A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:She has a guy, but he's made her cry multiple times and chooses games and cars over her...I've been talking to her for several months and also spent time together... we had unbelievable chemistry like soulmates...We both said we made each other happy, she smiles when she kisses me, we miss each other...I really thought we were meant to be and it was a matter of time before she and I were official...They even broke up few weeks ago but she decided to stay cuz he was crying and didn't want her to leave...today she told me that they talked and she wants to work it out and they've been good lately because she believes he really wants to work it out...this is a guy that's told her she should work weekends when he's off so he can work on his car because she's boring and that if she doesn't change like he thinks, he's not gonna waste his time with her...i'd do anything for her and would always treat her right...but today it's over, she realizes she's hurt him and it hurts her and feels that we shouldn't talk anymore cuz it's not fair to him...but she said if something happens in the future and she becomes single, we can talk if i still wanted to...i truly love this girl and this broke my heart...how can she just do this...i just don't understand...
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male
reader, Asexy +, writes (7 November 2007):
 The heart wants what it wants. Even if it's bad for you, it still want what it wants. Her head may know you're better for her, but her heart wants him, and that's how she'll choose.
No amount of support from you will help her get over this guy -- she has to do it on her own. And anything bad you say about him (no matter how true) will get her to defend him (even if she knows you're right).
Treat him like her addiction. Your best option here is to walk away. Give her the space she's asked for so that she can finally hit bottom, realize that he's bad, and decide that she deserves better. She has to do this on her own; you can't do it for her. Don't enable her by making her feel better for the time you're with her.
I hope that you're able to move on. When she finally decides that he's bad for her, it doesn't mean she will automatically decide you're the one. If she does, it should be too late. You deserve to be with someone who will choose you. She's out there, too, mate. So get over this one. That way your heart will be clear when you meet her.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Even though you had sex...she is STILL with him. It is not the history alone. Out of her 10 emotional needs giving her good sex addresses the needs, but there is something more he is giving her that you are not in some way, which is more important to her than better sex.
Also, any possibility that she told you what she thought you wanted to hear? It does not makes sense to me that she would not be with you, unless out of the 10 needs she has, he addresses a better combination of them than you do. For example, did you start off strong and get needy for her? Did she always see you as a friend, and bartered her sex as a means to keep you around long enough UNTIL the other guy returned? Was she doing you to keep herself sane and make the other guy jealous?
Lastly, even if you were better than he (she could be telling the truth)...does she have a past with sex that would make her leave a situation that associated too many good feelings to sex? For example, she might have been a sex abuse victim, and being good at it, made her confront her feelings about it.
Please read the free preview of my book, and see if there is something there that can help you make sense of this.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionemotional friend?
we've had sex so we were more then friends, in fact she was amazed how much better i was then her guy...
so no issue there, but she's been with him almost 3 yrs, lots of history...
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (3 November 2007):
Let me fill you in.
That guy, as bad as he is, addresses her emotional needs.
You do not. That is why she chose him over you.
Also, let me show you something.
You said: "i'd do anything for her and would always treat her right..."
This will not generate attraction for One Key Reason. She feels she did not EARN this from you. You give it too easily, and thus it does not make her feel special.
A woman feels that any man that can promise so much, that she feels she did not earn, is a promise that will be broken and taken away, when a better woman comes along.
You are a nice guy...and that makes you a good friend, but it does not fulfill her emotional needs, and THAT is why she chooses him instead of you, even though you would be the better "logical" choice.
I wrote a book on EXACTLY this topic. In my book, you just got categorized as the Emotional Cookie Man. The "just friends" guy. If you want to stop this, and change so that she chooses you, you MUST start addressing her emotional needs, and stop being her therapist.
The book is called Everything Out Of HEr Mouth Is A Test: A man's guide to the emotional needs of women. It will help you get her back.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, LilWun23 +, writes (3 November 2007):
the best word to describe her is "masochist" she is pleased by having a man hurt her and is obviously blinded by the fact that their is someone else who is willling to treat her better. tell her how it all really is, and when the relationship ends be their for her as a friend and have pride
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