A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:met a guy in March, he lives far away bout 2 hour drive. Well he is my friends cousin. We started dating and he came to see me a few weekends and became very serious very soon. He said he wanted to marry me, knew he felt that way and started planning a future with me. He is 33 and said he knew what he wanted etc. Then one weekend when he was due to come down, he was very tired and very busy, he is setting up his own business and very dtermind, we eneded up arguing on the phone, as I was fed up as he was not going to come until the day after I expected him. Well we argued and he got fed up and ended the relationship, saying I didnt understand the commitments of the new business. Well a few weeks later he got in touch with me and nexx thing I went to stay with him, more talk from him bout future etc, he said be patient, and in time when the business going well he could employ people and therefore he would have mroe free time and be less tired. But then when he was due to come and see me one weekend he just never came and I didnt hear from him. 4 weekslater, he is on msn tellignme he felt so bad he was and is so tired at the weekedends that his mind wants to come and see me but body is too tired, hesays please be patient, as in time when he has more staff in he will have more time. He says his friends love me and im the best girlfriend he has ever had or will have, he says he loves me wnats to get things sorted so wwe can marry. But question is I know he is tired and committed but why not just drive that couple of hours surely if he was so in love he would do it no matter how tired he is .Also I often feel the contact between us is often initiated by me, I need to see that he is serious and put some effort in, what should i do ?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 So, your busy life makes it impossible to always go to him.
Can't the same apply to him?
Yes maybe he could make some time, but a business takes easily as much time as three kids and it is even harder to find a baby-sitter for a business.
Would you really be happy if he gets in the car and gets into an accident from being to falling asleep behind the wheel?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust in response to some of the answers, I have driven to see him and also the reason I dont just hop in the car is because i have 3 children, and very little childcare. And when I did go to see him It took days of organising childcare. I told him I was willing to do this when I could so he knows I would make the effort.
I am single mum three children fulltime and I work, and i to am shattered but if i didnt have girls I would gladly drive to see thye one I loved, I would lie in on a saturday and drive 2 hours and spend the night wiht him Ive done it x
so i guess he is busy and tired but at the moment is not wanting to put that extra mile in.
And yes I said I would marry him, and so that has not slowed him down.
i guess only time will tell thankyou for your answers although Im not much wiserxxx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 June 2008):
2 hour drives are VERY hard work if you are tired. Especially depending on the type of roads and the time of year.
Do you know how many people die or kill or maim because they are falling asleep due to a long monotonous drive on a Friday night after a really tiring day at work? It's a LOT.
If he's working really long hours when why don't you go and see him? Have a nice romantic meal on the table for when he gets home from work?
Setting up a business can take so much out of you. You have to either be there and be patient and prove you love this guy. Or split up with him because you just can't take it when times are a bit hard.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): i myself have been in a similar position lately and ive realized although he said he loves me,i dont believe him anymore as he cant put any effort into us and constantly repeating and behaving in the same manner and refusing to accept there is a problem,so ive decided unless he changes his ways and accepts that is behaviour towards the relationship is damaging to us both he leaves me no choice but to walk away
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (26 June 2008):
So no matter how tired he is, he should just hop in the car and drive over to your place? A 2 hour trip?
Ever heard of the dangers of falling asleep behind the wheel?
Why in fact do YOU not get behind the wheel and drive to his place?
How is he seeing that you are serious?
Love is a two-way street. Both can drive on it.
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A
female
reader, Vertigo  +, writes (26 June 2008):
hi therei'm in a 2 year old relationship, long distance and kinda harsh on the both of us. We've had similar situations, and we've managed to work things out by being understanding, patient and accommodating. Although, it seems like your guy is working really hard and must be bummed out during weekends, it just isn't a good enough excuse for him to not get in touch with you at all for 4 weeks!I think right now work and business are his number one priorities. However, I also think that you should give him some time. But do let him know that even though you are supportive of his efforts and understand his situation, you have your needs as well, and find his erratic behavior very hurtful. Tell him the least he could do is to stay in touch more frequently.much love
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): A man is never too tired to see the one he loves. If you can't read the signs, good luck.
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