A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Four months ago my long term boyfriend of three years dumped me for another girl. It has been a long, hard and painful journey, but it does get better. I have learned a lot from my experiences and have actually become grateful for this in some ways. Being dumped is bad enough. You have to get used to life without your significant other. You don't have that support you once did and are now forced to rearrange your future that you once planned around your ex. You have to deal with going to places that remind you of them or hearing songs that take you back to the good times. It’s not an easy process, especially if it was a complete surprise. During this time you try and work on the things that led the relationship to fail. If it was your own fault you may try to work on your qualities that your partner did not like, for one reason or the other. Sometimes there is no need to fix any qualities. Instead, you have to take the time to realize that you gave the relationship all you could and if they did not see that...then they did not deserve you anyways. It takes a lot to make the physical changes and gain the mental strength, but hopefully, you got a concrete reason as to why you didn't work for them. Answers help the healing process.Through my experiences, I think being dumped for someone else is the ultimate heartbreaker.I am sure many of you have been dumped for someone else. And I am sure many can say it was "their loss" and that "I deserve so much better than them anyways". If you are one of these people, I strongly admire you. I unfortunately was not. It was not that easy to let him go. I could not say "screw you" and move on with my life. I think there are a lot of people out there who felt the way I did. It was a process that I do actually feel fortunate enough to have been though for some reasons that I will get too. The worst feeling through all of this is the first one to arise, and that is the feeling of being replaced. You immediately feel like the relationship meant nothing to your partner. You feel like you meant nothing to your partner. You wonder how they can start a brand new bond with someone so quickly, while you are left to pick up the pieces. I often wondered how I would ever fall in love again. I wondered how long it would take until I actually felt happy…a feeling that I thought would never return. It seemed so bizarre that my partner could be happy and fall in love so quickly. Then you experience some resentment to their new girlfriend or boyfriend. You start to blame them for letting it happen even though you know it is really your ex you should be hurt by. They were the one who wasn’t supposed to hurt you. Some may say that the partner may have mentally prepared themselves for a while before getting the courage to dump you, which makes it easier for them to move on and experience new love. But then you wonder why they didn’t respect you enough to share their honest feelings. Why would they lie to you and tell you that they loved you when they had someone else in mind?You hope and pray that the relationship does not work out for them. You want them to feel as miserable as you do. You had to go through the pain of breakup and process of healing alone, while they are out having fun. You realize there new partner is getting to experience all the fun things you miss doing with your ex. You hope that they come back, so you can either take them back and start anew, or so you could get satisfaction in telling them off. You begin to do all the wrong things shattering some dignity. You beg and try to force them to remember the good times. For most of us that really doesn’t work and we all secretly know this. We all know they have to come to the realizations of what they want for themselves. So then you go no contact. You can’t bear to see them with the person you love, so it’s all you have left. You’re left with so many unanswered questions that make it impossible to move on. You wonder what this new person has that you don’t. You wonder what mistakes you made that led this to happen. You wonder if you should have seen this coming and could have prevented it. And the worst of all…. You wonder how the love of your life did this to you, especially after you gave the relationship everything you had. One day you begin to realize that you did not make any mistakes. This was not your fault and you do deserve better. You begin to notice more around you and see that there are better people out there who won’t hurt you, no matter how perfect you thought your ex was. I swore up and down I would never find someone as perfect for me as my ex. Four months later I realize he wasn’t the perfect one for me because his love was not strong enough to hold my hand. It took just one person to break the strong bond I thought we shared and I guess that says a lot. The best feeling is when you can honestly say you were the best thing your ex ever had and it is a shame they let you go. You no longer get angered by the fact you helped them financially and offered constant support. You now recognize that you can give it to someone more deserving. Despite what they did to you, a part of you will always love them. And that is perfectly ok… they did teach you something. My ex is still with his new girlfriend and I have accepted it. I have come to terms that this is for the best. If he found love again, I will too. And it will be much better. I am happy again. I can laugh again. It was a mental and physical process, but it made me a better person. Here is some of the things I have learned:1. I learned how valuable trust is. It made me appreciate my family and friends because I know they will always be there and be on my side. I thought my trust would be shattered with guys after this experience, but I don’t believe that to be the case. It just made me eager to prove to someone new that I can be trusted and find someone who I trust.2. I learned that I can be as happy on my own as I am in a relationship, if not more so. I finally did things for me. It took me a while to get to this point but now that I am here I am glad. I finally spend my money on myself and do things I did not have time to do before. Best of all I don't feel even a little guilty for doing so.3. I learned that I could be a good listener. Experiencing this type of breakup led me to help others with relationship issues. I wanted to do something positive,4. I learned that a date is just a date. I got sad on what would have been our actual three year anniversary, but quickly learned that it is just another day and I must go on.5. I learned that I can’t sit around and be upset and bitter. It is not worth it and only sets back my progress to finding a new and exciting relationship. And it makes them feel happy to be missed so much.6. Best of all I learned that it is not the end of the worldAgain, I realize that all situations are different, but I advise you to stay close to your friends and family. Do not bottle things up. Talk about what bothers you to them because that’s what they are for. Let your ex go and don't try and talk to them until you can do so rationally. Even if you deserve some explanations from your ex, don’t expect to get them. Some day they will grieve your loss, but for now they are covering it up. Things may never make sense but I guess love doesn’t make sense either. You deserve the best and let someone special give that to you whole heartedly. Never know what is in store for you.So forgive them. It makes healing a lot easier. And know you will cross their minds at some point, even if they say or act otherwise.Remember: It takes a relationship gone sour to make you appreciate and understand an amazing one.
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female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 I love the article, and keep up the good work, what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger right?
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female
reader, Mirry  +, writes (23 November 2010):
Wow!am touched!to me he even added a son on top who really resembles him,he doesnt support us,bt one day i knw he wil regret.uas too.i take my son as an asset.am gettng strong,ua article has made me stronger.thank sweetie.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): I really liked this article and it gives me some hope. I've recently had my heart broken and i can't be one of those people that just says "it's his loss" etc... and it's very very painfull.
Keep up the good work.
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female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (19 November 2010):
This is soooooooooo awesome... I posted yesterday, but somehow it didn't show up. I just wanted to tell you that I cried when I read this, so thank you for posting it. Everything you wrote here is exactly what I went through/am going thru and exactly how I feel/felt... & it helps to know that I'm not going through this alone. It's funny, he told me when he left that he loved me more than he had ever loved anyone and I loved him more than anyone ever has... and he showed his appreciation for that by dumping me and getting with someone 8 years younger than me only a few months later.. I BEGGED him for a reason just for closure, but he would not ever give me one, just turned a cold shoulder. I'm sure I'll overcome this one day, but right now I just feel so damaged emotionally and still wondering why.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): fantastic article.
Well done for all your great work to become a much more evolved person, since Mr X failed to recognise your true worth. I do hope your next partner is similarly evolved, generous and loving as you.
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