contact before you think of sleeping with him, if he doesnt accept this then your better off without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Your gut instinct is probably correct. We women always know when a man is really into us and when he's not. We can feel it.
I suggest that you don't tell him what you're after in a relationship yet. It's way too soon and will surely scare him away. Most men are afraid of commitment. But don't become his sexual partner either. If he's truly interested in you, he'll stick around even if you're not sleeping with him.
So wait to sleep with him, when and if, you're certain that your feelings are returned. Otherwise, he'll likely dump you after he gets what he wants.
His feelings for you will never grow through sex. It has to come from the heart through shared experiences, joy you feel with each other, a deep inner connection, and attraction.
His silence and lack of contact is also not good. If he was really into you, he wouldn't let a day pass without giving you a call or emailing you. This tells me that he puts you on the back burner for other things in his life. And that's not a good place to be.
In fact, he could even be looking for women on the net soley for sex. Perhaps he's already in another relationship or even married. Are you certain that he's not?
I think it's a good idea that you're not calling or texting him. Let him come after you if that's what he truly wants. And you're right. Contacting him would scare him off and make you come off as pushy. So continue to do what you're doing.
You say it feels like you don't know him. You really don't know him. He hasn't been in your life long enough, and you've only met him in person once.
I suggest that, right now, you just give this some time and see where it goes.
Good luck!
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