A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here is the situation. About 2 yrs. ago my wife tells me that she is not in love with me anymore and that we should separate. The next day she wants to take back what she said and work on our marriage. So I agree. Anyways, My wife is very big on talking to her friends on the phone so she spends quite a lot of time on our patio chatting it up. One night (about a month and a half later) while she was phone I was walking through the kitchen when she received a text on her cell phone. Now normally I would not snoop, but It was there so I looked at the text. I should mention that her phone is lockedso was only able to see the one message, but the content was enough to make become suspicious. I couple of days later I confronted her about it . She said it was a cousin for hers (a girl). But I kept at herand eventually she told me that it was actually a friend of ours from a group of friends we hang out with. Basically they were exchanging messages to make each other feel good. I told that it was inappropriateand they should stop. I also asked if she was cheating. She assured me that she was not because she had such a low self-esteem and she doesn’t think I like the way she looks let alone anyone else.So we worked thing out.Fast Forward to one week ago. I accidentally found a parking receipt to a place I know she would never go, during a time when she knew I would be busy.I got me thinking “Is something really going on?”. It got me thinking about her behaviour. She never talks to me about any interesting things that she does during her day. She doesn’t like it if I am near her while she is on the phone and sometimes she’ll just end the call. I found stuffed animals around (I know I haven’t given them to her.) There is no possible way I could see the phone bill or her credit card bill because she stopped paper bills a few years ago. So I would have to ask for those. We haven’t shared the same bed in at least five years and have had no sex in 2.5 yrs. She blames this on my rolling around too much in my sleep and her being souncomfortable in her own skin that she has lost her sex drive.I ‘m not sure what I should do any more. I've lost all my trust in her. And it make me sad. Should I stay? Should I leave , should I confront her now or should I wait for more evidence to reveal itself to me and confront her later? We been married for 8 yrs. and it’s hard to think about all this stuff. Luckily we don’t have kids together.
View related questions:
cousin, sex drive, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2014): I feel for you. My husband told me years ago that he was no longer in love with me and we hadn't had sex for 5 years. Bizarrely I trusted him and thought he was just very tired and busy but then someone mentioned to me that they had seen him in a hotel with another woman so I started snooping. I found loads and loads of receipts and things proving he had been having relationships and sex with lots of different women. I fully believe your wife is having an affair, cutting a phone call is just such a big sign. She does whatever she fancies during the day and remaining with you is comfortable and secure while she messes about. I really would put your foot down here and tell her that the relationship is over. You are not getting any love or support in this marriage and you should not be having to put up with this kind of behaviour. I think if you call her out on this she will not want to lose what she has with you but whether you can trust her going forward and whether you want to take that risk is a different matter. I hate people who behave like this,
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 August 2014):
 You don't have kids, you don't seem to have any love lost, your sex life is non-existent, your communication with your wife is as good as non-existent...why are you in this marriage anyway? What's the cementing factor in your relationship?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 What do YOU get out of staying married?
You get no sex, no affection, you feel you have to snoop to see what's going on in her life, she lies to you and she is doing all kind of suspect things behind your back and YOU are just supposed to SUCK it up because she is insecure about her looks?
Like I asked.. WHAT do you actually get out of being married to her?
Sorry, in your case, I'd be visiting a lawyer and seriously consider divorce. I'd rather be HAPPY by myself then miserable with a spouse.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (28 August 2014):
Dear OP,
You're in a sex-less marriage that is void of any real, honest communication. It sounds more like you're sharing a place with a distant roommate.
If the two of you don't sit down and really talk about what's going on. Yes, I think you should confront her.. not just with your suspicions, but really have an open talk about the situation. What does either of you really want? How do you want to go on? Do you want to stay together or not? Does she still love you, do you still love her?
I can't tell you if your wife is cheating, or if there's still hope for your marriage. But please don't wait any longer to talk about your marriage problems. It's been two years since you two are in a bad state. You don't want to spend the rest of your days like that, life is too precious to waste it in a loveless marriage (at least that's my honest opinion about childless couples).
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): " About 2 yrs. ago my wife tells me that she is not in love with me anymore and that we should separate."
This should have raised a red-flag. She said she is not in-love with you anymore. So what did you work on? Since then; all you've done is feel insecure, suspicious, and snooped on her phone calls. You don't have sex, or even sleep in the same bed. Apparently whatever you worked-on didn't make your marriage any better.
Well, you gave it a try. What will confrontation bring you?
Will it make her love you? Will you have sex again? Will it get you back in your bed next to her? If she isn't reciprocating, what do you love about her?
Divorce is an ugly word. The process is agonizing, expensive, emotional, and painful. The result, freedom from all the stuff that made you do it. Think about it.
...............................
|
